Being a parent is the hardest thing I have done. It is also the most rewarding thing I have done. I have 6 children of whom 5 are now adults. But they are still my kids! And parenting children who are adults is impossible, but they remain your children even when all grown up. You want to spare them the hard lessons. You want to give them your wisdom from your life's experiences. You want to build them up. You want to encourage them and help them succeed. You want to still tell them , "No!" You want to protect them and hold them close. You want to love them like you used to. But they may not want any of that from you... :-(
Their mistakes can become yours as you take ownership of them when you think , "If only I had..." "If only I had not..." You can blame yourself for their decisions. You can blame yourself for all that goes wrong. They may blame you for what is not right in your life. You start to feel inadequate, not good enough. When I get to that point, sometimes I become immobilized to do anything. I don't believe that is where God wants me. I believe we must learn to go through conflict holding onto God and our faith with all we have so we can grow through it. But it is not always easy or fun, and sometimes it hurts a whole lot.
I am currently reading Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis. She became a mom at age 19 through adoption of several daughters in Uganda. She wasn't ready to face the challenges of being a mom at that age, unmarried, and without the support of family nearby. Yet she knew God called her to it and He would help her in the day-to-day challenges. She says in her book," I made peace with feeling inadequate because the truth is, I was. I still am, we all are. I quickly became okay with being imperfect. Throughout the Bible, God chose seemingly inadequate people to do His work.....God has a way of using inadequate people, and sometimes He calls us to reach a little higher or to stretch a little further, even when we feel we can't do any more. We simply trust Him. And then He gives us everything we need to do the more that He is asking of us..."
Wow! If Katie as a young adult can parent several needy children in a third world country with little resources, and through her inadequacies still trust God, so can we! I know I am not the perfect parent. My kids will reinforce that! I am so far from it that I have to not only trust God through my inadequacies, but I also have to ask forgiveness for them. I just don't do a lot right. I blow it time and again. I have hurt my children. I have not lived up to their expectations. I am not their dream mom. But I don't do it all wrong either. I love them fiercely. I will defend them and stand up for them. I taught them that God's Word is truth. I showed them how to serve others. Four of my children have their own children and I love those grandchildren, too! What blessings they all are!
I may be mom and have been for more than 30 years now, but I am still learning. I am still learning to be me. I am not just a mom, although that encompasses much of who I am. I am learning to be who God wants me to be. I need to be a bold witness of Him and all He is to me. I need to do His calling and sometimes that will interfere with being a mom or grandma. I know I will fail again. But as Katie said, I am making peace with not being adequate in what others want from me. I am imperfect, and God still loves me. He can use me if I am obedient. I will keep trusting Him and keep on reaching a little higher to do all He wants me to.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Disappointments in Life
What do you do when life disappoints you? Do you get depressed, upset, angry? Do you get hurt? How do you handle it? Do you just push it away or let it simmer in your soul?
Recently I had a few people in my life disappoint me. One person lied to me. Another pushed me away and another hurt me by pointing out my inadequacies... Each of those things made me question the relationship. It made me wonder if I had put more value on the relationship than the other person did. It made me ask how important the relationship was to me.
Of course, emotions got in the way! I was alternately saddened and frustrated. Then when I got past those emotions, I could think more rationally about it all. That doesn't mean the hurt just goes away. It still resurfaces and I have to deal with it again. I just choose to release the hurt as it comes and concentrate on whether the relationship is worth the pain that comes with it. All three of the people that disappointed me are people I love so I am not willing to give up the reationship. So what do I do?
I confronted the one that lied to me and we were able to choose forgiveness and restoration. The confrontation wasn't pleasant, but was healing. I will not confront the one that has pushed me away because that doesn't seem to be the right thing to do right now. All of us need space sometimes and I will respect that for now. The third person may not know she has hurt me or she may have intentionally done it. Because I don't know for sure, I am unsure of how to handle it. For now, I will choose to just love her.
Life has so many ups and downs. And it is so busy... We can get so busy that we don't deal with issues with people or we can be so busy that the issues just aren't as important. Relationships are important to me and I am always more than ready to apologize if I need to and I need to often. I often speak first and then have to rethink if what I said hurt someone. But because I am so busy at this stage in my life, I want things settled. I don't like unresolved conflict. Sometimes I push for resolution when the other person isn't ready which can cause more problems. Or I just want to give up when it isn't in my time table. I am usually prepared to forgive and let go fairly easily because I don't have the time and energy to hold a grudge.
I am not sure what this says about how I handle conflict. As I get older, I am more ready to see another person's side of things. I am more able to not let every issue be a' live or die' issue. I am not less passionate about what I believe, just more understanding that others come from a different place. That doesn't mean I always agree or condone, I just try to be more patient.
Life's disappointments are for learning. I learn more about myself and others. I can become stronger or give up when faced with life's challenges. I choose to remember that God is with me and that He loves me. He created me and He is not finished with me yet! Though I may struggle with disappointments, the joy in my heart comes from knowing I am accepted by Him!
Recently I had a few people in my life disappoint me. One person lied to me. Another pushed me away and another hurt me by pointing out my inadequacies... Each of those things made me question the relationship. It made me wonder if I had put more value on the relationship than the other person did. It made me ask how important the relationship was to me.
Of course, emotions got in the way! I was alternately saddened and frustrated. Then when I got past those emotions, I could think more rationally about it all. That doesn't mean the hurt just goes away. It still resurfaces and I have to deal with it again. I just choose to release the hurt as it comes and concentrate on whether the relationship is worth the pain that comes with it. All three of the people that disappointed me are people I love so I am not willing to give up the reationship. So what do I do?
I confronted the one that lied to me and we were able to choose forgiveness and restoration. The confrontation wasn't pleasant, but was healing. I will not confront the one that has pushed me away because that doesn't seem to be the right thing to do right now. All of us need space sometimes and I will respect that for now. The third person may not know she has hurt me or she may have intentionally done it. Because I don't know for sure, I am unsure of how to handle it. For now, I will choose to just love her.
Life has so many ups and downs. And it is so busy... We can get so busy that we don't deal with issues with people or we can be so busy that the issues just aren't as important. Relationships are important to me and I am always more than ready to apologize if I need to and I need to often. I often speak first and then have to rethink if what I said hurt someone. But because I am so busy at this stage in my life, I want things settled. I don't like unresolved conflict. Sometimes I push for resolution when the other person isn't ready which can cause more problems. Or I just want to give up when it isn't in my time table. I am usually prepared to forgive and let go fairly easily because I don't have the time and energy to hold a grudge.
I am not sure what this says about how I handle conflict. As I get older, I am more ready to see another person's side of things. I am more able to not let every issue be a' live or die' issue. I am not less passionate about what I believe, just more understanding that others come from a different place. That doesn't mean I always agree or condone, I just try to be more patient.
Life's disappointments are for learning. I learn more about myself and others. I can become stronger or give up when faced with life's challenges. I choose to remember that God is with me and that He loves me. He created me and He is not finished with me yet! Though I may struggle with disappointments, the joy in my heart comes from knowing I am accepted by Him!
Monday, August 6, 2012
Seasons of Life
I have been aware for a long time that we have different seasons of life, but in the last few years it has been more obvious to me. How many times have I reminded one of my complaining children that this, too, will pass as it is only for a season? And as I have reminded them, I was reminding myself!
I have had a son deployed and he is just recently home. It seemed like he was gone a long time, but now that he is home, life at their house takes on its new normal. Another son had an injury that changed his last year, but it is now healed and he is back to work. One of my daughters just finished college and though she celebrates that, she is waiting to see what is next. Each has gone through a season of change and now each one is going through a different phase of life.
For my husband and I, we are in the stage of not having any parents here on earth anymore. We are facing what that feels like. We have been caretakers for the last 6 years or so and now we are not, at least not in the same sense. We are still trying to think what that means to our lives. I no longer have to take anyone to Dr. appointments or cook extra meals or grocery shop for someone else. We can plan a vacation without worrying about someone's health. But it is too soon for us to fully realize those changes yet. We haven't planned that vacation or found the extra time we would have used doing things for or with them. We are still not accustomed to this new season. We haven't learned how to function in this new season yet.
Each season has its challenges, and its gifts. I work hard at finding something to be grateful for in each season. It helps me to be more content. Being thankful makes life more enjoyable. Even the challenges can be good as they make us grow in ways we wouldn't otherwise.
Recognizing there are seasons of life helps us to face the hardships, knowing they won't go on forever.Times of uncertainty will pass. We can anticipate good times ahead and we can look forward to the changes that life will bring. The seasons of life keep us from being bored. We know that with time there will be different things to face, different people to interact with, and different problems to solve.
I like the idea of seasons of life. I have lived all my life in a place where there are four distinct seasons. We definitely have a spring, summer, fall, and winter! Temperatures change drastically, from way below 0 to triple digits in the summer. People complain about the extremes and wish for the opposite every season. We joke about missing the snow or missing the heat, but both will come in their season. Change will happen. It is said that if you don't like the weather, wait a few minutes! Just as in weather, changes will happen in life, too. Whatever you are going through right now, it won't last forever. It is only for a season. And no matter what it is, God goes with you through it, if you want Him to. He is the stability in the midst of change. He is what you can cling to. He will give you strength and make you able to face what is before you. Knowing that puts joy in my heart.
I have had a son deployed and he is just recently home. It seemed like he was gone a long time, but now that he is home, life at their house takes on its new normal. Another son had an injury that changed his last year, but it is now healed and he is back to work. One of my daughters just finished college and though she celebrates that, she is waiting to see what is next. Each has gone through a season of change and now each one is going through a different phase of life.
For my husband and I, we are in the stage of not having any parents here on earth anymore. We are facing what that feels like. We have been caretakers for the last 6 years or so and now we are not, at least not in the same sense. We are still trying to think what that means to our lives. I no longer have to take anyone to Dr. appointments or cook extra meals or grocery shop for someone else. We can plan a vacation without worrying about someone's health. But it is too soon for us to fully realize those changes yet. We haven't planned that vacation or found the extra time we would have used doing things for or with them. We are still not accustomed to this new season. We haven't learned how to function in this new season yet.
Each season has its challenges, and its gifts. I work hard at finding something to be grateful for in each season. It helps me to be more content. Being thankful makes life more enjoyable. Even the challenges can be good as they make us grow in ways we wouldn't otherwise.
Recognizing there are seasons of life helps us to face the hardships, knowing they won't go on forever.Times of uncertainty will pass. We can anticipate good times ahead and we can look forward to the changes that life will bring. The seasons of life keep us from being bored. We know that with time there will be different things to face, different people to interact with, and different problems to solve.
I like the idea of seasons of life. I have lived all my life in a place where there are four distinct seasons. We definitely have a spring, summer, fall, and winter! Temperatures change drastically, from way below 0 to triple digits in the summer. People complain about the extremes and wish for the opposite every season. We joke about missing the snow or missing the heat, but both will come in their season. Change will happen. It is said that if you don't like the weather, wait a few minutes! Just as in weather, changes will happen in life, too. Whatever you are going through right now, it won't last forever. It is only for a season. And no matter what it is, God goes with you through it, if you want Him to. He is the stability in the midst of change. He is what you can cling to. He will give you strength and make you able to face what is before you. Knowing that puts joy in my heart.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Peter Pan Christians
I have always joked that my now 20 year old daughter would love to live in Neverland. I teased her about wanting to be Peter Pan. She just didn't want to grow up! She wanted to continue to have fun with a childlike abandon and she wanted to keep the joys of childhood close. Time has a way of forcing its hand and she is a wonderful young lady. She has graduated from college and has a wonderful mature heart that loves and serves well. But she still loves to play and we still love the idea of Neverland. We love the movie Hook and we just watched Finding Neverland. We love practical jokes and teasing one another. We love to have fun together.
So what does that have to do with being a Christian? Last week on the radio, I heard David Jeremiah mention Peter Pan Christians. My ears perked up because of our fascination with Peter Pan. I only heard some of it, but it stuck with me and resonated with me. He described Peter Pan Chhristians as Christians who have taken that first step of faith, but have not matured into living that faith. I am saying it as it affected me, not as he said it. He talked about going into a church that had bickering and strife and how it was just like going into a nursery where all the little ones just wanted their own way. When we as Christians get stuck in our own agendas, rather than in God's, we all want our own way. I continued to think about other ways we were not maturing in the faith. When we continue to live in doubt and worry constantly, we are not trusting as a mature Christian should. When we only want to read and obey the parts of the Bible we like, we are not eating the solid food the Bible offers us so we grow up in Christ. I didn't like the idea of being a Peter Pan Christian at all!
I realized that if I really didn't like it, I better do something about it. I need to keep growing as a Christian. I have to do the things that will allow me to mature in Christ. I must pray. I do pray. I like to pray. But do I listen? I have to read my Bible everday so I am immersed in God's Word. Serving has to be part of my life. Even in sacrificial ways... I need to worship. I will desire God's will. I will want to delight in Him. I will find joy in all things. Jesus will be my strength, my hope, my love.
My Neverland that I will look forward to will be Heaven and I will live in Eternity, whole and complete. But until then, while we admire Peter Pan's youth, we will grow up because time demands it. We can keep our child-like faith, trust and joy! We can have fun! We can play and enjoy life! But as a Christian, I will mature because while I like Peter Pan, I don't want to be a Peter Pan Christian.
So what does that have to do with being a Christian? Last week on the radio, I heard David Jeremiah mention Peter Pan Christians. My ears perked up because of our fascination with Peter Pan. I only heard some of it, but it stuck with me and resonated with me. He described Peter Pan Chhristians as Christians who have taken that first step of faith, but have not matured into living that faith. I am saying it as it affected me, not as he said it. He talked about going into a church that had bickering and strife and how it was just like going into a nursery where all the little ones just wanted their own way. When we as Christians get stuck in our own agendas, rather than in God's, we all want our own way. I continued to think about other ways we were not maturing in the faith. When we continue to live in doubt and worry constantly, we are not trusting as a mature Christian should. When we only want to read and obey the parts of the Bible we like, we are not eating the solid food the Bible offers us so we grow up in Christ. I didn't like the idea of being a Peter Pan Christian at all!
I realized that if I really didn't like it, I better do something about it. I need to keep growing as a Christian. I have to do the things that will allow me to mature in Christ. I must pray. I do pray. I like to pray. But do I listen? I have to read my Bible everday so I am immersed in God's Word. Serving has to be part of my life. Even in sacrificial ways... I need to worship. I will desire God's will. I will want to delight in Him. I will find joy in all things. Jesus will be my strength, my hope, my love.
My Neverland that I will look forward to will be Heaven and I will live in Eternity, whole and complete. But until then, while we admire Peter Pan's youth, we will grow up because time demands it. We can keep our child-like faith, trust and joy! We can have fun! We can play and enjoy life! But as a Christian, I will mature because while I like Peter Pan, I don't want to be a Peter Pan Christian.
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