Being Mom

Being a parent is the hardest thing I have done. It is also the most rewarding thing I  have done. I have 6 children of whom 5 are now adults. But they are still my kids! And parenting children who are adults is impossible, but they remain your children even when all grown up. You want to spare them the hard lessons. You want to give them your wisdom from your life's experiences. You want to build them up. You want to encourage them and help them succeed. You want to still tell them , "No!" You want to protect them and hold them close. You want to love them like you used to. But they may not want any of that from you... :-(

Their mistakes can become yours as you take ownership of them when you think , "If only I had..."  "If only I had not..." You can blame yourself for their decisions.  You can blame yourself for all that goes wrong. They may blame you for what is not right in your life. You start to feel inadequate, not good enough. When I get to that point, sometimes I become immobilized to do anything. I don't believe that is where God wants me. I believe we must learn to go through conflict holding onto God and our faith with all we have so we can grow through it. But it is not always easy or fun, and sometimes it hurts a whole lot.

I am currently reading Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis. She became a mom at age 19 through adoption of several daughters in Uganda. She wasn't ready to face the challenges of being a mom at that age, unmarried, and without the support of family nearby. Yet she knew God called her to it and He would help her in the day-to-day challenges. She says in her book," I made peace with feeling inadequate because the truth is, I was. I still am, we all are. I quickly became okay with being imperfect. Throughout the Bible, God chose seemingly inadequate people to do His work.....God has a way of using inadequate people, and sometimes He calls us to reach a little higher or to stretch a little further, even when we feel we can't do any more. We simply trust Him.  And then He gives us everything we need to do the more that He is asking of us..."

Wow! If Katie as a young adult can parent several needy children in a third world country with little resources, and through her inadequacies still trust God, so can we! I know I am not the perfect parent. My kids will reinforce that! I am so far from it that I have to not only trust God through my inadequacies, but I also have to ask forgiveness for them. I just don't do a lot right. I blow it time and again. I have hurt my children. I have not lived up to their expectations. I am not their dream mom. But I don't do it all wrong either. I love them fiercely. I will defend them and stand up for them. I taught them that God's Word is truth. I showed them how to serve others.  Four of my children have their own children and I love those grandchildren, too! What blessings they all are!

I may be mom and have been for more than 30 years now, but I am still learning. I am still learning to be me. I am not just a mom, although that encompasses much of who I am. I am learning to be who God wants me to be. I need to be a bold witness of Him and all He is to me. I need to do His calling and sometimes that will interfere with being a mom or grandma. I know I will fail again. But as Katie said, I am making peace with not being adequate in what others want from me. I am imperfect, and God still loves me. He can use me if I am obedient.  I will keep trusting Him and keep on reaching a little higher to do all He wants me to.