Book Reveiw- Restoring Christmas

Restoring Christmas by Cynthia Ruchti is a book that touched my soul. It is the perfect Christmas book filled with emotion, tradition, and hope. It touches on so many different kinds of relationships, good and difficult. It shows there can be healing when there is caring and persistence.

I love home improvement shows and fix-it shows. This book is based on a designer trying to get her own show by doing a home makeover at Christmastime. As with any makeover of an older home, not every thing goes right, plus the homeowner is not on board with the designer's ideas. She is an older woman resistant to change and stuck in the past in many ways. How does Alexis connect with her? Plus the videographer she hired hurts his back and the son shows up to take his place. Can Gabe do a good enough job? Will he quit talking and using Christmas references long enough to do what he is supposed to do? The house makeover ends up being much more than just a home. 

The story has so much depth and makes you realize what Christmas is truly about. It made me really think.

What is truly important at Christmas? We celebrate Christ's birth, but the gifts we give are to show the love He has gifted us with. They may be wrapped in paper under the tree, but they may be time, understanding, a listening ear, encouragement, humor, or other things. His love can be expressed so many ways.  His love is  given selflessly and with the other person's best interest at heart.

Cynthia's book showed me that selfless love in so many ways. It challenged me and encouraged me. It made me want to reach out to others. This is a book I will read again and again.

What Happened to 2016?

It is the end of 2016. We are in the last month and I am amazed that I have blogged so little. When life gets hard, sometimes I become a turtle and hide in my shell. I would rather not engage because too many of my thoughts are too personal or too depressing. So rather than share, I dig deep. I think more. I read more. I socialize less. I watch more movies. Sometimes I cook more or not at all. I have trouble making decisions, even simple ones like what to wear or eat. So writing a blog post fell far down on the list and I have missed my mark. I have not made my goals. I did not fulfill my New Year's resolutions.

What happened? I have experienced loss in a way I never expected to and I grieve. Not grieved, grieve. Ongoing. Now. And some days I cope better than others.

Some days I create to forget my hurts. I have sewed curtains, baby quilts, a soft book, and other things. I needed to accomplish something. I needed to finish something that gave me a good feeling.

We are redoing our kitchen and then a bathroom. I need newness, freshness, hope.

I entertain thoughts of moving, of change. I think about vacations, travel. I am trying to run from the pain, but it goes with me.

What happened in 2016? My family fell apart. The family I  longed for, prayed for, and dedicated my life to, broke apart. My oldest daughter was already divorced and is estranged from us. I didn't think my heart could be more broken, but it can be. My second daughter divorced in March and that changed our family, too. My youngest son is also in the divorce process. Besides being in the divorce process, he is also redefining himself. We don't even know him now. He is making choices that hurt many and then blames others for them. Previously we were close; now we can't talk. We don't agree on the basics of anything. I don't know how to relate anymore.

Divorce makes family messy. Who do you invite for holidays? Who do you give family gifts to? Who do you ask to have the grandchildren over for a visit?

And worst of all is when the children are used as a punishment. Because I responded wrong, the grandchildren are kept from me.

I didn't lose a daughter to leukemia like a friend of mine did. My husband didn't die like another friend's did. Yet I am still facing grief. Someone else's choices have forced my life to change in ways that hurt. I have lost relationships. I have lost my dream of a happy united family. I have lost my joy in celebrations. I have lost my confidence that my children are walking with the Lord, that they know Christ personally. I have lost a sense of worth as I feel I didn't do a good enough job raising my children. I am not sure of who I should be now.

Loss of all kinds causes grief. So my grief is real, even if it is different from others' grief. So what happened in 2016? So far I have survived. Not thrived. I am still moving forward. Slowly finding my way.

Book Review- One More Song to Sing by Lindsay Harrel

One More Song to Sing by Lindsay Harrel- book review

A new young singer comes to Nashville to reach for her dreams, but her dreams are not just of becoming a star, but to find a mother she never met. Ellie longs to belong, to find her place in the world.

This story gives us a picture of the music industry and what the music community is like. But more than that, it shows us family relationships. It explores the depth of how generations can be affected by bad decisions and how the cycle of life can be repeated unless something changes. We see the burden of those decisions on each person and how it has shaped their life.

While the story of Ellie becoming a recording artist is what’s currently happening, the story is much bigger. It is a story of forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing. And there’s some romance, too!

It’s hard to believe One More Song to Sing is a debut novel. The story is well crafted and the characters are well developed. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I recommend it highly. I can’t wait to see what Lindsay Harrrel will write next.

Dear Divorcing Adult Children....

Three of four of my adult children have divorced or are in the process. This has been a heart breaking situation for us. I wrote this in the middle of the messes, but never posted it because it seemed too personal. But divorce is a public record and is not something you can hide. I am being vulnerable in hopes that it will make someone think about it in another way.

                                        An Open Letter to My Married Children

Dear Adult Children,

When you got engaged and then married, you brought another person to our family. At that time, you expected us to accept them, love them, and bring them into our family as one of us. Even though each of you had different stories about how that all transpired, you made a choice to bind your life with that person and we did, too.

We got to know your spouse. We saw their faults and their strengths. We celebrated holidays with them. We spent time with them and you. We watched each of you become parents. We saw your ups and downs. We learned to know them and love them. They became family.

And now when you are done with them, we are not. We still love them. We still care about them. You brought them into our lives, but you cannot force them out. They are woven into the fabric of our lives, woven into our family. They are parents to our grandchildren. Because you stopped loving them does not mean we did. You can never tell my heart to stop loving. That is not your right.  I have not shunned even the people who have really wronged me or hurt me. God’s love in us demands we keep our hearts open to them.

This does not mean we love you any less. Our hearts are big enough to love both of you. We are not taking sides. We care about your family, your children. We would rather have seen you stick it out, to honor your commitment to your spouse. This splitting up of your families has split ours, too. We are no longer whole. It changes things for us, too. Holidays are strained. Trust has been broken. There have been lies and a lack of openness. We know it and we see it. Yet we can still love both of you. We cannot condone; we cannot excuse your behavior. We will always care about you, about your spouse, about your children. We will always pray for you.

We will pray that you return to true faith in God, seeking His Will for your life. More than anything we have always wanted to see our children walking in truth. We have wanted them to know Jesus as Lord and to trust Him with their lives. You can tell me that you have faith, and that it is real to you, but if no one can see the fruit of it and you are choosing sin over what God wants, I doubt you have it. We all sin and I know I do, too, but I will ask for forgiveness and repent, turning from my sin. Saying sorry means little if it is not followed by a change. I am not saying I am better than you. I am a sinner. I recognize that. Though I am a sinner, I am forgiven, too. That makes all the difference in my life. I have new life in Jesus. You, too, can have that.

So, in closing, I remind you once more that I love you. But I also love that other child you gave to me when you married them. I have room in my heart for both of you.

Mom

Song of Silence by Cynthia Ruchti Review

I love Cynthia Ruchti books because they are real life. The characters face situations we all face. Song of Silence is no exception. The story looks at early retirement for one spouse and a forced retirement for the other one. Life isn’t turning out like they planned. Relationships with their older children add more unforeseen complications. The story brings in a deaf mother and a child with Asperger’s. Then an accident changes everything. The story has so much depth and the characters strike a chord as they struggle and then grow through their trials.

Through the story, you will find hope and the belief that even if life isn’t what you thought it would be, it can still be good. This book came to me at a time when I needed that hope and I needed the wisdom it offered. My copy is underlined in several places. I found that, “In the silence, a song is brewing.” Song of Silence showed me when we wait on God, when we trust Him in the silence, even then the song of our life is still being composed.

Music teachers will enjoy this book, but so will anyone who needs to see music in their lives. Read it if you have had too much change in your lives, if unexpected circumstances have come your way. If you enjoy a good story infused with hope, you will like it.

I highly recommend Song of Silence. It will encourage, inspire, and entertain you. Don’t miss out on this one!

Cooking Moods

I enjoy cooking. I love to try new recipes. I like to cook for groups, I like to experiment with new foods. I watch cooking shows. I read cookbooks. I subscribe to cooking magazines. I like to feed people food they enjoy. It gives me pleasure to cook for others. I like to plan meals and shop for what I need.

Most of the time, anyway....

Occasionally I just don't feel like cooking. Or eating. Nothing appeals to me. I look at my cookbooks and turn page after page.... I watch a cooking show and get bored. I shut it off. I shop with nothing in mind, hoping something will inspire me. I go through my recipes and feel nothing but apathy. 

My family has come to expect meals. They like to eat at regularly appointed times, not just when I feel inspired. So out of duty, I do try to put something on the table that passes as a meal. My daughters take pity on all of us and fill in the gaps when I am lacking my normal passion for cooking. My husband will take us out or bring something home when this happens, too. I am not chastened, but  instead comforted by their attention. Of course, it could be because they want to eat.

This mood or phase does not happen often, thankfully. Sometimes it happens when I am tired or not feeling particularly well. But I think it happens when I am on the brink of a minor depression, when things are happening beyond my control that hurt me or affect me negatively. I am unable to be creative when I am stuck in a problem. I am unable to make decisions well when my emotions are in a mess. Everyday ordinary things can become a burden when you are trying to solve bigger issues. Planning a meal or 30 days of meals seems overwhelming when usually I enjoy the challenge.

But sometimes we must operate simply out of duty and do what is necessary. We serve because it is the right thing to do. Even if it seems too hard, if we volunteer to go beyond what is necessary, it puts our minds in a more positive place. So even if I don't feel like it, I try to push myself to do it anyway and to do it as well as I can.

So I will feed my family. And others. I will cook. I will find new recipes. I will find my joy in it. I will look for the passion in me that makes me do it well. I will not allow a mood or whatever has caused that 'mood' to make me lose my enthusiasm for it. Soon. Sometime soon...

If you have a recipe to share, let me know. It could be a favorite comfort food or something you have wanted to try or a recipe for finding joy. I will take any of them! You might be my inspiration!

Until Death Do Us Part

Until Death Do Us Part

The final line in most marriage vows is “until death do us part.” What does that mean to the couples who promise it? Do most really understand that it is a promise for the rest of their lives? It doesn’t mean as long as I am happy. It doesn’t mean until I find someone else. It doesn’t mean unless I want my freedom. It means until one of them dies.

Marriage vows are a commitment, a promise made before God and witnesses. They should not be lightly taken. They should not be lightly broken.

Yet many marriages fail in our culture. Our society has accepted that marriages fail. Rather than work it out, it is easier to call it quits. We have accepted giving up. We no longer hold onto faithfulness and loyalty.

Even when there are children, marriage and family are not held sacred. More children live in broken homes with only one parent than ever before. Children are not reason enough to stay together.

I have long known these statistics, but now they have become personal. While I have never been divorced and never plan to, my children have. Several of my grandchildren are experiencing this. I am watching this. I am hurting because of it.

Divorce affects whole families, friends, and more. I have been told it is personal, only between the two parties involved. But that it is not true. The hurt and separation go much deeper than that. Friends often don’t know how to be loyal to both parties so the friendship changes. Family traditions and holidays change. Nothing remains the same. Children often have to live in two places. The stability and security of home and family is lost.

I hate it. God didn’t intend for it to happen. I never wanted to see it happen in my family. But it has. The pain and disappointment are huge. The stress is never ending. The grief of having a broken family breaks my heart daily.

My response is to love my grandchildren and to offer grace to their hurting parents. I will forgive and I will try to be there for them. I certainly don’t know how to do this and never wanted to. But this is my life and I must walk this road right now. With God’s help, I will find peace in the troubled times. I will seek His joy in the moments He gives me. And every day I pray and pray…

Thoughts on Marriage

Thoughts on Marriage

                The latest statistics on marriage show that fewer Americans are married now than ever before. Fewer get married. Many marry later than before. More end up in divorce.

Marriage used to be the foundation of the family. God used marriage as a picture of Christ’s relationship to the church. It was a good and positive thing. People valued the commitment they made and stuck it out even when it was hard. Even when their feelings failed them, they valued the vows they said before God and their witnesses. Now children grow up in single parent homes or with multiple parents and step-parents. Family traditions go by the way side and holidays are splintered events where they don’t know who to be with when. Life is hard for this generation of children without the stability of a two parent home.

I am currently watching a 2^nd and a 3^rd family close to me go through this. It affects so many. It isn’t just the couple or even the children, but the grandparents and other family members, too. It wreaks havoc on a family. The dynamics of even the extended family and community are changed. People are not sure how to react.  Marriage is a commitment to more than just the spouse, but it is also to future children and to those who witnessed and supported that marriage.

Marriage is not always easy. It is not always romantic. Sometimes it is hard and you have to deal with things you never thought you would. But you promised you would. “For richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse…” When it gets worse or poor, or sick, you promised. How good is your word?

Our marriage has not been perfect. No one’s is. But it has been good more than not. It has not always fulfilled my hopes and dreams. There are times I have not even enjoyed it. But God gave me a deep and abiding love for my husband and even in those tough times, I could cling to that. And if that were not enough, I could cling to God’s love. His love was enough. God’s love would always get me through and would always spill out so there was love enough for my husband.

I am not most important in my marriage. Even my husband isn’t. Our promise to each other is. The Bible says we become one flesh when we marry. I am united with my husband. We love and respect each other. We hold each other in high regard. We even want to serve one another. We honor God when we honor our vows.

My happiness is not the most important thing in our marriage either. I cannot expect my husband to make me happy. My spouse cannot fill the empty, lonely places in me. He cannot fulfill me.  We do enjoy one another. We like being together. We are best friends. I would choose him to be with and do things with before anyone else. (Usually!) We recognize and even celebrate our differences. But our true contentment comes from being in relationship with God. He gives us our joy. He fills us with peace. Give your spouse grace and don’t place unrealistic expectations on him/her. They are human like you.

Marriage is the ultimate test of character. It shows you who you really are. Can you sacrifice or are you really selfish? Are you willing to put aside some of your hopes, dreams, freedoms to make the relationship work? Will you think first and act afterwards? Will you love with a love like Christ’s? Can your love be patient, kind, not envious or boastful, not arrogant or rude, not insist on its own way, not irritable or resentful?  Does your love not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth? Can your love bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things? (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)  Is your promise, your word good? Will you stand by what you said? Will others see your commitment as a witness of God’s love? Are you strong even in adversity?

I am saddened today by a culture that has devalued marriage. I have 2 unmarried daughters and I am disheartened by a world that has become so selfish as to only want what is easy and fun. I want to see a marriage revival where this institution is once again desired. I want it to be seen as good and even better. Ecclesiastes 4: 9 -12 says. “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone. And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him- a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”  There are advantages of having that life partner!

Our marriage is good because we choose for it to be. We have decided that nothing is more important. No issue, no circumstance, no person will separate us. We are both willing to compromise. We both are willing to go above expectations to care for the other. We forgive. We spend time together, even doing things one of us does not enjoy as much as the other. We seek each other out. We talk. We communicate. We go out of our way for each other. We love each other. We look for ways to express it. We put romance back into our lives often. We have fun together. We try not to take advantage of the other one. We give each other the freedom to be different and to do different things. We hold each other accountable. We tell the truth. It is not always easy, but it is worth it.

Marriage is a good institution because it was created by God. He thought of it. He planned it. He hates divorce. He wants marriage to work. And I believe any marriage can work with His love guiding you and holding you together.