Dear Divorcing Adult Children....

Three of four of my adult children have divorced or are in the process. This has been a heart breaking situation for us. I wrote this in the middle of the messes, but never posted it because it seemed too personal. But divorce is a public record and is not something you can hide. I am being vulnerable in hopes that it will make someone think about it in another way.

                                        An Open Letter to My Married Children

Dear Adult Children,

When you got engaged and then married, you brought another person to our family. At that time, you expected us to accept them, love them, and bring them into our family as one of us. Even though each of you had different stories about how that all transpired, you made a choice to bind your life with that person and we did, too.

We got to know your spouse. We saw their faults and their strengths. We celebrated holidays with them. We spent time with them and you. We watched each of you become parents. We saw your ups and downs. We learned to know them and love them. They became family.

And now when you are done with them, we are not. We still love them. We still care about them. You brought them into our lives, but you cannot force them out. They are woven into the fabric of our lives, woven into our family. They are parents to our grandchildren. Because you stopped loving them does not mean we did. You can never tell my heart to stop loving. That is not your right.  I have not shunned even the people who have really wronged me or hurt me. God’s love in us demands we keep our hearts open to them.

This does not mean we love you any less. Our hearts are big enough to love both of you. We are not taking sides. We care about your family, your children. We would rather have seen you stick it out, to honor your commitment to your spouse. This splitting up of your families has split ours, too. We are no longer whole. It changes things for us, too. Holidays are strained. Trust has been broken. There have been lies and a lack of openness. We know it and we see it. Yet we can still love both of you. We cannot condone; we cannot excuse your behavior. We will always care about you, about your spouse, about your children. We will always pray for you.

We will pray that you return to true faith in God, seeking His Will for your life. More than anything we have always wanted to see our children walking in truth. We have wanted them to know Jesus as Lord and to trust Him with their lives. You can tell me that you have faith, and that it is real to you, but if no one can see the fruit of it and you are choosing sin over what God wants, I doubt you have it. We all sin and I know I do, too, but I will ask for forgiveness and repent, turning from my sin. Saying sorry means little if it is not followed by a change. I am not saying I am better than you. I am a sinner. I recognize that. Though I am a sinner, I am forgiven, too. That makes all the difference in my life. I have new life in Jesus. You, too, can have that.

So, in closing, I remind you once more that I love you. But I also love that other child you gave to me when you married them. I have room in my heart for both of you.

Mom