Urgent vs. Important

Have you ever heard of tyranny of the urgent? Have you experienced it? How many times have you done something because you had to, not because you wanted to or even had planned to? So many times we do whatever we do because we feel obligated to or are forced to. We deal with the urgent because it's, oh so, urgent.

What is the urgent? What is so necessary that we have to act on it now? And do we always do what is urgent rather than what is truly important? How do we choose which priority we accomplish?

Does someone else's crisis always constitute a crisis for us? If a friend is desperate for help, do we just drop everything and go help? If the church calls and has no teachers for Sunday School, do we agree to it because no one else is? If your child needs money, do you do all that is possible to save the situation? Do you do anything for a parent, sibling, or other relative?

When do you say yes? When do you say no? For some people, it is really hard to say no because it could hurt someone. But do you always say yes so as to not disappoint someone? What is a good justification for saying no?

I have struggled with this because I am a care giver so I want to help others. Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out who to say yes to because more than one thing pulls at me. What do I do if more than one of my children want me to babysit for my grandchildren at the same time? Well, I said yes, and yes, and yes, and had 10 children under 7 for a whole weekend! Fortunately my daughters were home and available to help. But my saying yes impacted them, too.

So when do you say yes? For me, if I have no reason to say no, I usually say yes. That is not always the best way to make a decision. Sometimes there are other circumstances that I should take into account. For example, I may say yes to having company right after having been gone. Instead of enjoying a good time with company, I may be on edge or tired, trying to meet needs when I wasn't adequately prepared to. I did this a few years back, hosting  a teacher and students for a few days after I had been gone on vacation. I didn't feel ready. I was exhausted and I did not feel like I was a good host. Or I have had people over when my own children had needs I should have been meeting. I also have committed to doing things when I could/should have been doing things with my husband or others. Some of my commitments have, out of necessity, included other family members when it was not what they necessarily wanted to do.

I also have done things because one of my children has committed to something and needed me to be there as well. Sometimes that has been just fine and sometimes it has taken away from something else.

What I feel like I need to do is to weigh my priorities when asked to do something. God is my first priority and doing His will is important to me. Next is my husband and family. Friends, church, work, and other commitments follow that. So I need to look at what I am agreeing to and see how it fits in with my priorities. And I need to weigh also what could suffer if I do what I am being asked to do.

Will my priorities get out of whack if I choose this?

The other things I need to consider are whether the activity or commitment uses my gifts and talents. Am I doing what God made me to do? Or am I just doing what everyone else thinks I should do? I need to be who God wants first or I lose myself. I also have to consider my time and resources. Some things are good, but will wear me out so I am not good for anything else. Doing what is not right for me can really be a chore and make me weary. Occasionally we will be asked to do something way out of our comfort zone and that can be good if it is from God. We learn to trust Him more and He will bless our obedience. So prayer is a big thing. I try not to say yes (at least for the big things) unless I have prayed. I would like to say I pray about all of them, but I am prone to act on impulse occasionally.

So should the tyranny of the urgent rule your life's choices? I think not, but it will at times. You have to take care of young children. You have to cook and eat and take care of your health. Many things just have to be done.  However with prayer and planning, you can make better choices and maybe not feel so overwhelmed. You can say no. And when you say yes, it will be to the right things. You will be choosing to do His will and be who He created you to be.

I am still learning how to do this. It's a lifelong process. Don't give up!