In February, I had some unexplained heart issues. They earned me at trip to the ER, a day stay at the hospital, outpatient tests, and a follow-up doctor visit. And what did I learn after a stress test, a 48 hour monitor, an echocardiogram and multiple blood tests? I learned that my heart likes to beat an extra half beat once in a while, sometimes more frequently than others. My heart isn't the only one like that. Yours may do this, too. But for some reason, I am extremely sensitive to it. I notice it. I feel it. And sometimes I have some breathlessness with it. It can be scary because it feels odd. And it's your heart! When you feel like your heart is not working right, that is serious. You need your heart! My stress test said I could exercise though and I was not prescribed any medications. So I live with it. I try not to let it bother me. I try not to take my pulse. I try to ignore it. But sometimes it is still scary.
It made me think. We had 2 funerals in February and since those 2, two other friends have lost family members. We do not know when it will be our time. We need to be prepared. I am not afraid to die. But I am afraid I have not done all I was supposed to do. I am afraid I have not prepared my family well enough. I have not shared my faith with enough people. I have not lived life to the fullest.
My heart check-up became a heart, mind, and soul check-up. I realized I need to love more openly. I need to forgive more freely. I need to live with eternity in focus. People need to matter more and I need to let them know. I need to live purposefully. I can't waste my time on insignificant issues that do not matter. I can't hold grudges. Priorities need to be focused on
Now I don't know how to do all of that yet. I am still working on it. I wrote letters for Lent to let people in my life know they matter, that I appreciate them. I sent Valentines to my grandchildren to let them know how loved and important they are to me. I sent Easter greetings to those who might not usually hear from me.
But those things are only a beginning. I need to be more intentional in living fully each day. Some days it is easier to bury myself in a good book and not live in the here and now. Yet I need to live in gratitude for all I have. I need to find things each day that will glorify God. I have to ask how I can serve. Who can I care for?
A heart check-up is more than a physical thing. It may begin there, but needs to go much deeper. We have to take care of the physical; exercise, eat right, get rid of excess stress. But we need to get our hearts right with God and others, too. Then we can experience all the joys in our hearts.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Monday, April 6, 2015
Who Am I? Peacemaker or Not?
Twice last month I was accused of trying to start a fight. It was from 2 different people about basically the same issue. I was deeply wounded. I was asking questions, trying to find my place in an awkward situation. One of the people believes it is not my place to be involved in the particular situation at all; the other was trying to avoid conflict. It hurt me because I don't want to start a fight. I would rather not be involved at all than to start a fight.
I have been part of family fights in the past and they can destroy families, even Christian families. I don't like unresolved conflict. I don't like broken relationships. I would like to see restoration and rebuilding in family relationships.
I see myself as a peacemaker. I will go to untold lengths to say, "I am sorry." I will try to mend relationships as much as possible. I have put myself in some difficult circumstances to try to heal relationships. I have been hurt over and over because I have tried too hard.
Yet when two people accused me of trying to start a fight, I thought to myself that others maybe don't see me as I see myself. I am a strong personality. I don't back down easily if I think someone in my family may get hurt or if my values will be compromised. I will stand for what I believe is right even if I may get hurt in it. I will defend those I love until I can't anymore. I am very loyal and get hurt when others are not. All those things could add up to the appearance of me being willing to start a fight. I guess if it's worth fighting for, I will.
So does that mean I am not a peacemaker? I rarely hold grudges and I forgive fairly easily. Does that mean I am a peacemaker? I "strive for peace with everyone..." (Hebrews 12:14) But that doesn't mean it is always achieved. I may go to my grave not having that peace with my siblings or with a few others. I long for it. I try to bring it to pass, but I can not change how someone else feels about me.
I may not know if I truly am a peacemaker or if that is just my hope and dream to be so. Matthew 5:9 says, " Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." I want that, but am not sure if I will ever achieve it.
Yet I know who I am in Christ. He calls me a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17) I am adopted into the family of God. (Romans 8:15) I am saved. I am loved. I am alive. (Ephesians 2: 4-10) God is still working on me. (Philippians 1:6)
So even if I am not a peacemaker yet, I may one day be one. And if not, I still belong to God. I am His. And that is what fills my heart with joy over and over again.
I have been part of family fights in the past and they can destroy families, even Christian families. I don't like unresolved conflict. I don't like broken relationships. I would like to see restoration and rebuilding in family relationships.
I see myself as a peacemaker. I will go to untold lengths to say, "I am sorry." I will try to mend relationships as much as possible. I have put myself in some difficult circumstances to try to heal relationships. I have been hurt over and over because I have tried too hard.
Yet when two people accused me of trying to start a fight, I thought to myself that others maybe don't see me as I see myself. I am a strong personality. I don't back down easily if I think someone in my family may get hurt or if my values will be compromised. I will stand for what I believe is right even if I may get hurt in it. I will defend those I love until I can't anymore. I am very loyal and get hurt when others are not. All those things could add up to the appearance of me being willing to start a fight. I guess if it's worth fighting for, I will.
So does that mean I am not a peacemaker? I rarely hold grudges and I forgive fairly easily. Does that mean I am a peacemaker? I "strive for peace with everyone..." (Hebrews 12:14) But that doesn't mean it is always achieved. I may go to my grave not having that peace with my siblings or with a few others. I long for it. I try to bring it to pass, but I can not change how someone else feels about me.
I may not know if I truly am a peacemaker or if that is just my hope and dream to be so. Matthew 5:9 says, " Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." I want that, but am not sure if I will ever achieve it.
Yet I know who I am in Christ. He calls me a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17) I am adopted into the family of God. (Romans 8:15) I am saved. I am loved. I am alive. (Ephesians 2: 4-10) God is still working on me. (Philippians 1:6)
So even if I am not a peacemaker yet, I may one day be one. And if not, I still belong to God. I am His. And that is what fills my heart with joy over and over again.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Death... and Life!
Already I have gone to 2 funerals this year and they were only a week apart. The first was for a beautiful vivacious 3 year old and the second one was for a man close to 70. One was a tiny pink casket and the other was a crafted wooden full sized casket. Both funerals were celebrations of the person's life. There was grief, but the joy of a life lived well, no matter how long or how short, was evident.
Taylor had just turned 3 before her leukemia became evident in her body again. She had fought the battle when she was only 18 months old and we all thought she had won. She was in remission for a year. Life had returned to normal and everyone around her cherished every moment with her. Her pictures show the uninhibited joy only a child can show. She was beautiful, smart, and so ready to just live! To then see her get so sick again was very hard on her family and their friends. We all prayed so much for her healing. It didn't come like we hoped. But as her dad told me at the funeral home, "Cancer did NOT win. She did NOT lose her battle. She is healed now in Heaven. She won!" And when we were at the funeral and I expressed sorrow that he had to say good-bye now as they closed the casket, he said, " I am not saying good-bye, just see you later. We will see her again." Her dad is the same age as one of my sons and they spent a lot of time together. I don't know when he got to be so wise. Maybe trials strengthened him. He certainly touched my heart with his words. They are now expecting a baby, a new miracle of life to help them heal. God is blessing their faithfulness. Taylor will never be forgotten, but we are thankful for another chance at life in this new child.
The second funeral was for a godly man who lived his life for his wife, family and for whatever God was calling him to. He retired early to be more free to serve. He touched many lives at home and in Jamaica where they took short term missions teams. He left a legacy of serving, and at his funeral, you could see how many people were impacted by his life. You could also see how many would continue his legacy. It was amazing. His was a life well lived, and I am sure he heard. "Well done, good and faithful servant.
This week, friends of ours from years ago went through the trial of giving up a teen son following a tragic accident. He was a senior in high school, and though I never knew him, I know his was a life well lived, too. From looking at Facebook pics, I could see he lived life with a love for adventure and for people. He enjoyed life to the fullest. The tributes people have written for him, the sheer numbers who have shown up for him at the hospital, and then today for his service show he was much loved as was his whole family. I know he had a generous giving spirit, too, because he was an organ donor. As his life was ending, he was opening up new life to as many as 65 people in his organ donor capacity. His life will go on in many because of that, and because he touched lives in living as well. His parents raised him well- to love God and others. And they took joy in living which was evident his life, too.
It is sad to have someone die who is close to you. We will miss them. We will grieve all we miss with them. We hurt because they are not present with us. There is pain in that. Yet we do not grieve without hope. We have hope to see our loved ones again. We have peace because we know where they are. We have joy knowing they are in God's presence, whole and happy.
Where does that hope, peace, and joy come from? It is in Christ's death and resurrection that we can experience those things. Christ died for us so we can live forever with Him in heaven. He took the punishment of our sins on Himself so we could be pardoned from them. He died so we wouldn't have to die and be gone forever. Instead we can live forever. He has claimed victory over death, sin, and the devil. When we give our hearts to Jesus, we live in Him and with Him. We can claim victory as well.
When loved ones go on before us, we can say, "See you later! We'll be coming soon!" Death has not claimed them or us. We have the victory! Jesus won that for us through his death, and because of that, we have life!
Taylor had just turned 3 before her leukemia became evident in her body again. She had fought the battle when she was only 18 months old and we all thought she had won. She was in remission for a year. Life had returned to normal and everyone around her cherished every moment with her. Her pictures show the uninhibited joy only a child can show. She was beautiful, smart, and so ready to just live! To then see her get so sick again was very hard on her family and their friends. We all prayed so much for her healing. It didn't come like we hoped. But as her dad told me at the funeral home, "Cancer did NOT win. She did NOT lose her battle. She is healed now in Heaven. She won!" And when we were at the funeral and I expressed sorrow that he had to say good-bye now as they closed the casket, he said, " I am not saying good-bye, just see you later. We will see her again." Her dad is the same age as one of my sons and they spent a lot of time together. I don't know when he got to be so wise. Maybe trials strengthened him. He certainly touched my heart with his words. They are now expecting a baby, a new miracle of life to help them heal. God is blessing their faithfulness. Taylor will never be forgotten, but we are thankful for another chance at life in this new child.
The second funeral was for a godly man who lived his life for his wife, family and for whatever God was calling him to. He retired early to be more free to serve. He touched many lives at home and in Jamaica where they took short term missions teams. He left a legacy of serving, and at his funeral, you could see how many people were impacted by his life. You could also see how many would continue his legacy. It was amazing. His was a life well lived, and I am sure he heard. "Well done, good and faithful servant.
This week, friends of ours from years ago went through the trial of giving up a teen son following a tragic accident. He was a senior in high school, and though I never knew him, I know his was a life well lived, too. From looking at Facebook pics, I could see he lived life with a love for adventure and for people. He enjoyed life to the fullest. The tributes people have written for him, the sheer numbers who have shown up for him at the hospital, and then today for his service show he was much loved as was his whole family. I know he had a generous giving spirit, too, because he was an organ donor. As his life was ending, he was opening up new life to as many as 65 people in his organ donor capacity. His life will go on in many because of that, and because he touched lives in living as well. His parents raised him well- to love God and others. And they took joy in living which was evident his life, too.
It is sad to have someone die who is close to you. We will miss them. We will grieve all we miss with them. We hurt because they are not present with us. There is pain in that. Yet we do not grieve without hope. We have hope to see our loved ones again. We have peace because we know where they are. We have joy knowing they are in God's presence, whole and happy.
Where does that hope, peace, and joy come from? It is in Christ's death and resurrection that we can experience those things. Christ died for us so we can live forever with Him in heaven. He took the punishment of our sins on Himself so we could be pardoned from them. He died so we wouldn't have to die and be gone forever. Instead we can live forever. He has claimed victory over death, sin, and the devil. When we give our hearts to Jesus, we live in Him and with Him. We can claim victory as well.
When loved ones go on before us, we can say, "See you later! We'll be coming soon!" Death has not claimed them or us. We have the victory! Jesus won that for us through his death, and because of that, we have life!
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