Getting Past Failing

Have you ever failed someone? I don't mean once or twice, but consistently, in that you are not the person they want or need in their lives. No matter what you do or how much you love them, it is never enough. They rarely see what you have done for them or what you are willing to do for them. They are stuck in a world of their own choosing, expecting only bad and not seeing what is right before them.

Their perception of you can begin to affect your own. It is so easy to start to see yourself as inadequate or lacking, when that is not the reality. You start to see what is projected on you from the other person. You believe you are what they say you are or are not- even though no one else sees you that way.

You begin to live in their pain instead of living in the place God has called you to. He wants us to live in His light and not in someone else's darkness. When you love somone who is living in darkness, it is hard not to get pulled in to it, too. It's not because you want to join them in it, but because you know no other way to pull them out. But many times we want to pull them out before they are ready or want to be rescued. This only causes more conflict.

The conflicts take on a life of their own and you can lose sight of the good things in life. When this happens, evil has taken root in both lives. It is often a whole family affected by all of it. Everyone reacts differently, but the effects are not good.

So what do you do?  I have had to to realize that I am not the person some people see me as. I am a child of God who is loved and who has done all I can to love and care for them. I had to stop believing others' negative perceptions of me so that it didn't cripple me to do and be who I am. I had to let go of the hurts they intentionally and unintentionally inflict.These hurts come from the core of who they are and from the wounds they have in their souls and hearts and lives. I have to choose to forgive. I will choose to ask forgiveness if that will help whether I belive it is warranted or not. I will work at loving unconditionally.

None of my responses come easily. With hurt comes hopelessness and apathy. Only through Christ's work in me and His love in me can I ever respond correctly. I will fail again. But I will try again and again to hope, to love, because He does, and the joys of my heart remain when I remain in Him and walk in obedience.

Christmas

Christmas Day is almost here! As I write late on Christmas Eve, I am contemplating Christmas Past and Christmas Present with an eye on Christmas Future. I have some great memories of Christmases from the past. I think about all those that were part of them that are no longer with us or are no longer part of our lives for one reason or another. I miss many of them. They remain in my heart even if they are no longer here physically.

This year was different, too. It had some wonderful moments when the grandchildren squealed excitedly over something or quietly commented at church when the pastor asked,"What child is this?"
"Jesus...", she whispered. Some parts were disappointments because I always want peace and joy for all my family and it doesn't happen. I give those disappointments to God or I would be truly brokenhearted. And there is too much joy in so much of the celebration to let the disappointments overshadow it.

As much as we would like to plan for the Christmas future, we don't know what is in store for us. Some of us talked about doing something totally different next year. Maybe a trip or a missions experience or gifts to someone needy or...  Who knows???  The important thing is to keep Christ in Christmas. I want to whisper quietly and shout loudly with my life that it's all about Jesus. He is the real reason for the season and the joy of my heart no matter what else is happening.