Being Mom

Being a parent is the hardest thing I have done. It is also the most rewarding thing I  have done. I have 6 children of whom 5 are now adults. But they are still my kids! And parenting children who are adults is impossible, but they remain your children even when all grown up. You want to spare them the hard lessons. You want to give them your wisdom from your life's experiences. You want to build them up. You want to encourage them and help them succeed. You want to still tell them , "No!" You want to protect them and hold them close. You want to love them like you used to. But they may not want any of that from you... :-(

Their mistakes can become yours as you take ownership of them when you think , "If only I had..."  "If only I had not..." You can blame yourself for their decisions.  You can blame yourself for all that goes wrong. They may blame you for what is not right in your life. You start to feel inadequate, not good enough. When I get to that point, sometimes I become immobilized to do anything. I don't believe that is where God wants me. I believe we must learn to go through conflict holding onto God and our faith with all we have so we can grow through it. But it is not always easy or fun, and sometimes it hurts a whole lot.

I am currently reading Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis. She became a mom at age 19 through adoption of several daughters in Uganda. She wasn't ready to face the challenges of being a mom at that age, unmarried, and without the support of family nearby. Yet she knew God called her to it and He would help her in the day-to-day challenges. She says in her book," I made peace with feeling inadequate because the truth is, I was. I still am, we all are. I quickly became okay with being imperfect. Throughout the Bible, God chose seemingly inadequate people to do His work.....God has a way of using inadequate people, and sometimes He calls us to reach a little higher or to stretch a little further, even when we feel we can't do any more. We simply trust Him.  And then He gives us everything we need to do the more that He is asking of us..."

Wow! If Katie as a young adult can parent several needy children in a third world country with little resources, and through her inadequacies still trust God, so can we! I know I am not the perfect parent. My kids will reinforce that! I am so far from it that I have to not only trust God through my inadequacies, but I also have to ask forgiveness for them. I just don't do a lot right. I blow it time and again. I have hurt my children. I have not lived up to their expectations. I am not their dream mom. But I don't do it all wrong either. I love them fiercely. I will defend them and stand up for them. I taught them that God's Word is truth. I showed them how to serve others.  Four of my children have their own children and I love those grandchildren, too! What blessings they all are!

I may be mom and have been for more than 30 years now, but I am still learning. I am still learning to be me. I am not just a mom, although that encompasses much of who I am. I am learning to be who God wants me to be. I need to be a bold witness of Him and all He is to me. I need to do His calling and sometimes that will interfere with being a mom or grandma. I know I will fail again. But as Katie said, I am making peace with not being adequate in what others want from me. I am imperfect, and God still loves me. He can use me if I am obedient.  I will keep trusting Him and keep on reaching a little higher to do all He wants me to.

Disappointments in Life

What do you do when life disappoints you? Do you get depressed, upset, angry? Do you get hurt? How do you handle it? Do you just push it away or let it simmer in your soul?

Recently I had a few people in my life disappoint me. One person lied to me. Another pushed me away and another hurt me by pointing out my inadequacies... Each of those things made me question the relationship. It made me wonder if I had put more value on the relationship than the other person did. It made me ask how important the relationship was to me.

Of course, emotions got in the way! I was alternately saddened and frustrated. Then when I got past those emotions, I could think more rationally about it all. That doesn't mean the hurt just goes away. It still resurfaces and I have to deal with it again. I just choose to release the hurt as it comes and concentrate on whether the relationship is worth the pain that comes with it. All three of the people that disappointed me are people I love so I am not willing to give up the reationship. So what do I do?

I confronted the one that lied to me and we were able to choose forgiveness and restoration. The confrontation wasn't pleasant, but was healing. I will not confront the one that has pushed me away because that doesn't seem to be the right thing to do right now. All of us need space sometimes and I will respect that for now. The third person may not know she has hurt me or she may have intentionally done it. Because I don't know for sure, I am unsure of how to handle it. For now, I will choose to just love her.

Life has so many ups and downs. And it is so busy... We can get so busy that we don't deal with issues with people or we can be so busy that the issues just aren't as important. Relationships are important to me and I am always more than ready to apologize if I need to and I need to often. I often speak first and then have to rethink if what I said hurt someone. But because I am so busy at this stage in my life, I want things settled. I don't like unresolved conflict. Sometimes I push for resolution when the other person isn't ready which can cause more problems. Or I just want to give up when it isn't in my time table. I am usually prepared to forgive and let go fairly easily because I don't have the time and energy to hold a grudge.

I am not sure what this says about how I handle conflict. As I get older, I am more ready to see another person's side of things. I am more able to not let every issue be a' live or die' issue. I am not less passionate about what I believe, just more understanding that others come from a different place. That doesn't mean I always agree or condone, I just try to be more patient.

Life's disappointments are for learning. I learn more about myself and others. I can become stronger or give up when faced with life's challenges. I choose to remember that God is with me and that He loves me. He created me and He is not finished with me yet! Though I may struggle with disappointments, the joy in my heart comes from knowing I am accepted by Him!

Seasons of Life

I have been aware for a long time that we have different seasons of life, but in the last few years it has been more obvious to me. How many times have I reminded one of my complaining children that this, too, will pass as it is only for a season? And as I have reminded them, I was reminding myself!

I have had a son deployed and he is just recently home. It seemed like he was gone a long time, but now that he is home, life at their house takes on its new normal. Another son had an injury that changed his last year, but it is now healed and he is back to work. One of my daughters just finished college and though she celebrates that, she is waiting to see what is next. Each has gone through a season of change and now each one is going through a different phase of life.

For my husband and I, we are in the stage of not having any parents here on earth anymore. We are facing what that feels like. We have been caretakers for the last 6 years or so and now we are not, at least not in the same sense. We are still trying to think what that means to our lives. I no longer have to take anyone to Dr. appointments or cook extra meals or grocery shop for someone else. We can plan a vacation without worrying about someone's health. But it is too soon for us to fully realize those changes yet. We haven't planned that vacation or found the extra time we would have used doing things for or with them. We are still not accustomed to this new season. We haven't learned how to function in this new season yet.

Each season has its challenges, and its gifts. I work hard at finding something to be grateful for in each season. It helps me to be more content. Being thankful makes life more enjoyable. Even the challenges can be good as they make us grow in ways we wouldn't otherwise.

Recognizing there are seasons of life helps us to face the hardships, knowing they won't go on forever.Times of uncertainty will pass. We can anticipate good times ahead and we can look forward to the changes that life will bring. The seasons of life keep us from being bored. We  know that with time there will be different things to face, different people to interact with, and different problems to solve.

I like the idea of seasons of life. I have lived all my life in a place where there are four distinct seasons. We definitely have a spring, summer, fall, and winter! Temperatures change drastically, from way below 0 to triple digits in the summer. People complain about the extremes and wish for the opposite every season. We joke about missing the snow or missing the heat, but both will come in their season. Change will happen. It is said that if you don't like the weather, wait a few minutes! Just as in weather, changes will happen in life, too. Whatever you are going through right now, it won't last forever. It is only for a season. And no matter what it is, God goes with you through it, if you want Him to.  He is the stability in the midst of change. He is what you can cling to. He will give you strength and make you able to face what is before you. Knowing that puts joy in my heart.

Peter Pan Christians

I have always joked that my now 20 year old daughter would love to live in Neverland. I teased her about wanting to be Peter Pan. She just didn't want to grow up! She wanted to continue to have fun with a childlike abandon and she wanted to keep the joys of childhood close. Time has a way of forcing its hand and she is a wonderful young lady. She has graduated from college and has a wonderful mature heart that loves and serves well. But she still loves to play and we still love the idea of Neverland. We love the movie Hook and we just watched Finding Neverland. We love practical jokes and teasing one another. We love to have fun together.

So what does that have to do with being a Christian? Last week on the radio, I heard David Jeremiah mention Peter Pan Christians. My ears perked up because of our fascination with Peter Pan. I only heard some of it, but it stuck with me and resonated with me. He described Peter Pan Chhristians as Christians who have taken that first step of faith, but have not matured into living that faith. I am saying it as it affected me, not as he said it. He talked about going into a church that had bickering and strife and how it was just like going into a nursery where all the little ones just wanted their own way. When we as Christians get stuck in our own agendas, rather than in God's, we all want our own way. I continued to think about other ways we were not maturing in the faith. When we continue to live in doubt and worry constantly, we are not trusting as a mature Christian should. When we only want to read and obey the parts of the Bible we like, we are not eating the solid food the Bible offers us so we grow up in Christ. I didn't like the idea of being a Peter Pan Christian at all!

I realized that if I really didn't like it, I better do something about it. I need to keep growing as a Christian. I have to do the things that will allow me to mature in Christ. I must pray. I do pray. I like to pray. But do I listen? I have to read my Bible everday so I am immersed in God's Word. Serving has to be part of my life. Even in sacrificial ways... I need to worship. I will desire God's will. I will want to delight in Him. I will find joy in all things. Jesus will be my strength, my hope, my love.

My Neverland that I will look forward to will be Heaven and I will live in Eternity, whole and complete. But until then, while we admire Peter Pan's youth, we will grow up because time demands it. We can keep our child-like faith, trust and joy! We can have fun! We can play and enjoy life! But as a Christian, I will mature because while I like Peter Pan, I don't want to be a Peter Pan Christian.

God, My Father

God is so good! I knew today would be hard as I had to go do a parade in the town where my father-in-law had lived. It has only been 2 weeks since he left us for his Heavenly home. Our grief is still fresh and surprises us in the most unexpected ways. Before I left this morning, I was reading in my Bible and the overwhelming truth that  God spoke into my heart was that He is my Father. Neither my husband or I have any parents left here on this earth and sometimes that is hard. We loved them and felt incredibly blessed to have them in our lives so we truly miss them. But today as God touched me with His love once again, I didn't feel like an orphan. I once again knew a parent's love, protection, and security.  God is our Father. Today that is the joy of my heart.

Why I Am Involved In Politics

Why I am Involved in Politics

Many of my friends and family don’t understand my passion for politics. Sometimes I don’t. It takes a lot of my time, energy, and resources to be involved at the capacity I am involved. My life is very regimented and scheduled during a campaign year, and I am not even a candidate. I am a volunteer. I don’t get paid. I do it because I must.

I must do it because I am passionate about my faith, my values, and my family. I want good candidates that will become good legislators because of those same things. I want people of faith that stand with me in supporting my values. I want to make a difference for my family and I can do that at a grass roots level making policy and helping to choose good candidates. I want our liberties defended and our freedoms maintained. I want my grandchildren to grow up in a country that they can be proud of.

I must be involved because God has given me this passion and the abilities to do the job before me. I feel called to step out unafraid and to speak boldly, but in love with compassion.

I must be involved because you aren’t. At least you aren’t doing my job! You may be doing something and, for that, I am very grateful. But many do nothing but complain. We need more activists. We need people to stand up for what they believe in. Our country and our state are at a crossroads and if we don’t work at keeping our freedoms, they will be lost. Our country will be different than it has been, and not in a good way. As we become more tolerant, we excuse even the worst behavior. We no longer know what is right or wrong. We lose our foundations of faith, family and values.

I don’t want to see that happen so I am involved politically. I am a Republican because their platform is the closest to my values. I support life, marriage between a man and a woman, the right to bear arms, free press, free speech, freedom of religion, and fiscal responsibility. Though every Republican candidate may not support every one of these values, the party stands behind these principles so I stand with them.

I am involved and I hope you might consider being involved, too. Together we can make a difference. We need you. We need your help. Ask me if you want to help. I am a campaign chair and I can always use more volunteers. The other candidates could use your help, too.  We need funds as well. There is much you could do. And if we all did something, much more would get done. If nothing else, at least get out and vote. Get informed, vote your values, and make a difference in that way.  

And in the meantime, don’t look at us who are politically involved as crazy. Smile at us in the parades. Let us put a sign up. Read our letters to the editor. Be glad we are trying to make a difference. It might just be for your good. We do it because we care about people! And people are the joys of my heart!

Grief...and Joy!

Death. It is so final...for those of us left behind. It can hurt so much. Yet for a believer who dies in Christ, it is only a portal that they pass through into eternal paradise. It only takes a moment for them to pass through into their new life.

My father-in-law passed away just over a week ago and I watched him during his last moments on earth. In the afternoon of the day before, he was in pain. I sensed some fear in him, too. I kept talking to him and praying for him. I prayed that God would let him pass in peace and that He wouldn't let him die until He had made his peace with God. As the day went on, he was less agitated, had less pain. He began to rest more quietly with no distress. Even with no more pain meds, he was comfortable. I sensed God's presence. When it was his time to go, he just didn't take the next breath. He didn't fight it or struggle. He just left his earthly body behind. We cried and mourned. We will miss him, but God has healed him now and he is safe in the arms of Jesus.

He was our last parent. His leaving is the end of an era. My husband and I are the elders now and bear the cloak of responsibility once held by our parents. Whether we feel ready or not, it is time.

It is said that time heals our sorrows, but I know that is not completely true. Life goes on and you continue to live it so you no longer dwell on the pain or loss. Yet many things still trigger the loss and sadness, and there is still grief that surprises us often. But death does not win out. Christ has won the victory and we will see our loved ones again in Heaven if we trust in Jesus.That victory promise is what keeps me going and renews the joys of my heart, even while experiencing grief.

Living in Disconnect

I clicked on it yesterday - Disconnect. And something in my brain clicked, too. Although I meant to disconnect my computer from the internet, I had this instant heart check with the word. That's how I feel! I am on disconnect...

 First it was with my church. We haven't been able to attend lately so that doesn't help. We live 30 miles away. I don't have a ministry there.

Then it has been with a couple of my closest friends. It isn't anything bad between us (I don't think.) Busy-ness, family commitments, and other situations have just taken up the time we would have spent together. I realized summer is half gone and I haven't had lunch or coffee with any friends. And many of our family outings have been obligations rather than just spontaneous get-togethers.

Worse yet, I feel like I am in a spiritual desert. While I am still praying, I am not sure I am listening well. I am not reading my Bible enough. I know it so why haven't I changed the situation? I think the drink I need is just out of my reach. I am tired. I am thirsty. I am weary. But I am surviving. And I will come out of the desert. I have before and God will give me the strength to do so. I know this so I am waiting. I don't know what it will take to make me reach for the Living Water I need. I have tried. It doesn't make sense, but if you are honest, you may have felt this way yourself sometimes somewhere.

I wish the answer was as easy as  my internet connection. After I hit Disconnect, I reached out and hit Connect again. It was instant. It happened. I know God is within reach, too. I know He is there for me. I know He hears me.  I need His Spirit so I hear Him as well. One of these days I will let you know that I am Connected again, on the same frequency with my Lord. One of these days soon we will be sharing the joys of my heart once more.

A New Goal

Writing takes last place lately as my day to day life overwhelms me. I tend to do what is right before me and whatever is most urgent. I love to write. I love to think and write it out. My notebooks are full of comments, thoughts, and ideas. They just rarely make it to my computer. My daughter, Mandy, has challenged me to write at least one time a week. She intends to do it as well. We will hold each other accountable!

Instead of my notebooks piling up and bits and pieces here and there, I will try to be more consistent in getting my words in order. This is my goal, my starting point. Now I just have to take the time and do it.

All of us have something we should be doing. Our hearts yearn for us to create, to be what God has created us to be. A friend of mine paints, but not often enough... She needs to free herself to do this thing she loves. My daughter blogs and reaches an international audience with her words, when she does it! Each of us have gifts, talents, and passions given to us by God. We need to develop them and use them. It gives God  pleasure and is fullfilling to us, too, when we use those gifts.

What talent or gift should you be pursuing more actively?  Do you need to set a goal to just do it? Do you need someone to hold you accountable to do it? Join the challenge. Do something this summer every week that you enjoy and helps you to grow and become the person God created you to be. Let's have fun pursing our goals. Dream with me. Find joy in stretching yourself and you will have new joysin your heart!

Death and Life...

If you had only a short time to live, what would you do with the time you had left? Life's brevity has once again forced its way into my thoughts. Someone close to me just had a heart attack. My father-in-law has lung cancer. Someone we were friends with a long time ago had a tragic accident and died. And we are all aging... With both my parents and my mother-in-law already gone to Heaven, it doesn't seem so far away as it once did. We are all closer to death than we want to admit. We are all terminal. We just don't know when our time is.

These thoughts may seem morbid to you, but they really aren't. I am not afraid to die. But I am not ready to die in the sense that I love the life God has given me. I love my family and friends. I treasure those relationships and don't want to give them up yet. I enjoy where God has placed me. I want to serve Him and be all I can today. While I have breath and strength, I want to do His will.

So back to my first question. What would you do with your time if you only had today? Or a week? Or a month? Or a lifetime, however long or short? Does the amount make a difference?  Would you live differently if you knew when your end was coming? I am sure I would, but a part of me hopes I wouldn't change all that much. I hope I am living in the place I am supposed to be, doing what God wants and fullfilling the desires He has put in me. I hope my love for those in my life is evident. I am still working on that!

One friend bought a new truck because he thought he should enjoy what time he has left. Another person just refuses to accept the inevitable, denying what is ahead.  We are all different; we would all face the possibility of death differently.

I would want to restore a broken relationship. I want to do that now, but don't know how. I would be even more intentional in sharing the hope I have in Christ. I would write letters, call those whom I care about. I would let my friends know how important they are to me. I would tell my children and my husband how much they mean to me. I would deepen my relationship with Christ. I would...

Why not do those things now? I already know that I don't know how long on Earth I have, or you have. So shouldn't I live as if the end is near and not get all caught up in what is unimportant? In Sunday School we are talking about margin. We discussed how often the urgent takes precedence over the important. How many times do we ask others to wait while we finish a task when we could have shown them some love and consideration right then? Sometimes the moment vanishes to never come again. We have all lost those moments and have had regrets.

I want to live in the present with my eye on the future. I want to plan for what is ahead, but not miss out on what is in front of me. Want to join me in this adventure and see what joys our hearts will gather together?