Separation Anxiety

My youngest daughter is off to camp this week. Though we have been apart for 5-6 days before, this is the first time she has not had the means to contact me or for me to contact her. It is a separation of the toughest kind for both of us. I have no doubt she will be busy and will even enjoy her absence more than I will. But I want her to have the opportunity, the experience to be her without me around.

She is 13, a new teen. Many feel sorry for me as I enter the teen phase of parenting again. Yet I am thoroughly enjoying it and her. Maybe because we are a homeschooling family that spends most of our time together, maybe she is just extraordinary, but I like my teen. I like spending time with her. That doesn't mean we never clash; we do. But we really do get along and we like doing things together. She is a blessing to me. She keeps me young, doing things I maybe wouldn't ordinarily do in my 50's.

My teen likes to try things so I am sure this will be the first of many times when I will have to let her go beyond my comfort zone. Parenting is training, teaching, and then letting go as they live out what they have learned. It doesn't always go the way you hope. Children don't always learn what you taught. I know this because I am not a novice in this parenting thing. I have 5 adult children, too. Sometimes I revel in the fact that my adult children are teaching their children what I taught them. Sometimes I grieve when the lessons most important to me are ignored now in their adult lives. But the one thing I have learned is to never give up on them and to never quit praying for them. No matter where they go or what they do, they will never escape a mother's prayers.

So as I suffer separation anxiety from my daughter, I am praying often. I am praying she has fun, I want her to meet some new friends. I am hoping she is loving riding horse as I once did. I am praying that her faith will grow and she will be challenged to live it in a new way. And as a mom, I am praying she eats well, sleeps well, and doesn't get hurt or sick. I also don't want her to miss us too much. Her tender heart will be thinking of us.

Separation is hard, but is a learning step for all of us. I am leaving her in God's hands (a million times a day!) and she is learning to trust God in new situations. It is a growing time and we will both better appreciate each other again. It is good because of these things, but I am really looking forward to Friday!

Volunteering

Volunteering

I am often in the position of coordinating volunteers for different things. Sometimes that is a very difficult job. Even when I have a potential volunteer list, it can be tough to get people to commit.  Often it is the last moment before they say yes. Often it is after several emails and/or phone calls.  When I have to make several contacts several times, it makes my job so much tougher. It also takes more time.

I know people are busy. I know people have varying other priorities. And I know sometimes they have to say no. I understand those things. But I also know people can do what they really want to do. I also believe more of us need to be giving of our time and talents to things we believe in.

I know when I volunteer in areas that are important to me, I usually meet other like-minded people and some of them have become friends over the years. I also feel a sense of satisfaction for contributing to a cause I believe in. I feel empowered that I can make a difference even in a small way.  It fills me up to show others I care.

There are so many ways you can volunteer. There are so many needs out there. Some of the areas you can volunteer in are lots of fun, too.

What are your passions? What do you love?  What wrong do you want to change? What do you enjoy? What kind of things are you good at? Where could you make a difference?

If, and when, you do sign up to volunteer, tell them what you’re willing to do. Give them an idea of how much time you can give. Tell them when you are able to do it. Don’t make them beg you to do it. It is so hard to be in the position of asking over and over for people to help.

If you serve with a willing spirit, it is such a blessing to everyone involved. Serving grudgingly is still service, but steals the joy from it. If you really can’t or don’t want to, don’t let the person asking ask again and again before you say no. Say no if that’s what you are really planning to do anyway. Then you won’t be irritated by the persistent asking and the person calling won’t have to repeat their call and waste theirs and your time.

Volunteering is expected in our family. It is something we do. All of our adult children still do it as they grew up with it and knew it as a part of their lives. It can enrich your life, provide you with interesting opportunities, and give you new people in your life. It is worthwhile. It is rewarding.

Next time you see a need, surprise someone and ask how you can help. You don’t have to wait to be asked. If you are asked, seriously consider saying yes. You don’t have to say yes every time, but try it! Just do it! Volunteer with a smile and enjoy the experience.

 

The Myth of Happily Ever After

The Myth of Happily Ever After

                I read a lot. I always have. As a child, I was read to when I wasn’t able to read for myself, but then I devoured everything in the house, at school and at the library. My favorite stories were the fairy tales like Beauty and the Beast, family stories like Heidi, Little House on the Prairie, Little Women, and animal stories like Black Beauty and Beautiful Joe. I liked romance stories like the Love Comes Softly series. I enjoyed happily ever after.

I expected real life to mirror all my favorite stories. I thought families almost always got along. Families were supposed to like each and like being together. They would sacrifice anything and everything for each other. Even when animals were mistreated, someone would save them. Trials came and it made the people stronger. In the romance stories, couples fell in love and lived happily ever after.

                I grew up and married my own Prince Charming. We didn’t just live happily ever after. We had problems, illness, trials, and sometimes it was hard. Marriage was difficult at times. But it was still good. It is still good. It just isn’t a fairy tale. It’s real life.

Families don’t always get along. They don’t even always like each other. Sometimes they split up and refuse to be there for each other. I actually like the fantasy world here better because I hate to be disappointed. I want everyone to get along and to enjoy each other’s company. I like family get- togethers and family parties. I want my family to be one that they could write a book about and people would be impressed by. But again I live in real life and not everyone gets along. Not everyone wants to be together. I am saddened by this, but I can’t change what others do or want. Real life does disappoint; relationships do, too. But some relationships surpass stories and are a real blessing.

Pets can be wonderful, but sometimes they are more work than wonderful. I have had pets that delight, and I have had pets that I can barely tolerate. I have been bitten and I have been loved immeasurably with unmerited devotion. I have had blind pets, deaf pets, sick pets, and pets I wish I didn’t have. Some were extraordinary; some were a pain. They were not all loyal like in the books, but some were.

Since real life has taught me that not every story has a ‘happily ever after’ ending, do I quit reading? Am I disheartened by the fact that real life isn’t the same as the stories I have read all my life? No, I don’t quit reading. I still love to read, to escape into a fantasy world of another place, another time, another’s story. I get to experience things I wouldn’t otherwise get a chance to try. I can have a mini vacation, a diversion or distraction from real life.

‘Happily Ever After’ may be a myth. It may be a fantasy. It may only be a dream. It may be where your imagination takes flight and it makes you smile, relax, or let go. As long as you don’t let it disappoint, as long as you know life is never perfect, accept the myth. Find a way to claim as much as is possible. Strive towards it. Know that while life is not perfect and happily ever after may not exist in this world, life can be good, very good indeed. True ‘happily ever after’ will only be in Heaven.

 

Review of All My Belongings by Cynthia Ruchti

Cynthia Ruchti’s book All My Belongings  is a book you will want to read.  It has characters you will want to get to know and situations you or someone you know has faced. All of us want to know we belong somewhere or to someone. The story will speak to your heart.

The story follows the main character as she leaves what is familiar to find a new life far away from what was home.  The shame she was running from wasn’t even her own. She was fleeing her past, but it was a past that would follow her unless she took drastic measures to change who she was. What her father did haunted her in her present life and seemed to project itself into her future. Would she ever be free?

How would Becca ever feel like she belonged? She had lost everything in her past and finally when she starts to let down her guard to trust again, events happen that make her want to run again. As she battles to put it all behind her and to look forward, an unexpected request forces her to a place where she must choose between bitterness or forgiveness. She chooses to be free even though the choice is hard and changes her future again.

Throughout the story, through all its twists and turns, its hurts and disappointments, a foundation of faith is what holds the characters together. Their strengths are found when they seek God’s will. Their hope is renewed when they learn to trust and then act from that faith.

I highly recommend this book because it touches the heart as well as challenging the will. We all have choices to make that will affect our future and others, too. The themes of adoption, family discord, care giving, and wondering how we belong will resonate with many. The cloud of grace that is over all of it will reassure and give peace and hope.

Thoughts on a book: All My Belongings by Cynthia Ruchti

All My Belongings by Cynthia Ruchti is a book that really touched my heart. Its focus is on the themes of adoption, caregiving for a family member, and difficult family relationships. Because I have experienced all of these things in some form, this book really resonated with me. I felt the emotions of the characters and understood the conflicts they were facing.

The story can affect you on many levels. You feel for the characters in the book and relate to them personally. I sometimes got stuck in my own emotions and remembering my own similar situations as I read. Parts of it were hard to read as they hurt, but the hope found in Christ is prevalent without being forced. The hope offered is part of an underlying foundation of strength that is present and real.

I don't want to tell you the story because it is best read and savored within your own experiences. This book will make you think. It may make you remember. You may cry. You will also come away knowing about servanthood, forgiveness, and love. I recommend you read it and feel it.

The Great Swimsuit Search

I have a daughter close to age 13. She is tall and thin. She is no longer a little girl, but she is not all grown up either. She needs a new swimsuit. And I couldn't find one!

The girls' sized ones just don't fit her. They are too wide, but not long enough. The junior sizes are skimpy. Women's sizes are too big.

I spent hours searching all the major retailers online for an answer. I saw more tummies, and cleavage than I ever wanted to. I felt like I had been searching soft porn sites. It really made me sad to see how much we expose our young girls. I don't want that much skin revealed on my daughter.

What are we saying to our young women when we only market to them clothing that doesn't cover them modestly. Do we really want them to show their bodies off like that?

I want my daughter to have a healthy view of her body, but I also want her to feel respected and valued beyond her body. I want her to dress comfortably and confidently. We were at a waterpark recently and so many of the young girls in their skimpy suits were pulling and tugging to keep the suit in place. It was embarrassing all around. The attention they got wasn't all positive. I felt sorry for them.

We did finally find some more modest swimsuits and they were expensive! But what choice did I have?

What we finally did was try on every top in every store that had swimsuits (tiring!) until we found something we could tolerate and almost like... :-) We even went back to stores more than once. we finally found a ladies' top in a small or extra small and then we took it to the girls department and found some athletic shorts that went with the colors in the top. We purchased some expensive liner type quick drying underwear for underneath and put it all together to create our own suit. It works, was way more than I wanted to pay, but she can be sure of the fit and comfort. Hope it lasts all summer! But I am guessing she will need another one before summer's end...

Restoration

Psalm 51: 12 says "Restore unto me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit."

Somewhere in the cold wastelands of winter, I lost that joy. I lost my passion. I haven't been unhappy or unproductive. I just have not had my usual sense of empathy, sensitivity, and hope. As  I look forward to spring and new life, I look forward to "renewing a right spirit within me."

I am looking for a challenge. I am seeking God's will. I am asking what I should do next. I am willing to do something different. I am not sure what form my willingness will take me. I just know I need to get on track.

My birthday is next week. Another year has gone by. Another year is beginning. I have a choice to be stuck in the past or to move forward. With God's help, I will move ahead. I have not even tried to meet any of my goals for this year so it's time. Maybe I need to review them and prioritize. Maybe I even need to set new goals.

I know I need to find the joy of my salvation and open my Bible more. I need to pray more. I need to put God in first place.

I am ready to step out of the desert. I am ready to drink the living water again.

How about you? What do you do to get out of a spiritual desert? How do you find the joy of your salvation again?

I will strive to find the joy of my heart again. As I do, I will share...

The Deep Freeze of Minnesota

Sometimes living in Minnesota is a real challenge. This is one of those times. I don't like winter. I don't like cold. And it is very cold right now! When the thermometer says -18 for the high, that is a problem. Below 0 and high should not go in the same sentence. Then add the wind chill and you get somewhere in the neighborhood of -44. You do not want to be outside for very long in that kind of weather. You can get frostbite in something like 3 minutes on exposed skin. It is dangerous. Schools have been closed because of the cold.

Our weather has been colder than Mars. It is colder than the North Pole. And did I mention I don't like cold weather?

I sit by the wood stove and plan vacations to warmer places. Cancun sounds good. My son likes Key West, Florida. Even Texas and other southern destinations are not all that warm this year. I am not sure of where to go.

The snow is already getting to me, too. I don't enjoy the winter sports so it has little value to me. When people tell me it is beautiful, I struggle to see what they see. It is white. and that is when it is clean... I like color. I feel like I am living in a black and white world. The only color ate the pine trees and that isn't enough for me. The sky has been too gray to cheer me. The days are short with too much darkness. I need light and color.

I have one hearty little plant that blooms year round and it helps my sanity as it surprises me with a bloom on even the coldest days. It makes me smile.

Why do I live in Minnesota? My children and grandchildren are all here. I grew up here.  My home is here. My husband's job is here.

But could that change? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know yet, but I am praying about it. If I am to remain in the deep freeze, God's love will keep me. I will find joy even in the cold. At least I will try...

Stuck in the Old?

As the New Year begins, it is fitting and proper to reflect back on the old year as well as plan for the new year. So before I even consider goals, resolutions, and dreams for the new year, I need to look back. What did last year hold? Was it a good year? Or a tough one? What would I want to repeat? What would I never want to happen again?

I started to think about 2013 and my first impression was that it was not a good year. I got stuck right there. Why did I feel that way? What happened that made me immediately come to that conclusion? I had to stop and think it through. I realized that it was basically one change in our family and lives that made me put a dark cloud on the whole year. While that one event has colored many other things in a negative light, it should not put a shadow over all that was good.

I needed to look at the year again without my dark glasses on. I had to push that one extremely sad part of my life out of the way so I could see all that was good. I didn't want to be stuck in the old year, unable to find peace and joy in the new year. I wanted to remember the good times, too. I want to rejoice in all that was positive.

So what was last year about? It was a year readjusting to changes in the family. It was a year to find out how to go on without having an older generation anymore in our lives. We are all older, with a few more aches and pains... It was a very cold winter followed by a summer we didn't really enjoy. Some of it was really hard. Some of it hurt a lot. Some of it was exhausting.

Yet there was much to celebrate as well! We received the gift of another granddaughter in June. Eleanor is a sweetheart. My husband got a raise. We got a different car and a different camper. We sold some motorcycles, a car, and the old camper. We went on a wonderful vacation to Washington DC and the East Coast. My daughter got a job. My son got a full-time position that we had long prayed for. I was able to reconnect with some old friends. We found a new home for our horses. Our church is getting a new pastor after being without a full-time one for over 2 years. We spent time together with family.  Those are just off the top of my head with little thought in it. If I looked at my calendar, I would probably find many more things to be thankful for. Was it a good year? Certainly! My dad always said that any day above ground was a good one! So if you are alive, It's a good day!

There were many good days! Many good days should add up to a good year. One good year should challenge me to find the good in the next.

So instead of being stuck in the old year or the old bad memories, it's time to look ahead to the New Year with anticipation and expectation. God has a plan for us and we can trust Him. We can stop letting the bad overshadow the good. We can press forward, onward, and be glad for another day, another year of life. We can remember the good and let that help us to trust going forward will have its rewards even if there are some difficulties along the way. We will continue to celebrate life and God's goodness to us. I am going to get 'unstuck!' On with the New!

Advent

Advent should be a time of expectation, a time of looking ahead and preparing. But for what?

If you are like me, you have made your Christmas lists. There is a list for gifts, for cookies and candies, for Christmas cards, for activities, and even a to do list with everything scheduled. I want to make sure I get it all done.

But have I included time to read my Bible so I can marvel anew at the Christmas story? Am I enjoying the decorations and lights? Am I tasting and savoring the flavors of all I bake? Am I feeling the joy?

Sometimes I forget to just enjoy the holiday season. I just get too busy. Yet I really love Christmas. I love all of it. So I am committed to find ways to have fun with it. I will say Merry Christmas more! I will smile. I might wear crazy earrings or sparkly clothes. We are listening to Christmas carols. We are  watching Christmas movies and I will read the favorite Christmas stories.

And I am looking for ways to share Jesus this Christmas season. I want to be His hand and feet. I want to meet some needs this season. I am praying God will show me the who and when.

I want to see Jesus this Christmas and I want others to see Him because of me. I am living in expectation and I will find joy this season! I am excited!