Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Dissolution


Dissolution

                Dissolution is a word I have rarely thought about and now it is on my mind all the time. What is dissolution? Webster defines dissolution as the act of breaking something down or a breakup of something or the termination of a legal relationship. It can mean a death also.

                Why is it on my mind? Because someone close to me is choosing a dissolution to their marriage. It grieves me deeply that it is happening.  A marriage ending hurts so many. It is not only the husband and wife that are affected.  In this case, there are 3 children who are being torn apart by this. Beyond that, who else is touched by this tragedy? Parents of both spouses are saddened and disappointed and as grandparents to the children, they hurt for them, too. Siblings to the couple, cousins, and others are upset as they see their relationships changing with all that are involved. It’s like a rock being thrown into a lake and seeing the ripples radiating outward. This decision has an emotional impact on all the family.

CitizenLink has an article on marriage benefits that states:

 Marriage is good for people—for women, for men and for children. Research for the last 30 years continues to find ways in which lifelong marriage positively affects our physical and emotional health, and even our finances.

It would be difficult for a mother and father to give a greater gift to their children than their lifelong marriage. Children living with their married parents are unlikely to live even one year of life in poverty compared to children in unmarried homes. They are also more likely to thrive physically, emotionally, scholastically and socially into adulthood if their parents stay married.

It’s not just good for kids. The physical health and emotional well-being of married men and women is better than that of their unmarried peers. Additionally, married men make more money than single men with similar education and opportunities.

A thriving society and culture depend on stable marriages. As marriage declines in a culture, the state must spend more money to care for children who lose the financial stability of a married home when their parents divorce or were never married. Creativity and growth are lost when marriages fail, as the next generation struggles for psychological, social, educational and financial health and stability.

Strong marriages are at the heart of thriving family and community.” (http://www.citizenlink.com/analysis/marriage/marriage-benefits/)

            There are benefits to marriage, but few to divorce. The Bible only gives infidelity as a reason to divorce, but abuse would also be a reason to separate. Yet many in our culture divorce for frivolous reasons. In this case, one of the partners wants freedom, a chance to explore other avenues of self gratification. She thinks she should do what will make her happy. But at what cost to everyone around her?

                As a parent, I feel if we have brought children into the world, they are a priority we cannot neglect. They need to be cared for, loved, and protected. This situation will not allow for that easily. The children will live closer to poverty, and they will not know the stability of a home with two parents present. I see the changes being forced on them as very selfish and uncaring. The children will be the victims and will always have to deal with this in their lives. They will struggle to understand and to know where they fit in. All of these struggles will come to them by no choice of their own. How unfair!

                All of the rest of the family will now have to accommodate this broken relationship in holiday celebrations, family get-togethers and family photos. Nothing will be normal anymore. The family ‘pride’ in being a large family is changed because it will be too hard to explain.
              God hates divorce and so do I. It is a breaking of vows and trust. It hurts and destroys. It changes too many things for too many people. It is the termination of a legal relationship, but it is also a death of a marriage. It is a dissolution of love.
 

No comments: