Cooking Moods

I enjoy cooking. I love to try new recipes. I like to cook for groups, I like to experiment with new foods. I watch cooking shows. I read cookbooks. I subscribe to cooking magazines. I like to feed people food they enjoy. It gives me pleasure to cook for others. I like to plan meals and shop for what I need.

Most of the time, anyway....

Occasionally I just don't feel like cooking. Or eating. Nothing appeals to me. I look at my cookbooks and turn page after page.... I watch a cooking show and get bored. I shut it off. I shop with nothing in mind, hoping something will inspire me. I go through my recipes and feel nothing but apathy. 

My family has come to expect meals. They like to eat at regularly appointed times, not just when I feel inspired. So out of duty, I do try to put something on the table that passes as a meal. My daughters take pity on all of us and fill in the gaps when I am lacking my normal passion for cooking. My husband will take us out or bring something home when this happens, too. I am not chastened, but  instead comforted by their attention. Of course, it could be because they want to eat.

This mood or phase does not happen often, thankfully. Sometimes it happens when I am tired or not feeling particularly well. But I think it happens when I am on the brink of a minor depression, when things are happening beyond my control that hurt me or affect me negatively. I am unable to be creative when I am stuck in a problem. I am unable to make decisions well when my emotions are in a mess. Everyday ordinary things can become a burden when you are trying to solve bigger issues. Planning a meal or 30 days of meals seems overwhelming when usually I enjoy the challenge.

But sometimes we must operate simply out of duty and do what is necessary. We serve because it is the right thing to do. Even if it seems too hard, if we volunteer to go beyond what is necessary, it puts our minds in a more positive place. So even if I don't feel like it, I try to push myself to do it anyway and to do it as well as I can.

So I will feed my family. And others. I will cook. I will find new recipes. I will find my joy in it. I will look for the passion in me that makes me do it well. I will not allow a mood or whatever has caused that 'mood' to make me lose my enthusiasm for it. Soon. Sometime soon...

If you have a recipe to share, let me know. It could be a favorite comfort food or something you have wanted to try or a recipe for finding joy. I will take any of them! You might be my inspiration!

Until Death Do Us Part

Until Death Do Us Part

The final line in most marriage vows is “until death do us part.” What does that mean to the couples who promise it? Do most really understand that it is a promise for the rest of their lives? It doesn’t mean as long as I am happy. It doesn’t mean until I find someone else. It doesn’t mean unless I want my freedom. It means until one of them dies.

Marriage vows are a commitment, a promise made before God and witnesses. They should not be lightly taken. They should not be lightly broken.

Yet many marriages fail in our culture. Our society has accepted that marriages fail. Rather than work it out, it is easier to call it quits. We have accepted giving up. We no longer hold onto faithfulness and loyalty.

Even when there are children, marriage and family are not held sacred. More children live in broken homes with only one parent than ever before. Children are not reason enough to stay together.

I have long known these statistics, but now they have become personal. While I have never been divorced and never plan to, my children have. Several of my grandchildren are experiencing this. I am watching this. I am hurting because of it.

Divorce affects whole families, friends, and more. I have been told it is personal, only between the two parties involved. But that it is not true. The hurt and separation go much deeper than that. Friends often don’t know how to be loyal to both parties so the friendship changes. Family traditions and holidays change. Nothing remains the same. Children often have to live in two places. The stability and security of home and family is lost.

I hate it. God didn’t intend for it to happen. I never wanted to see it happen in my family. But it has. The pain and disappointment are huge. The stress is never ending. The grief of having a broken family breaks my heart daily.

My response is to love my grandchildren and to offer grace to their hurting parents. I will forgive and I will try to be there for them. I certainly don’t know how to do this and never wanted to. But this is my life and I must walk this road right now. With God’s help, I will find peace in the troubled times. I will seek His joy in the moments He gives me. And every day I pray and pray…

Thoughts on Marriage

Thoughts on Marriage

                The latest statistics on marriage show that fewer Americans are married now than ever before. Fewer get married. Many marry later than before. More end up in divorce.

Marriage used to be the foundation of the family. God used marriage as a picture of Christ’s relationship to the church. It was a good and positive thing. People valued the commitment they made and stuck it out even when it was hard. Even when their feelings failed them, they valued the vows they said before God and their witnesses. Now children grow up in single parent homes or with multiple parents and step-parents. Family traditions go by the way side and holidays are splintered events where they don’t know who to be with when. Life is hard for this generation of children without the stability of a two parent home.

I am currently watching a 2^nd and a 3^rd family close to me go through this. It affects so many. It isn’t just the couple or even the children, but the grandparents and other family members, too. It wreaks havoc on a family. The dynamics of even the extended family and community are changed. People are not sure how to react.  Marriage is a commitment to more than just the spouse, but it is also to future children and to those who witnessed and supported that marriage.

Marriage is not always easy. It is not always romantic. Sometimes it is hard and you have to deal with things you never thought you would. But you promised you would. “For richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse…” When it gets worse or poor, or sick, you promised. How good is your word?

Our marriage has not been perfect. No one’s is. But it has been good more than not. It has not always fulfilled my hopes and dreams. There are times I have not even enjoyed it. But God gave me a deep and abiding love for my husband and even in those tough times, I could cling to that. And if that were not enough, I could cling to God’s love. His love was enough. God’s love would always get me through and would always spill out so there was love enough for my husband.

I am not most important in my marriage. Even my husband isn’t. Our promise to each other is. The Bible says we become one flesh when we marry. I am united with my husband. We love and respect each other. We hold each other in high regard. We even want to serve one another. We honor God when we honor our vows.

My happiness is not the most important thing in our marriage either. I cannot expect my husband to make me happy. My spouse cannot fill the empty, lonely places in me. He cannot fulfill me.  We do enjoy one another. We like being together. We are best friends. I would choose him to be with and do things with before anyone else. (Usually!) We recognize and even celebrate our differences. But our true contentment comes from being in relationship with God. He gives us our joy. He fills us with peace. Give your spouse grace and don’t place unrealistic expectations on him/her. They are human like you.

Marriage is the ultimate test of character. It shows you who you really are. Can you sacrifice or are you really selfish? Are you willing to put aside some of your hopes, dreams, freedoms to make the relationship work? Will you think first and act afterwards? Will you love with a love like Christ’s? Can your love be patient, kind, not envious or boastful, not arrogant or rude, not insist on its own way, not irritable or resentful?  Does your love not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth? Can your love bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things? (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)  Is your promise, your word good? Will you stand by what you said? Will others see your commitment as a witness of God’s love? Are you strong even in adversity?

I am saddened today by a culture that has devalued marriage. I have 2 unmarried daughters and I am disheartened by a world that has become so selfish as to only want what is easy and fun. I want to see a marriage revival where this institution is once again desired. I want it to be seen as good and even better. Ecclesiastes 4: 9 -12 says. “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone. And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him- a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”  There are advantages of having that life partner!

Our marriage is good because we choose for it to be. We have decided that nothing is more important. No issue, no circumstance, no person will separate us. We are both willing to compromise. We both are willing to go above expectations to care for the other. We forgive. We spend time together, even doing things one of us does not enjoy as much as the other. We seek each other out. We talk. We communicate. We go out of our way for each other. We love each other. We look for ways to express it. We put romance back into our lives often. We have fun together. We try not to take advantage of the other one. We give each other the freedom to be different and to do different things. We hold each other accountable. We tell the truth. It is not always easy, but it is worth it.

Marriage is a good institution because it was created by God. He thought of it. He planned it. He hates divorce. He wants marriage to work. And I believe any marriage can work with His love guiding you and holding you together.

Book Recommendation - Tattered and Mended by Cynthia Ruchti

Tattered and Mended: The Art of Healing the Wounded by Cynthia Ruchti

One person’s wrong decision has shattered a family, my family. If you looked at us though, observed our day to day living, you would not see it. Life goes on and we keep living, even though our souls are wounded.

Cynthia Ruchti wrote Tattered and Mended: The Art of Healing the Wounded for me and others like me. When I got the book, I couldn’t read it. It had to sit in front of me for week after weeks before I could open it. My wound was too fresh, too deep. My faith was too little; my hope had deserted me.

When I first opened the book, Cynthia’s words were too beautiful. Her thoughts didn’t touch me. I saw the truth there, but my tattered soul let them blow over me like a breeze that tickles, but doesn’t refresh.

I kept reading anyway because I knew her words were water for those who thirst. I recognized there could be healing and restoration through them.

Finally in chapter 6, I connected with the book as I read, “When a soul is tattered, shredded, we understand how the word soul encompasses our whole being. Everything in us. What isn’t affected? Appetite is. Sleep. Enjoyment of simple pleasures. Time. Energy. Ability to cope with stressors we once surfed. Health. Vitality. Essence. Relationships.” She also said, “Life seems to revolve around our pain. Anything good or productive we accomplish is a monumental victory over the all-encompassing sorrow. And monumentally exhausting.”  

Cynthia was describing me. And others in my family who were agonizing over our hurt. I knew if she could understand the depth of our suffering, then there would be a depth of hope offered as well.

Cynthia’s books are always filled with hope and this book brings hope and healing. It offers new life for the wounded. It shows how to mend the brokenness and transform it into something of beauty.

My story isn’t beautiful yet. It isn’t finished. There is still hurt, but I am encouraged again. I am hopeful. This book tugged me back to a place where I can trust God no matter what. I will use the tools suggested to move forward.

Tattered and Mended by Cynthia Ruchti is like poetry for the hurting. It soothes, uplifts, teaches, and encourages. If you are hurting or know someone who is, this book is for you. It reminds us that God wants us to live whole and mended.

Marriage Plans

Marriage Plans

My husband looked at me a few weekends ago and said, “We need to plan where the rest of our lives are going. I don’t want to live just doing the next thing or stuck in the same place.” Or something like that. I don’t remember the exact words.

I said, “OK! Let’s do it!” I agreed that nothing happens without plans so we should be intentional and do it.

His first ‘plan’ was to stay married to me for the rest of his life.  And he asked me if I ‘planned’ on that, too. I smiled and assured him that was always the plan!

When I laughed about it, he said, “What? Not everyone plans that!”

And he was right. Not everyone plans to stay married for a lifetime.  Some people believe the lie that marriage is supposed to make them happy, that a spouse will complete them. And when it doesn’t, they think have the right to move on. Many believe their personal happiness outweighs their duty, responsibility, and vows. During the marriage ceremony, a couple promises to stay married ‘til death do us part. They promise in sickness and in health, in poverty, and wealth, and more. Maybe they mean it at the time. Maybe they don’t totally think about what they have said. But half of marriages fail. Christian marriages are no different. This is a heartbreaking phenomenon that many children have to deal with. Broken homes are becoming the norm in many places. People are not living up to the commitment they have made. They have convinced themselves that their happiness is more important than fulfilling their commitment. They no longer care who is hurt by their lack of commitment to their own family.

I am watching someone I love go through this right now. I have already had a daughter go through divorce and also two close friends. I know others, too, who have experienced divorce and the break-up of a family. But when it was someone close, I saw the wounds that were created. I saw the after effects on the children. I saw the pain that went with all the changes. While the children do find a new normal, they never fully recover. It changes the relationships with the parents and with others. Often grandparents struggle to figure out what kind of relationship they can still have with their grandchildren.

In the midst of it, the people involved cannot see the big picture. Even if they have seen the negative effects of another divorce, they think it will be different for them. They rationalize that they will be better at handling all the difficulties and that they can minimalize them for their children. The reality is that it will affect them, their children, and their extended families. The effects are long lasting, too. While the children are forced to adjust to changes in their living situations, their emotions, trust, and security are forever altered. Holiday traditions and family celebrations will never be the same. The things children hold onto for their stability are just not there.

I know all these things. I have seen these things in the past. But now it is again personal, watching someone go through it that is close to me. The people struggling with this are people I love. I have already seen my daughter go through it and have watched grandchildren face all those changes and try to find their place after all the disruptions. She hurt them all and they still are unsure of their relationship with her. I never wanted to see it again or watch it happen again. The pain is like a weight that pushes down on you all the time. It never fully lets you go. It steals your joy and keeps you from full productivity on anything. It steals your breath away as you cannot understand all that is happening or what the people are thinking. You constantly wonder how it can be happening to them.  You see what they cannot see. And they think you are interfering when you try to help them see what they don’t want to see.

I am not good at sitting back and watching a crisis unfold in front of me. I want to confront. I want to talk and make them see the bigger picture. I want them to do what is right. I am not good at waiting. I do pray, but I want to know what is happening. I feel so helpless. I want to DO something.

So back to life plans… My husband was right. The first plan is to stay married the rest of our lives. We made a covenant before God and man to do that. And we are going to honor that commitment no matter what. We are going to love and honor each other. There are days we may not like each other or something the other has done. There may be days when we don’t agree with each other. We may have different goals or expectations, but we can always work it out. We love each other with a love that God gave us and it is strong enough to weather any trial. We will make it. We will make it good. We will enjoy it and will grow old together. I pray that for others, too.

 

 

My Blogging Lapse

My last post was in July. That seems like a long time ago and much has happened in that time. We had just come home from vacation and life was good! It was summertime after all and that is my favorite time of the year. I had much to look forward to and many plans to complete before Fall and all the obligations that brings. I wanted to get the most out of the last days of summer as possible.

But now I don't even remember August or September. I only completed a few of my projects. Some I will share at a later time. Some projects we did to give us something else to think about. Things didn't happen as we thought they would. Instead a bombshell was dropped on us. Or at least that was how it felt.

We were told of a situation in a family's life that was devastating to us. We couldn't really do anything about it, but our thoughts were consumed by it. We just could not let it go. We talked about it, thought about it, agonized over it, prayed over it, and got stuck in it.

Even though life went on, and we did what we needed to, we didn't do a lot of extras. My blog got lost because I figured I would bleed all over the pages or tears would stain my computer. How's that for dramatic? My life was ruled by drama and some days it still is.  I couldn't share about what was happening because it wasn't my story to tell. It still isn't. At least not yet. Maybe someday. Maybe not. It all depends on what happens next.

So my blogging lapse had a reason. I love to write and I did. I just didn't share any of what I wrote. But it is time for me to write again and to share. I have things to say! Some of it will come from experiences; some from my deepest places. Some will come from my pain; some will come from the joys in my heart, but it will all be me and will be my story.

What I learned On Vacation

What I learned on Vacation

 

First I learned that not all vacations are restful or relaxing. Sometimes vacations are so we stretch ourselves and we can try something new and out of our comfort zone.

Next I learned that sometimes you do something you would rather not do so someone else is able to do what they want to do. (Try not to complain too much when it is hard or scary!)

I also discovered as I pushed myself out of my comfort zone that I could do some things I thought I could not do. Whether it was courage or exhaustion that forced me on is still up for debate!

No matter what you are doing, you can see goodness in something. The beauty of the world around you, the people you get to meet, the experiences you had all make an impact on who you are.

We have a beautiful diverse country. I knew this before, but seeing the big sky country of Montana and the badlands of the Dakotas, the rivers, and fields renewed in my heart how blessed we truly are.

I love the people I travel with. We don’t all get along perfectly all the time, but more often than not!

I like camping, better than staying in motels. I like having my own pillow. I like drinking my own water. I like eating my food. I will admit my camper does have air conditioning and a potty and shower. Those things all help!

Be flexible. Sometimes things don’t go how you planned. Some are better; some are not as good as you hoped. We spent money on out-of-state fishing licenses and didn’t catch any fish.

Sleep is essential. You need to be rested to drive lots of miles. You also need to be rested to do all the things you might want to do. It also keeps everyone smiling more often. Tired people are often moody people.

Talk about your plans, expectations, and dreams before you go, while you are on the trip and later, too. Know what each of you are hoping for and what each expects of the others. I said more than once, “You didn’t tell me that!” There is much more cooperation when we understand what is expected and what is happening!

Those ten things were the main things I learned, but there were many more. This is the short version of how our trip went.

Our trip was to Billings, Montana, and we started out after supper one evening. We drove on and on until all of us were too tired. We tried to sleep in the car for a few hours, but believe me, those were not restful hours! We got to Glendive 2 hours before the Dinosaur Museum was open so had to wait before we could tour it. It was interesting and well done. We enjoyed that.

Then onward to Nye, Montana! We didn’t quite get there the first night so stayed in Columbus in a city park and then moved on to Woodbine Campground near Nye. We hiked to the Falls and hung out hoping someone would vacate their camping site! It worked and we got the only available one. My husband had memories of going there when he was 8 years old. Obviously his memories were not detailed and he could not answer the many questions we had for him. He wanted to hike back to Sioux Charley Lake and trout fish because he didn’t get to when he was there before.  I am ashamed to say I wasn’t very supportive. I don’t like heights; I don’t like bears; and I don’t like long hikes. It was a 3 ½ mile hike-one way! It was next to a raging river at times, climbed to a higher altitude than I was used to, and signs said to bring bear repellent. I was not the most cooperative participant. And after all that, we didn’t catch any fish! I was tired, hungry, achy, sore, and a bit crabby. I didn’t make my husband’s dream of reliving that very pleasant. But to my defense, I did do it!

We did see one bear, but he wasn’t much interested in us. We saw many deer, mule deer, and an abundance of bunny rabbits. Some of the scenery was spectacular-when I was able to look around and see it!

After our wilderness experiences, we traveled back to Billings to the BMWMOA rally. We arrived early so Janaya, our youngest daughter, could participate in a GEARS (Gaining Early Advanced Riding Skills) class. While she and my husband did that for 2 days, Mandy (my other daughter) and I shopped and toured Billings, mostly to get out of the heat. Everyday we were there, it was in the 90’s+. We also did some volunteering at the rally. Over 5800 people were registered. That’s a lot of bikes! We stayed through the closing ceremony and then headed out to get a few hundred miles done yet that evening. Sunday is travel day as both my husband and daughter have to work on Monday.  

It wasn’t a perfect trip, but we will all carry memories from it! It was very hot and that changed our plans on numerous occasions. But it was a break from the ordinary and a change of pace for all of us. It was good to get away and experience new things. We all learned more about ourselves, each other, and our world. It was an adventure, for sure and a learning experience, as well!

 

 

Tribute to My Dad

Tribute to my Dad

My dad never even thought of the concept of quality time. He never thought about what a child needed. He wasn’t concerned about the hours spent with his kids or if he had done parenting right. This doesn’t mean he wasn’t a good dad. It was just different then.

I was born in 1957. I don’t remember anything about the 50’s; my first memories began in 1960. I remember having the measles and chicken pox all the same month. I was so sick. I didn’t leave the house for the whole month and didn’t really want anyone to leave me either. I don’t remember specifics, just that I was cared for. I remember moving quite a few time before I was 5. I do not remember ever being held or hugged by my dad, but I never doubted he was my dad and that he would take care of me. My mom read me stories and held me and provided that cushion of love a child needed. I never felt I was lacking in anything.

When I got older, I realized my dad was really busy. He owned a business and was gone a lot. I didn’t question that; he had to work to provide for us. We didn’t do a lot of ‘fun’ things, but we traveled some. We spent a lot of time with grandparents and relatives. I was the youngest child and my parents had many other things to keep them busy. I was given more freedom than I probably should have had. I was rarely asked where I was going or what I was doing. I am not sure if they trusted me that much or if they were done parenting at that point.

My sister is 13 years older than me and my brother is 7 years older than me. I don’t remember much about my sister being at home. My parents could have parented her completely differently than I was parented. I only know what she has told me. My brother graduated from high school when I was done with 6^th grade. I remember some of the conflicts with him and, also, that it seemed to me that he was favored because he was the only son. I can’t speak about how they were parented, what they remember, what they felt. I can only speak from my experiences.

My dad wasn’t always a happy man. He only went through the eighth grade and never felt like he was educated enough. He had angry moments that came out mostly to my mom. I reacted to that angrily, too, and we had our share of conflicts. I was not quiet about how I felt. It had the added effect of me feeling like I would never submit to any man or let any man rule over me! I wrote papers about women’s liberation and feminism. I was going to be my own person. No man would tell me what to do. This was a major conflict in my faith as I pondered Scripture about women. It would take years for me to come to an understanding of all this.

Even though we didn’t talk a lot about things, my dad always looked out for me. He provided what I needed and more. When I turned 16, I had a car to drive. It wasn’t always the same car though as my dad liked to buy and trade cars. I could go to school with one car and when I got home I could have a different one to drive as he had sold mine that day! I had 13 different cars between 16 and 21 when I got married. It made life interesting for sure!

After owning our gas station, Dad worked in a few different jobs. He drove a fuel oil route and he worked in another gas station. He hurt his back and didn’t work for a time, also. Yet Dad didn’t retire for years. He loved being out with people and so continued to work as a security guard at our local hospital part time. He even received an award for his contributions there. He genuinely cared for people.

Even though Dad always had a strong personality, he mellowed as he aged and Mom stood up for herself more, too. She had the gentlest spirit of anyone I ever knew. She could diffuse a situation with the most unexpected humor. Dad courted her more as they aged, too. He bought her flowers, took her places she wanted to go, and bought her jewelry. He even gave her a diamond ring because he said he had not done that before.

My dad wasn’t known for apologizing. I only remember once when he apologized to me. It was later in my marriage when my husband and I were planning to adopt. My dad was not for it. He could not comprehend bringing children into our family from a different culture, country, or race. He told us to never speak of it to him. We continued on our mission to adopt, but we didn’t speak of it again until we had pictures of the two girls we were going to adopt.  We knew his love for children would be what changed his mind. Or so we hoped. We went over to their house and told them we were going to speak to them about adoption and hoped they would listen one more time. But we had an unfair advantage. We had a picture. It was easy to reject an idea, but not real children. Neither said much about it, but they listened. A few days later, my parents came to our house and Dad said he had something to say. We waited, unsure of what it might be. He told us after we left their house, he had prayed about what we had said. He told us God had answered in more than one way. Dad had turned on the TV and the sermon the evangelist preached was on how we are all adopted into God’s family and how we are to care for the widows and orphans. Then he went to work and tried to garner sympathy from a co-worker who only could say how good and right it was for families to adopt.  He heard that message over and over until he knew it was God speaking to him. And then he said, “I need to apologize for my wrong attitude about adoption. If God is telling you to do this, you do it with my blessing.” I was stunned. In the past, my dad would often give me a gift or money when he felt he had wronged me. He had never said the words. Later after our Guatemalan daughters joined our family, he loved them very well. One of them claims today she was his favorite. She says he loved her more than me. I can rejoice in that because I know the whole story! In fact, it makes me smile!

My dad was great at being a grandpa. He always had gum and tootsie rolls in his pocket for the kids. He played games with the kids and they always won quarters from him. He brought doughnuts over often and schoolwork would cease for grandpa time. He also made them work though.  He would come over and just start weeding the garden or picking tomatoes or beans. The kids would go help just to be with him. My parents were always willing to have the grandkids over at their house and enjoyed being with them. They were willing sitters. When they began to age and needed care, my children were willing to help them and visit them because of all the good memories they had shared with them.

When dad’s health was failing and he had a bout of cancer, I spent much time taking him to Dr. appointments and to radiation therapy. We spent lots of hours in the car together. What blessed times we had! We talked, joked, and sang old hymns together. I am so glad I had those special times with him. Any healing from past hurts was reconciled in those bonding times. I will never regret all the time I spent with him or any of my parents or in-laws.

There was so much more to my dad, too. He was always willing to borrow money to others if he had it. He opened our home to many. He gave jobs to different people. He was generous. He had a great sense of humor. He was willing to help out. When we were building our house, he would do whatever was needed that he could do. Some of the jobs were not too great, but he did them.

My dad loved giving gifts. At Christmas, we all got money. But then he would make up family baskets with Tide, toilet paper, Kleenex, paper towels, coffee, and other practical things. He had so much fun collecting all of it for each family.

The greatest gift he gave me though was that he loved God and His Word. He talked about it and it was real to him. He wasn’t afraid of dying because he knew where he was going. He knew Heaven was real. His last night on earth was spent at the hospital and with all of us around him. He was smiling and laughing with us, telling us jokes to put us at ease. We had been told he didn’t have long- his heart was giving out. He never sounded like a man with a death sentence, but rather a man who loved life and his family and that every moment counted. The next morning after a bath, he went into a coma and we all gathered around him again. Before noon, he joined Jesus for a heavenly banquet.

I loved my dad. We didn’t have a perfect relationship. It wasn’t always good. But I knew he loved me and he cared for me in lots of different ways. He was a good man. Many respected him and cared about him. He was well liked by many. I believe when he entered Heaven that God said to him, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” He served his family well and the people around him, too. I am glad he was my dad.

Christian Identity

I am a Christian. It is part of my identity. I live differently because that is who I am. I think differently because of it. It colors my world completely. I have attended church my whole life. I have read the Bible through more than once. I pray everyday. I read Christian books. I am careful about what I watch for movies. I try to share my faith with others. My faith helps me determine my priorities. It is the most important part of me being me.

And yet, there are times I feel like I am living on autopilot. I am so a part of the Christian culture that I move through life living like a Christian, but doing it without consciousness. I know what is right and I do it. I am intentional in my behavior, but am often unaware that I am even making a choice.

This isn't bad. My faith walk is so ingrained in me that I move forward purposely. I have a strong sense of who I am and what my convictions are. My faith defines me. And it is real to me.

But sometimes it feels wrong. It is too easy. I feel stuck in a rut of my own choosing. I am just doing what comes naturally and am not challenged. I don't want my Christianity to be just a part of my identity or part of my lifestyle. I want to once again feel "the joy of my salvation." (Psalm 51: 12) I want to be like David, who in Psalm119, delights in God's Word. I want to be a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17) I want to put on a new self. (Colossians 3)

I am just not sure where to begin again. Do I step out in faith, do something that stretches me? Do I get into God's Word? Do I need to step into service somewhere? Do I need to pray more? Go to church more? Listen to more Christian radio? Yes, yes, and yes. IF THAT IS WHAT GOD IS ASKING ME TO DO... I do need to pray, but I need to listen as well. I need to do what He is asking of me and not jump ahead too far and too fast. But I do need to do and not just wait because then I may just miss what is in front of me. Maybe I just need to be obedient to do what I know to do.

My restless soul is asking for change. It is telling me to wake up and become more than a Christian by name, a Christian like everybody else. I need to find my uniqueness and my calling and to step out in faith to become more than what I am.

Do you know this restlessness? Are you, like me, knowing there is more to faith than just holding on to it? Do you know God is calling us to step out in faith to live more radically? Is Christianity only part of your identity, but not part of your passion? My mission this summer is to rediscover that passion and calling. What does God have for me? For you?

Review of As Waters Gone By Cynthia Ruchti

Review of As Waters Gone By Cynthia Ruchti

Cynthia Ruchti has written another moving story. She touched my heart on multiple levels. I could identify with many of the characters and many of the situations. The characters are people you will want to get to know. They are rich in personality and you will enjoy each of them. Emmalyn is hurting as everything in her life has changed when her husband went to prison. She hardly knows who she is anymore. Cora’s husband is deployed and unavailable so she has to hold the family together. Bougie is a friend to all because she, too, has faced hurts. Sweet Hope is a young girl, mature beyond her years, because she had to be. How do they all fit together? How do they all relate? Add Cora’s son, a transient dog, difficult family, and you have real life being lived out.

The story touches reality with so many situations that people are facing today.  In it, you will find a wife dealing with deployment, a troubled marriage, infertility, a move, an older child needing a home, a prison sentence, and surrounding it all, hope! There is pain in all of those situations, yet hope brings about a second chance.  

I felt like this book was written for me. My son and his family have been through 3 deployments. I adopted older children. I have experienced some of the emotions and hurts that the characters faced.  I felt their pain, but I felt their awakening of hope, too. No matter what difficult situation you are facing, you will know that hope gently perseveres to heal and give a second chance. The story shows a persistent hope that changes lives.

This is one of my new favorite books! I fell in love with the characters and felt a true affinity with them. I didn’t want the story to end. But even though the story ended, the sense of peace that hope brought stayed with me. This is a book to read and to share.