I sat in church on Sunday and people watched a bit. I also worshiped and listened to a very good sermon. But as I reflected on my whole experience and thought some more about the people, I thought about who I saw there. And who wasn't there. I started thinking about the young men I saw. One young man in front of me had long hair in a ponytail, and a headband. He was in shorts and looked as though he wasn't sure if he wanted to be there. His participation was minimal. I realize this could be misconstrued as judging, but really I am just recording my observations. A few rows up, there was a young man who was very much in worship mode, arms raised and singing every song. He had rapt attention for the pastor's words. He was with a group from a local drug rehab center. The first young man had grown up in the church; the second had come from a difficult past. One seemed bored; one seemed enraptured. I admit to taking some liberties here as I don't know either of the young men, just their current circumstances.
As I sat with my two daughters, I thought about which young man would make a better potential mate. I long for my daughters to marry someone someday who loves Jesus even more than they love my daughter. So if I were to choose from my observations, would I choose the guy who grew up in the church, but who didn't seem too excited about being there now? Or would I choose someone who is new to the faith, but on fire for now at least? I am glad I don't have to choose. I will instead pray for God to lead my daughters to the right man for her.
But back to my original question... Where have all the young men gone? As I looked around, I didn't see many at church that were unmarried, unattached, potential suitors for the young women I know. I know 4 young women in their early 30's who are Christian, professional women that are all single. Who will step up to the plate to court these young women? I know more that are 18-30. Many of these young women long for a godly relationship with a young man and eventually a marriage and life with him. Where are the guys? Why are they not actively seeking a wife?
This has long been a pet peeve of mine. Why aren't we raising young men that want to get married? Why don't they want to do it younger? My husband and I married when he was 18 and I was 21. My older son married when he was 25, but he would have liked to be married younger. It just didn't work out for him as he was deployed in the National Guard several times. My younger son married when he was 19. We don't believe in long engagements either. We raised our sons to take initiative, set goals, plan for the future, and plan for a family you can support. Is that odd? We wanted them to get married, and have children, even while they were young.
Now when we look around, we just don't see that for our daughters or their friends. Guys are so into furthering themselves, having a good time, experiencing life, that they are not ready for marriage, a wife, and children until much later. We are doing a disservice to our children, raising them to think of themselves when we should be preparing them to think of others first so a marriage will work. Where are the Christian young men? What are they thinking about marriage and their futures?
Some seem afraid, but why? Have we sent the wrong message to them? Have we given marriage a bad rap? Yes, some fail. But many thrive and the spouses have a better life than if they were single. I want good marriages for my children. I want them to have godly partners that will lift them up, will pray for them, and will love them. I know no marriage is perfect, but it can be a good, good life! Let's encourage our young men to find wives, to court our lovely young women , and to start families. We must model good marriages for them and show them the benefits of marriage. We must support them as they seek to figure out how to find their potential spouse. Churches need to figure out how to minister to the singles in their congregations. We need to find ways for these Christian singles to meet. I see so many of the Christian young women out there in the community, in the church. But where are the Christian young men?
