Truth and Honesty-Vows

Truth and Honesty-Vows

I have always known that I value truth and honesty. I also value loyalty. I could never tolerate lies. For me to have a relationship, I need people I can trust. When I have been lied to, I feel betrayed. When someone is not loyal, I am hurt.  I work hard to not be deceitful in any way. My honesty has gotten me in trouble at times, too. Many people do not want to hear the truth about a lot of things. I used to feel the need to enlighten people with the truth and it wasn’t well received. I felt a need to share it regardless of the consequences. Later I learned to season the truth with grace and gentleness. Still later I learned sometimes to just be quiet. It isn’t my job to convict or judge. Sometimes it is our job to hold people accountable, but is it for our sake or theirs? I have struggled to always understand my part when there is a wrong that I see. Am I participating in it when I let it go? I see things more black and white than others. Because honesty is a core value for me, I weigh relationships, conversations, actions, and more in the light of it. And because loyalty for me is a close second, if people are not honest with me, I doubt their loyalty. After doubting those two things, there is not much room for relationship.

Fortunately because I have a relationship with Christ and because He has forgiven me much, I have his love and forgiveness in my heart for those who have wronged me or others that I love. That keeps me from becoming hardened or bitter. I can pray for them and love them and want the best for them.

I have learned much about myself in the past few years through some difficulties we have gone through. Three of my children have broken their wedding vows. So far, two are divorced. Another may be yet this year. Besides the obvious reasons this has distressed us, there is so much more here for me that hurts. I hate how it has hurt my grandchildren. I hate how it has caused distress for them. I see their pain, their misunderstandings, their loss, their grief. Financial situations change. Holidays change. Family dynamics change. It is a hard road to walk as an adult, but tougher yet for the children as they are the innocent victims in it all. They have no say in all the changes and get forced to deal with things that they should not have to. They have seen things they should not have to see and heard things they should not have to hear. They have doubts and insecurities about life because those they trust are not always trustworthy. And there it is again. Truth and loyalty were tossed aside for something else and all the relationships suffered. The parents don’t trust each other, nor have they been loyal or faithful. The children can’t trust the parents to always be there for them as they watch the broken relationship with their parents. The loss of trust and loyalty affects the whole family.

When you go to a wedding, one of the most beautiful parts of the ceremony is when the couple pledges their lives to each other in the wedding vows. It can be said in traditional ways or in their own words. They look at one another and not only pledge love, but how they will live their lives together. Most always it is ‘til death do us part. It is a vow, a promise, and a commitment. It is not to be taken lightly. It is before God and man. It is before witnesses. It is similar to a contract. It is right and good.

Today’s culture does not see this promise in the same light as previously. Divorce is easier and is not seen as a failure as it once was. It happens often and often more than once. People accept it more readily. It just happens. It is not looked down on.

But the loss of trust and loyalty that precipitates divorce changes families. It has changed culture. It has changed people. Until I have watched this in my own family, I did not fully understand it all.  I didn’t even know how important those wedding vows were. As I have watched these vows be broken by my children, and have watched their marriages disintegrate and their children be hurt, I have recognized the significance of them. Love is important in the wedding vows, ceremony, and in life, but loyalty and truth must be valued as well. Love is the easy part, the wonderful feelings of enjoying each other. Loyalty and truthfulness, faithfulness, though, are what will get you through in the long haul. They will be the working out of the marriage, of the living together. It’s what you will live with in the every days of life. You may always love each other. You may have feelings for each other. But when you promise, commit, vow to be there for that spouse, it means you will be truthful and loyal, faithful and committed. You will stick it out through the good and bad, through sickness and health. You will support each other’s dreams and hopes. You will stand beside them in their failures and disappointments. You will uphold them in their trials. You will laugh with them and enjoy life together. You will walk the same road in life together. You will share life. You will share all of life, the good and bad.

                Truth and honesty are core values and, when they are valued, relationships have a firmer foundation. Families are stronger.  We need to return to making truth, honesty, faithfulness, integrity, loyalty important to our children, our spouses, and our family members. We would all benefit from it and maybe there would be fewer broken marriages and families.

John 8:32   and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.                                                                                            

1 Corinthians 13:6  (Love) does not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoices at the truth.                                                                     

1 John 3:18  Little children, let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and in truth.                                                              

Psalm 86:11  Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth, unite my heart to fear your name.