Book Review- One More Song to Sing by Lindsay Harrel

One More Song to Sing by Lindsay Harrel- book review

A new young singer comes to Nashville to reach for her dreams, but her dreams are not just of becoming a star, but to find a mother she never met. Ellie longs to belong, to find her place in the world.

This story gives us a picture of the music industry and what the music community is like. But more than that, it shows us family relationships. It explores the depth of how generations can be affected by bad decisions and how the cycle of life can be repeated unless something changes. We see the burden of those decisions on each person and how it has shaped their life.

While the story of Ellie becoming a recording artist is what’s currently happening, the story is much bigger. It is a story of forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing. And there’s some romance, too!

It’s hard to believe One More Song to Sing is a debut novel. The story is well crafted and the characters are well developed. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I recommend it highly. I can’t wait to see what Lindsay Harrrel will write next.

Dear Divorcing Adult Children....

Three of four of my adult children have divorced or are in the process. This has been a heart breaking situation for us. I wrote this in the middle of the messes, but never posted it because it seemed too personal. But divorce is a public record and is not something you can hide. I am being vulnerable in hopes that it will make someone think about it in another way.

                                        An Open Letter to My Married Children

Dear Adult Children,

When you got engaged and then married, you brought another person to our family. At that time, you expected us to accept them, love them, and bring them into our family as one of us. Even though each of you had different stories about how that all transpired, you made a choice to bind your life with that person and we did, too.

We got to know your spouse. We saw their faults and their strengths. We celebrated holidays with them. We spent time with them and you. We watched each of you become parents. We saw your ups and downs. We learned to know them and love them. They became family.

And now when you are done with them, we are not. We still love them. We still care about them. You brought them into our lives, but you cannot force them out. They are woven into the fabric of our lives, woven into our family. They are parents to our grandchildren. Because you stopped loving them does not mean we did. You can never tell my heart to stop loving. That is not your right.  I have not shunned even the people who have really wronged me or hurt me. God’s love in us demands we keep our hearts open to them.

This does not mean we love you any less. Our hearts are big enough to love both of you. We are not taking sides. We care about your family, your children. We would rather have seen you stick it out, to honor your commitment to your spouse. This splitting up of your families has split ours, too. We are no longer whole. It changes things for us, too. Holidays are strained. Trust has been broken. There have been lies and a lack of openness. We know it and we see it. Yet we can still love both of you. We cannot condone; we cannot excuse your behavior. We will always care about you, about your spouse, about your children. We will always pray for you.

We will pray that you return to true faith in God, seeking His Will for your life. More than anything we have always wanted to see our children walking in truth. We have wanted them to know Jesus as Lord and to trust Him with their lives. You can tell me that you have faith, and that it is real to you, but if no one can see the fruit of it and you are choosing sin over what God wants, I doubt you have it. We all sin and I know I do, too, but I will ask for forgiveness and repent, turning from my sin. Saying sorry means little if it is not followed by a change. I am not saying I am better than you. I am a sinner. I recognize that. Though I am a sinner, I am forgiven, too. That makes all the difference in my life. I have new life in Jesus. You, too, can have that.

So, in closing, I remind you once more that I love you. But I also love that other child you gave to me when you married them. I have room in my heart for both of you.

Mom

Song of Silence by Cynthia Ruchti Review

I love Cynthia Ruchti books because they are real life. The characters face situations we all face. Song of Silence is no exception. The story looks at early retirement for one spouse and a forced retirement for the other one. Life isn’t turning out like they planned. Relationships with their older children add more unforeseen complications. The story brings in a deaf mother and a child with Asperger’s. Then an accident changes everything. The story has so much depth and the characters strike a chord as they struggle and then grow through their trials.

Through the story, you will find hope and the belief that even if life isn’t what you thought it would be, it can still be good. This book came to me at a time when I needed that hope and I needed the wisdom it offered. My copy is underlined in several places. I found that, “In the silence, a song is brewing.” Song of Silence showed me when we wait on God, when we trust Him in the silence, even then the song of our life is still being composed.

Music teachers will enjoy this book, but so will anyone who needs to see music in their lives. Read it if you have had too much change in your lives, if unexpected circumstances have come your way. If you enjoy a good story infused with hope, you will like it.

I highly recommend Song of Silence. It will encourage, inspire, and entertain you. Don’t miss out on this one!

Cooking Moods

I enjoy cooking. I love to try new recipes. I like to cook for groups, I like to experiment with new foods. I watch cooking shows. I read cookbooks. I subscribe to cooking magazines. I like to feed people food they enjoy. It gives me pleasure to cook for others. I like to plan meals and shop for what I need.

Most of the time, anyway....

Occasionally I just don't feel like cooking. Or eating. Nothing appeals to me. I look at my cookbooks and turn page after page.... I watch a cooking show and get bored. I shut it off. I shop with nothing in mind, hoping something will inspire me. I go through my recipes and feel nothing but apathy. 

My family has come to expect meals. They like to eat at regularly appointed times, not just when I feel inspired. So out of duty, I do try to put something on the table that passes as a meal. My daughters take pity on all of us and fill in the gaps when I am lacking my normal passion for cooking. My husband will take us out or bring something home when this happens, too. I am not chastened, but  instead comforted by their attention. Of course, it could be because they want to eat.

This mood or phase does not happen often, thankfully. Sometimes it happens when I am tired or not feeling particularly well. But I think it happens when I am on the brink of a minor depression, when things are happening beyond my control that hurt me or affect me negatively. I am unable to be creative when I am stuck in a problem. I am unable to make decisions well when my emotions are in a mess. Everyday ordinary things can become a burden when you are trying to solve bigger issues. Planning a meal or 30 days of meals seems overwhelming when usually I enjoy the challenge.

But sometimes we must operate simply out of duty and do what is necessary. We serve because it is the right thing to do. Even if it seems too hard, if we volunteer to go beyond what is necessary, it puts our minds in a more positive place. So even if I don't feel like it, I try to push myself to do it anyway and to do it as well as I can.

So I will feed my family. And others. I will cook. I will find new recipes. I will find my joy in it. I will look for the passion in me that makes me do it well. I will not allow a mood or whatever has caused that 'mood' to make me lose my enthusiasm for it. Soon. Sometime soon...

If you have a recipe to share, let me know. It could be a favorite comfort food or something you have wanted to try or a recipe for finding joy. I will take any of them! You might be my inspiration!

Until Death Do Us Part

Until Death Do Us Part

The final line in most marriage vows is “until death do us part.” What does that mean to the couples who promise it? Do most really understand that it is a promise for the rest of their lives? It doesn’t mean as long as I am happy. It doesn’t mean until I find someone else. It doesn’t mean unless I want my freedom. It means until one of them dies.

Marriage vows are a commitment, a promise made before God and witnesses. They should not be lightly taken. They should not be lightly broken.

Yet many marriages fail in our culture. Our society has accepted that marriages fail. Rather than work it out, it is easier to call it quits. We have accepted giving up. We no longer hold onto faithfulness and loyalty.

Even when there are children, marriage and family are not held sacred. More children live in broken homes with only one parent than ever before. Children are not reason enough to stay together.

I have long known these statistics, but now they have become personal. While I have never been divorced and never plan to, my children have. Several of my grandchildren are experiencing this. I am watching this. I am hurting because of it.

Divorce affects whole families, friends, and more. I have been told it is personal, only between the two parties involved. But that it is not true. The hurt and separation go much deeper than that. Friends often don’t know how to be loyal to both parties so the friendship changes. Family traditions and holidays change. Nothing remains the same. Children often have to live in two places. The stability and security of home and family is lost.

I hate it. God didn’t intend for it to happen. I never wanted to see it happen in my family. But it has. The pain and disappointment are huge. The stress is never ending. The grief of having a broken family breaks my heart daily.

My response is to love my grandchildren and to offer grace to their hurting parents. I will forgive and I will try to be there for them. I certainly don’t know how to do this and never wanted to. But this is my life and I must walk this road right now. With God’s help, I will find peace in the troubled times. I will seek His joy in the moments He gives me. And every day I pray and pray…

Thoughts on Marriage

Thoughts on Marriage

                The latest statistics on marriage show that fewer Americans are married now than ever before. Fewer get married. Many marry later than before. More end up in divorce.

Marriage used to be the foundation of the family. God used marriage as a picture of Christ’s relationship to the church. It was a good and positive thing. People valued the commitment they made and stuck it out even when it was hard. Even when their feelings failed them, they valued the vows they said before God and their witnesses. Now children grow up in single parent homes or with multiple parents and step-parents. Family traditions go by the way side and holidays are splintered events where they don’t know who to be with when. Life is hard for this generation of children without the stability of a two parent home.

I am currently watching a 2^nd and a 3^rd family close to me go through this. It affects so many. It isn’t just the couple or even the children, but the grandparents and other family members, too. It wreaks havoc on a family. The dynamics of even the extended family and community are changed. People are not sure how to react.  Marriage is a commitment to more than just the spouse, but it is also to future children and to those who witnessed and supported that marriage.

Marriage is not always easy. It is not always romantic. Sometimes it is hard and you have to deal with things you never thought you would. But you promised you would. “For richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse…” When it gets worse or poor, or sick, you promised. How good is your word?

Our marriage has not been perfect. No one’s is. But it has been good more than not. It has not always fulfilled my hopes and dreams. There are times I have not even enjoyed it. But God gave me a deep and abiding love for my husband and even in those tough times, I could cling to that. And if that were not enough, I could cling to God’s love. His love was enough. God’s love would always get me through and would always spill out so there was love enough for my husband.

I am not most important in my marriage. Even my husband isn’t. Our promise to each other is. The Bible says we become one flesh when we marry. I am united with my husband. We love and respect each other. We hold each other in high regard. We even want to serve one another. We honor God when we honor our vows.

My happiness is not the most important thing in our marriage either. I cannot expect my husband to make me happy. My spouse cannot fill the empty, lonely places in me. He cannot fulfill me.  We do enjoy one another. We like being together. We are best friends. I would choose him to be with and do things with before anyone else. (Usually!) We recognize and even celebrate our differences. But our true contentment comes from being in relationship with God. He gives us our joy. He fills us with peace. Give your spouse grace and don’t place unrealistic expectations on him/her. They are human like you.

Marriage is the ultimate test of character. It shows you who you really are. Can you sacrifice or are you really selfish? Are you willing to put aside some of your hopes, dreams, freedoms to make the relationship work? Will you think first and act afterwards? Will you love with a love like Christ’s? Can your love be patient, kind, not envious or boastful, not arrogant or rude, not insist on its own way, not irritable or resentful?  Does your love not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth? Can your love bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things? (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)  Is your promise, your word good? Will you stand by what you said? Will others see your commitment as a witness of God’s love? Are you strong even in adversity?

I am saddened today by a culture that has devalued marriage. I have 2 unmarried daughters and I am disheartened by a world that has become so selfish as to only want what is easy and fun. I want to see a marriage revival where this institution is once again desired. I want it to be seen as good and even better. Ecclesiastes 4: 9 -12 says. “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone. And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him- a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”  There are advantages of having that life partner!

Our marriage is good because we choose for it to be. We have decided that nothing is more important. No issue, no circumstance, no person will separate us. We are both willing to compromise. We both are willing to go above expectations to care for the other. We forgive. We spend time together, even doing things one of us does not enjoy as much as the other. We seek each other out. We talk. We communicate. We go out of our way for each other. We love each other. We look for ways to express it. We put romance back into our lives often. We have fun together. We try not to take advantage of the other one. We give each other the freedom to be different and to do different things. We hold each other accountable. We tell the truth. It is not always easy, but it is worth it.

Marriage is a good institution because it was created by God. He thought of it. He planned it. He hates divorce. He wants marriage to work. And I believe any marriage can work with His love guiding you and holding you together.

Book Recommendation - Tattered and Mended by Cynthia Ruchti

Tattered and Mended: The Art of Healing the Wounded by Cynthia Ruchti

One person’s wrong decision has shattered a family, my family. If you looked at us though, observed our day to day living, you would not see it. Life goes on and we keep living, even though our souls are wounded.

Cynthia Ruchti wrote Tattered and Mended: The Art of Healing the Wounded for me and others like me. When I got the book, I couldn’t read it. It had to sit in front of me for week after weeks before I could open it. My wound was too fresh, too deep. My faith was too little; my hope had deserted me.

When I first opened the book, Cynthia’s words were too beautiful. Her thoughts didn’t touch me. I saw the truth there, but my tattered soul let them blow over me like a breeze that tickles, but doesn’t refresh.

I kept reading anyway because I knew her words were water for those who thirst. I recognized there could be healing and restoration through them.

Finally in chapter 6, I connected with the book as I read, “When a soul is tattered, shredded, we understand how the word soul encompasses our whole being. Everything in us. What isn’t affected? Appetite is. Sleep. Enjoyment of simple pleasures. Time. Energy. Ability to cope with stressors we once surfed. Health. Vitality. Essence. Relationships.” She also said, “Life seems to revolve around our pain. Anything good or productive we accomplish is a monumental victory over the all-encompassing sorrow. And monumentally exhausting.”  

Cynthia was describing me. And others in my family who were agonizing over our hurt. I knew if she could understand the depth of our suffering, then there would be a depth of hope offered as well.

Cynthia’s books are always filled with hope and this book brings hope and healing. It offers new life for the wounded. It shows how to mend the brokenness and transform it into something of beauty.

My story isn’t beautiful yet. It isn’t finished. There is still hurt, but I am encouraged again. I am hopeful. This book tugged me back to a place where I can trust God no matter what. I will use the tools suggested to move forward.

Tattered and Mended by Cynthia Ruchti is like poetry for the hurting. It soothes, uplifts, teaches, and encourages. If you are hurting or know someone who is, this book is for you. It reminds us that God wants us to live whole and mended.

Marriage Plans

Marriage Plans

My husband looked at me a few weekends ago and said, “We need to plan where the rest of our lives are going. I don’t want to live just doing the next thing or stuck in the same place.” Or something like that. I don’t remember the exact words.

I said, “OK! Let’s do it!” I agreed that nothing happens without plans so we should be intentional and do it.

His first ‘plan’ was to stay married to me for the rest of his life.  And he asked me if I ‘planned’ on that, too. I smiled and assured him that was always the plan!

When I laughed about it, he said, “What? Not everyone plans that!”

And he was right. Not everyone plans to stay married for a lifetime.  Some people believe the lie that marriage is supposed to make them happy, that a spouse will complete them. And when it doesn’t, they think have the right to move on. Many believe their personal happiness outweighs their duty, responsibility, and vows. During the marriage ceremony, a couple promises to stay married ‘til death do us part. They promise in sickness and in health, in poverty, and wealth, and more. Maybe they mean it at the time. Maybe they don’t totally think about what they have said. But half of marriages fail. Christian marriages are no different. This is a heartbreaking phenomenon that many children have to deal with. Broken homes are becoming the norm in many places. People are not living up to the commitment they have made. They have convinced themselves that their happiness is more important than fulfilling their commitment. They no longer care who is hurt by their lack of commitment to their own family.

I am watching someone I love go through this right now. I have already had a daughter go through divorce and also two close friends. I know others, too, who have experienced divorce and the break-up of a family. But when it was someone close, I saw the wounds that were created. I saw the after effects on the children. I saw the pain that went with all the changes. While the children do find a new normal, they never fully recover. It changes the relationships with the parents and with others. Often grandparents struggle to figure out what kind of relationship they can still have with their grandchildren.

In the midst of it, the people involved cannot see the big picture. Even if they have seen the negative effects of another divorce, they think it will be different for them. They rationalize that they will be better at handling all the difficulties and that they can minimalize them for their children. The reality is that it will affect them, their children, and their extended families. The effects are long lasting, too. While the children are forced to adjust to changes in their living situations, their emotions, trust, and security are forever altered. Holiday traditions and family celebrations will never be the same. The things children hold onto for their stability are just not there.

I know all these things. I have seen these things in the past. But now it is again personal, watching someone go through it that is close to me. The people struggling with this are people I love. I have already seen my daughter go through it and have watched grandchildren face all those changes and try to find their place after all the disruptions. She hurt them all and they still are unsure of their relationship with her. I never wanted to see it again or watch it happen again. The pain is like a weight that pushes down on you all the time. It never fully lets you go. It steals your joy and keeps you from full productivity on anything. It steals your breath away as you cannot understand all that is happening or what the people are thinking. You constantly wonder how it can be happening to them.  You see what they cannot see. And they think you are interfering when you try to help them see what they don’t want to see.

I am not good at sitting back and watching a crisis unfold in front of me. I want to confront. I want to talk and make them see the bigger picture. I want them to do what is right. I am not good at waiting. I do pray, but I want to know what is happening. I feel so helpless. I want to DO something.

So back to life plans… My husband was right. The first plan is to stay married the rest of our lives. We made a covenant before God and man to do that. And we are going to honor that commitment no matter what. We are going to love and honor each other. There are days we may not like each other or something the other has done. There may be days when we don’t agree with each other. We may have different goals or expectations, but we can always work it out. We love each other with a love that God gave us and it is strong enough to weather any trial. We will make it. We will make it good. We will enjoy it and will grow old together. I pray that for others, too.

 

 

My Blogging Lapse

My last post was in July. That seems like a long time ago and much has happened in that time. We had just come home from vacation and life was good! It was summertime after all and that is my favorite time of the year. I had much to look forward to and many plans to complete before Fall and all the obligations that brings. I wanted to get the most out of the last days of summer as possible.

But now I don't even remember August or September. I only completed a few of my projects. Some I will share at a later time. Some projects we did to give us something else to think about. Things didn't happen as we thought they would. Instead a bombshell was dropped on us. Or at least that was how it felt.

We were told of a situation in a family's life that was devastating to us. We couldn't really do anything about it, but our thoughts were consumed by it. We just could not let it go. We talked about it, thought about it, agonized over it, prayed over it, and got stuck in it.

Even though life went on, and we did what we needed to, we didn't do a lot of extras. My blog got lost because I figured I would bleed all over the pages or tears would stain my computer. How's that for dramatic? My life was ruled by drama and some days it still is.  I couldn't share about what was happening because it wasn't my story to tell. It still isn't. At least not yet. Maybe someday. Maybe not. It all depends on what happens next.

So my blogging lapse had a reason. I love to write and I did. I just didn't share any of what I wrote. But it is time for me to write again and to share. I have things to say! Some of it will come from experiences; some from my deepest places. Some will come from my pain; some will come from the joys in my heart, but it will all be me and will be my story.

What I learned On Vacation

What I learned on Vacation

 

First I learned that not all vacations are restful or relaxing. Sometimes vacations are so we stretch ourselves and we can try something new and out of our comfort zone.

Next I learned that sometimes you do something you would rather not do so someone else is able to do what they want to do. (Try not to complain too much when it is hard or scary!)

I also discovered as I pushed myself out of my comfort zone that I could do some things I thought I could not do. Whether it was courage or exhaustion that forced me on is still up for debate!

No matter what you are doing, you can see goodness in something. The beauty of the world around you, the people you get to meet, the experiences you had all make an impact on who you are.

We have a beautiful diverse country. I knew this before, but seeing the big sky country of Montana and the badlands of the Dakotas, the rivers, and fields renewed in my heart how blessed we truly are.

I love the people I travel with. We don’t all get along perfectly all the time, but more often than not!

I like camping, better than staying in motels. I like having my own pillow. I like drinking my own water. I like eating my food. I will admit my camper does have air conditioning and a potty and shower. Those things all help!

Be flexible. Sometimes things don’t go how you planned. Some are better; some are not as good as you hoped. We spent money on out-of-state fishing licenses and didn’t catch any fish.

Sleep is essential. You need to be rested to drive lots of miles. You also need to be rested to do all the things you might want to do. It also keeps everyone smiling more often. Tired people are often moody people.

Talk about your plans, expectations, and dreams before you go, while you are on the trip and later, too. Know what each of you are hoping for and what each expects of the others. I said more than once, “You didn’t tell me that!” There is much more cooperation when we understand what is expected and what is happening!

Those ten things were the main things I learned, but there were many more. This is the short version of how our trip went.

Our trip was to Billings, Montana, and we started out after supper one evening. We drove on and on until all of us were too tired. We tried to sleep in the car for a few hours, but believe me, those were not restful hours! We got to Glendive 2 hours before the Dinosaur Museum was open so had to wait before we could tour it. It was interesting and well done. We enjoyed that.

Then onward to Nye, Montana! We didn’t quite get there the first night so stayed in Columbus in a city park and then moved on to Woodbine Campground near Nye. We hiked to the Falls and hung out hoping someone would vacate their camping site! It worked and we got the only available one. My husband had memories of going there when he was 8 years old. Obviously his memories were not detailed and he could not answer the many questions we had for him. He wanted to hike back to Sioux Charley Lake and trout fish because he didn’t get to when he was there before.  I am ashamed to say I wasn’t very supportive. I don’t like heights; I don’t like bears; and I don’t like long hikes. It was a 3 ½ mile hike-one way! It was next to a raging river at times, climbed to a higher altitude than I was used to, and signs said to bring bear repellent. I was not the most cooperative participant. And after all that, we didn’t catch any fish! I was tired, hungry, achy, sore, and a bit crabby. I didn’t make my husband’s dream of reliving that very pleasant. But to my defense, I did do it!

We did see one bear, but he wasn’t much interested in us. We saw many deer, mule deer, and an abundance of bunny rabbits. Some of the scenery was spectacular-when I was able to look around and see it!

After our wilderness experiences, we traveled back to Billings to the BMWMOA rally. We arrived early so Janaya, our youngest daughter, could participate in a GEARS (Gaining Early Advanced Riding Skills) class. While she and my husband did that for 2 days, Mandy (my other daughter) and I shopped and toured Billings, mostly to get out of the heat. Everyday we were there, it was in the 90’s+. We also did some volunteering at the rally. Over 5800 people were registered. That’s a lot of bikes! We stayed through the closing ceremony and then headed out to get a few hundred miles done yet that evening. Sunday is travel day as both my husband and daughter have to work on Monday.  

It wasn’t a perfect trip, but we will all carry memories from it! It was very hot and that changed our plans on numerous occasions. But it was a break from the ordinary and a change of pace for all of us. It was good to get away and experience new things. We all learned more about ourselves, each other, and our world. It was an adventure, for sure and a learning experience, as well!