Attitude of Gratitude

Attitude of Gratitude

                Thanksgiving time puts our focus on giving thanks. And on food! Before we pray and eat our dinner, we say something we are thankful for. It’s the usual things mentioned:  family, food, home, etc… We always tease our son-in-law that he says the same thing every year, but he does it unapologetically. It’s always his wife and children. Even though we tease, it is sweet because he is genuine in being thankful for them.

                Learning to be thankful is important because as we are thankful we become more content. When we are truly thankful, we need less. We want less. Because we recognize all we have, we don’t have to focus on getting more. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is crucial to being happy and satisfied.

                What are we thankful for? What am I thankful for? We can say family, friends, home, vehicles, food, but can we be more specific? I am particularly thankful for a warm home, a spouse who cuts, splits and carries wood for my woodstove. I don’t like winter so this is vital to me. I am thankful for my children, but this year I want to say I am thankful for my adopted children whom God has used to teach me how He has adopted me into His family. I am also extremely blessed in that I have had in-laws I have loved and do love. Our family is enriched because of them. I have a teen daughter and a young adult daughter who like to be with me and do things with me. What fun we have together! There are so many other things I take for granted each day and don’t appreciate fully. I so enjoy a cup of hot tea in the morning, and a good book or my Kindle with it make it better. I love that my dishwasher has cleaned my dirty dishes while I sleep. A hot shower wakes me up and ready to face the day. My phone keeps me connected to friends and family on Facebook and with emails and texts. I can type on my computer and the internet lets me do my banking, helps me shop, and post on my blog. I am grateful for my clothes- that I have what I need for our variety of climates.  I am thankful my husband has a job. (And I don’t!) I am blessed he provides so well for us. I love having antiques and items of beauty around me to feed my soul. My life is so good and I recognize this as I start counting my blessings.

 When I am thankful, I start smiling because I know how pleasing my life is. It is not perfect. I have bad days, too. I have bad moments in every day. But cultivating that attitude of thankfulness pushes out the grudges, the “poor me” feelings, the frustrations, and even anger. You can’t be truly thankful and not feel positive about life. You will see good in something if you have a grateful spirit.

An attitude of gratitude is an exercise in liking your life. It is trusting God and seeing how He has blessed you. I am thankful we have at least a day to reflect on this. Happy thanksgiving! Give thanks!

Running from Religion to Relationship

Running from Religion to Relationship

                I grew up in church. I was baptized, confirmed, went to youth group, Sunday school, Vacation Bible School, missions conferences, everything. I was comfortable at church.  I liked it. It was part of who I was. My faith was real. I believed.

                But my faith didn’t change me much. I still lived like everyone else. I did stupid things, things I am not proud of. I didn’t share my faith with anyone. No one could see much of a difference in me because of it. I was a “good” kid, which meant I didn’t get caught. I didn’t want to upset my parents. Faith didn’t change my behavior, but I was careful to not hurt anyone.

                I would have called myself a Christian, a Lutheran. But it was only skin deep. Maybe it was in my mind, but not in my heart. It wasn’t satisfying or fulfilling.

                During my teen years, I had a youth pastor who challenged us and took us to visit other churches and religious groups. It was interesting, but didn’t mean a lot to me until we went to a “Jesus People” house. I saw something different there. The people worshiped with heart, soul, and mind. They talked to God in their own words, like He was right there with them. I felt something there I had never felt before. I believe I felt God’s Spirit come over me. For the first time I knew my sins were real and they put Christ on the cross.  I knew He had died for me. I wanted to truly repent. I cried; I wept until I was completely cleansed. I was changed from the inside out. I had a new desire to read God’s Word, to share my faith, to worship wholeheartedly, and to pray continually about everything. I actually wanted to live for Him. I didn’t want to do the things I did before that I knew were wrong, and not because I was afraid of getting caught, but just because they were wrong. I had a new relationship with my Lord that was real and exciting to me. However the religion I grew up in didn’t recognize this relationship. I was forbidden by my parents to tell people I had “accepted” Jesus because I had always been a Christian. They raised me that way. They didn’t understand for a long time. But as I lived it, (not perfectly, but fairly consistently) people saw my faith was real and different. I read my Bible to get to know God and to know His will. I memorized Scripture because I wanted His Word in me, not because I wanted to know more than others. It became important to me to learn and grow as a Christian.

                Another thing that made a big difference for me was I joined Youth for Christ Campus life. I had mentors and friends who understood and wanted to grow, too. Mentors and friends kept me consistent and learning more.

                I didn’t live it perfectly. We never do. I blew it many times, but I knew God’s grace and forgiveness and love through all my trials and temptations. He was with me.

                Religion gave me a framework, a foundation for faith. Yet it alone wouldn’t have held me. It wasn’t enough. Many people I have known through the years have let their faith fall on the wayside. They no longer hold to it as they once did. The religion that got them by at home or in Sunday school ceased to be important to them. They don’t go to church. They don’t take their children to church. While they may be good people, God is not present in their lives. Faith doesn’t change them or play a part in their lives. Religion is NOT enough.

                Religion is not enough because we need relationship, too. We need to know God, His people, His church. We need to have God be a part of our lives all day, every day. We need to live His way. We have to want to be more like Jesus.

                Religion has its function, but if you are stuck there and it isn’t satisfying, run from it. Run from the emptiness to relationship. Look for Jesus, instead of what religion demands and expects. Let grace fill you instead of judgment. God’s love is real and offered to you. Leave the parts of religion behind that keep you from God. While God has standards and laws that we must follow, His Spirit will lead you and help you to follow his ways. Run to Him; run forward to relationship, a relationship with Jesus. It will be the most important race you will ever run!

               

Roles We Live

Roles We Live

I am a stay at home wife and mother, homeschooling my 6th and last child. I cook, clean, do laundry, pay bills, buy groceries, plan meals, do holidays, and more. I bake bread and caramel rolls. I buy gifts. Sometimes I sew. I made the curtains. I decorate the house. I send in rebates. I plan the school year, homeschool, test, send in the forms for the state, and all the rest of the things that go with homeschooling. I help keep the homeschool coop going. That's some of what I do. I also volunteer, mostly with politics. I babysit my grandchildren and a neighbor child. Life isn't boring, but it's busy lots of the time.

My husband works full-time. He works long hours and provides well for us. He fixes our cars and motorcycles and anything in our house that needs it. He builds anything I ask for. He does the heavy lifting I can't do. He eats what I cook. He massages my neck. He prays with me every morning before he goes to work. He does jobs I don't like. He built me a camper. He cuts wood so we can burn wood and not propane. He helps with the grandchildren when they are here.  He drives when we go on vacation. My husband is very busy, but not too busy for us.

We live with our traditional roles and we like them. I don't have to change tires; my husband doesn't have to make the bed. We don't feel cheated or stuck in traditional roles. We choose it. I am free to do so many things that my friends who have full-time jobs can not do. They have schedules to be kept, hours that belong to someone else. I have so many more hours with my children; I am blessed by this choice.

I have had to live on less than those who have two full-time incomes. We don't have the financial security that two jobs would have provided, but that only means I have had the opportunity to be creative in supplying our needs and desires. It hasn't been a bad thing for us.

When President Obama recently commented about full-time stay-at-home moms, "We don't want that." I was shocked and outraged. To take my life's calling and degrade it by seeing it as lessening my economic impact was frustrating, maddening. My job is important, too. I am raising the next generation, impacting the one after that, too. I am volunteering where others cannot. I take pride in who I am and what I have done. I enjoy my 'traditional' roles and I will teach other young women that it is a good thing that they can take pride in. They can be anything they want to be, even a stay-at-home wife and a mother. It's their choice and their calling; however they do it.

A Day Without My Phone

A Day Without My Phone

Yesterday I hurriedly got ready for church and grabbed everything I needed for the day. We were not only going to church, but to a house showing with our son, a political rally, shopping, and back to church for a celebration. I brought extra clothes and shoes. I grabbed treats for my grandchildren. I had my Bible, and my book. I got a water bottle.  I made sure I had a warmer jacket in the car. I thought I had everything I needed until we got about halfway there. I didn’t have my phone.

Now I am notorious for putting my phone in the wrong pocket or bag so when I said that I had forgotten it, someone always calls it so I can find it. My husband’s phone rang and rang to no avail. We didn’t hear mine. I really didn’t have it. Since we were 15 miles from home, we were not going back for it. I could get along without it for a day. Right?

I borrowed my husband’s phone to let my son know I didn’t have mine and if he needed to contact us, he should contact his dad. We got to church and we didn’t know whether to save seats for my son and family. My daughter texted my daughter-in-law to see if they were coming to church. When church got over, there was a lunch afterwards. I had to check my daughter’s phone to check the time to see if we had time to eat before the showing. Then we needed the address for the house showing. Again I used my husband’s phone. I don’t wear a watch anymore so I use my phone for the time and so I didn’t know the time all day.

We got to the political rally and I couldn’t take pictures, facebook it, or tweet about it without my phone.  Fortunately others took pictures and sent them to me later.

During the church service, a former worship leader mentioned he used to be in a band. I so wanted to look him up, but no phone, no internet.

After the service, we decided to go eat. I couldn’t look up the hours of the restaurant, coupons, specials, or anything. We chose a restaurant that I had a printed coupon for.

When we got home, I immediately went in and found my phone. It was sitting on the bed where I left it. I had only one missed call. (from my husband when he was checking to see if I really had left it!) There were a few Facebook notifications, new tweets, but nothing earth shattering that I couldn’t miss.  I had survived a whole day without my phone! Sure glad my daughter and  my husband had theirs!

Grandparenting

I never dreamed about being a grandparent. I always wanted to be a wife and a mom, but I never thought about what it would truly be like to be a grandparent. Once when my children were younger, and there were only five then, they told me they would each have five and I would have 25 grandchildren. They joked about how I would have to line them all up in sleeping bags across my library floor when they all slept over. That was the only thought I had about it. I never thought about it in reality.

My first grandson was born when my youngest was almost seven months old. I was so busy with my own baby, it was hard to truly grandparent. I had my own baby to hold. She was a month early, so tiny and petite, so unexpected. She was my gift, my precious one. I was so enraptured by her that I am sure I didn't totally get the whole experience of first time grandparenting.

My grandchildren continued to arrive  almost every year after that. If there was a break for a year, I got two the next year. I have fifteen age twelve and under. I have ten granddaughters and five grandsons. Two of my grandsons were born this year. I am truly blessed with lots of little ones. Six of them call me Grandma and nine of them call me Oma.

They all seem to love to come and visit and we do lots of things with them. I usually have special snacks for them and do meals they like. I try to make it special for them. But the best thing I did for them was to have my last two children. My younger two daughters are the real reason they love to come to Grandma's. They love their Auntie Mandy and their Naynay.

Naynay is closest to their age and she plays with them. They adore her. They nag her, call to her, beg her, and generally just want to be with her. They love her and she is great with them. They often look for her first when they get here. Mandy reads to them and plays with them, too.

I never thought what it would be like to be a grandparent so I didn't know how much fun it could be. Or how exhausting it could be because there are so many. One weekend in April, we had ten of them overnight. Ten under eight years old! I am not sure if we would have had as much fun if I wouldn't have had my younger daughters here to help and make it fun. We divide the duties, the activities, and sometimes the kids. We work together to make it work. We help the kids get along and enjoy each other. It is a great team effort!

Grandparenting is so different for us than it was for my parents or my grandparents. All of them were basically retired as they grand-parented our children. They had more leisure time and were more able to be there at different times. They had less commitments than we do. And they were not still parenting at the same time. I still need to be a parent first to my girls at home, especially as I am still homeschooling one. Sometimes that presents a conflict in my time with my married children and grandchildren. I haven't always figured it all out and I know I haven't done it all right. I want to be there for all of them, but the balance is hard at times. It is hard to prioritize when I love them all. I try to say yes as often as I can to babysitting, but once in a while I just have to say no. I try hard to make it work.

Our grandparenting may not be excellent, but we love all of them and are glad to know them as well as we do. We are blessed to get to spend time with them often. We are glad to be part of their lives. We are particularly blessed to have two daughters at home who love the kids and show it so well. They have made being a grandparent so much easier. I have to admit sometimes I get jealous when some of the kids come and I never see them because they are so busy with their aunts. But truly I recognize how God knew best when he blessed us with our last two unplanned children because only He could have known how they would bless the nest generation, too.

Being a grandparent is fun, rewarding, and sometimes tiring. It is truly a joy to see your children parent and it is another chance to love on little ones. I didn't dream about it. I didn't plan for it. But it is here and I am glad to share this time with Grandpa (Opa) and the aunts at home. It is another joy God has put in my heart.

Hospitality

Hospitality is something I was taught and something we lived as I grew up. My mom wasn't a fantastic cook and didn't do it all perfectly from an entertainment stand point, but she was always welcoming. She made simple meals, but wasn't afraid to share them. My dad would call home and say that he was bringing a salesman home for lunch and she never got flustered(at least that I could see!) She would just set another place. Sometimes it was just soup or a simple sandwich. There wasn't always dessert, maybe just some store bought cookies. Yet she served with a smile and offered what she had.

When we started building our house 25 years ago, I wanted our home to be an open home that would share that same hospitality. I prayed that we would always be welcoming when the house was done. Yet God does have a sense of humor sometimes, and the stipulation of when it was done was not heard. I cooked on the woodstove before we got our stove. And I had overnight  guests before I had all the walls in. But we tried to love and welcome people and they kept coming.

We have had people live with us at different times. We have had guests for extended visits. We have babysat, done daycare, and hosted classes and Bible Studies. We do many family gatherings and celebrate holidays at our home. We have had one person and we have had 80 plus people. Our home is a house well lived in and is never perfect; nor are we.

Last week my niece's son called my son and told him he was coming for a visit from out of state. He was bringing his wife whom we had not met with. My son told them the could stay with us! And this is not the first time my adult children have invited people to our house instead of theirs.

My nephew sent me a Facebook message confirming that it was ok to come and asked for my phone number. I sent it back and asked them when they would be coming. He told me around noon so I told him to come for lunch. When I gave them my phone number, I asked him to call on his way so I would know when to expect them. The next day was the appointed day and I got up and started to prepare for them. I vacuumed and picked up around the house. I started bread rising and planned on making soup, salad, and apple bread. I had plenty of time so I thought I would shower after I vacuumed. As  I finished, my dog barked. But she barks at airplanes and not always at cars so I finished. I looked up and Nathan was at the door! I ran into the bedroom, and after yelling, "Come in!", I said, "You are early! It isn't noon!" How hospitable of me! I told them to take a seat and asked my daughter to see if they wanted something to drink. I took my shower, got dressed and then came out to meet his wife. It was a lovely start to our visit! While we talked, I cooked and made lunch, since I wasn't ready. They were gracious guests. I hadn't scared them away...

I often tell guests that they are only guests once, then they join the family and should help themselves. Some feel at home immediately and help themselves. Others take longer. While Nathan had not even been in my home for about 5 years, apparently he felt comfortable there. When he  and his wife got back after visiting my son and family, he came up and got himself a glass of milk and the next morning , he took some extra bread for the road. I felt blessed that he felt comfortable enough to get what he needed. I was glad that my home was a place he felt he could be at home in.

As we have opened our home to others, we have learned much. We have learned about those who came to us, but we also learned about ourselves. Some guests we have enjoyed more than others. Some were difficult. We had to learn to be gracious even when we didn't feel like it. We had to learn to put aside our own interests and care for those with us. Sometimes we had to stand up for ourselves, but not often. Most people have just enjoyed being in our home, eating what we make, and staying with us. Many come back again and again.

God gave us the gift of our home. We have been blessed by it. We had hoped to use it for Him someday, but any day is a good day to share what He has given us and we try. Sometimes we get worn out, but it is only a season, for a time. We make the best of it. And on the quiet days, we just enjoy it ourselves. We are grateful for our home and feel privileged to share it.

Hospitality starts in the heart. It comes from a grateful spirit willing to share what you have. It isn't entertaining, and it isn't perfect. Anyone can do it. It might mean sharing soup or potato pancakes as I once did to a young man who had never had them before. It might mean some of the kids sleep on the floor in sleeping bags.  Mostly it's just being welcoming, letting others into your family and home. The Bible tells us to "practice hospitality." We may never get it perfectly, but we all can keep practicing!

The Story Keeper Book Review

I was privileged to be a part of a sister circle that got to read The Story Keeper this past summer before it was published. Each circle had 5 sisters and there were over 20 circles. We each had the book for up to 2 weeks. Most of us read it much more quickly than that! As we read, we jotted notes and underlined all over the book. It became quite well used by the time we were done. I was the 2nd in our circle so only got to read one person's comments. However we all became Facebook friends and have emailed each other, too. It has been fun to be a part of a group that shares a love of books like we do.  I really enjoyed being in the Sister Circles and hope to do it again.  Below is my review of The Story Keeper that I have put on several sites.

The Story Keeper Book Review

The Story Keeper by Lisa Wingate is an intriguing story within a story. The past and the present are woven together and the relationships are intertwined in unexpected ways.

The main character, Jen Gibbs, is a new editor for a major publishing house. She finds an old manuscript on her desk that captures her attention. Not only does the story grab hold of her, but the connection to her past scares her a bit. She ends up going back to more than she bargained for. She learns more than she expects. And she finds more than she dreamed of. It’s a journey filled with emotion, mystery, and hope.

The Story Keeper is filled with nuggets of truth, quotes you’ll want to keep. The stories are captivating and will give you an appreciation of all that life is.

 

 

Dreaming on Daisies Book Review

Dreaming on Daisies Book Review

While this book is the  4^th in the Love Blossoms in Oregon series, it could be read alone. However you will want to read the whole series so you can meet and get to know the varied characters in the story. Each character adds depth and personality to the story and makes you feel like you know the whole community.

I just finished reading Dreaming on Daisies by Miralee Ferrel. It is a story about a family that has its foundation in lies and secrets. Each member has their own resulting wounds and pain. Bitterness and pride get in the way of healing. This book touched me in ways it might not touch others because I have had some experience with feelings of abandonment as a couple of the characters in the book do. Mine was not the same as theirs,  but made me sensitive to their situations all the same. I could relate to their feelings. I could feel their pain and misunderstanding.

Things change in the book as a virtual stranger ends up living on the ranch and helping out,  and an unexpected romance develops with neither person sure they can trust enough to love. Conflicts arise, tempers flare, confrontations occur, and eventually through God’s grace,  healing begins in the way each of them needs.

Forgiveness is the catalyst for change and it made me think of those situations in which I need to forgive also. It is a moving story that will make you feel deeply. Sometimes I got frustrated with the characters just as I would if the person were real. And I rejoiced when they got it right! It was a good book, but you should read the whole series! It is a fun read and you will enjoy the whole community if you read them all.

Peter Gives Me Hope

I have heard the story of Peter, one of Jesus' disciples, many times. He always seemed bigger than life to me. I thought of him as impulsive, brash, and even too outspoken. I knew Jesus loved him and chose him. I knew after Jesus' death, resurrection, and ascension, that he became a real leader in the church. But it always irritated me that he denied Christ after Jesus told him that he would. Why wasn't he on guard? Why wasn't he more loyal?

We recently went to the Passion Play in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, and I saw a retelling of Jesus' last days on earth. I saw Peter deny Jesus three times and then look at Jesus and weep. He had said he wouldn't do it, that he would even die for him, but he then denied him. Just a few days ago in my Bible reading, I reread the story and felt all those feelings all over again. How could he do it? I know he loved Jesus and followed Him. Were the circumstances too much that he could not stand with Jesus?

I don't know all that Peter felt, but as I thought about this, I was eventually relieved by the story. Peter gives me hope. He, who knew Jesus personally, and was His friend and disciple, failed Jesus. And Jesus, who knew he would do it, forgave him. He, not only forgave him, but still used him mightily in building His church. He trusted him again. He found a purpose for him.

Now I could say that I have never denied him like Peter did, and that would be true. But to say I have never denied him would not be true. Every time I have failed to give God credit for what He has done, or I have not admitted I am a Christian, or shared His love with someone, I have denied Him. When I don't have time to pray or read His word, but call Him Lord, I am denying Him. I, too, am guilty.

But Peter gives me hope. If Jesus forgave him, he will forgive me, too. If Jesus was ready to use Peter in ministering to others, He can use me, too. I know He doesn't just give up on us, even if we sometimes give up on Him. He desires us to come back into relationship with Him and He wants us to be fulfilled in life. He is willing to pour into us, making us more than what we thought we could be.

I am thankful that God's Word doesn't just tell success stories. It tells of real people with real problems, with real sins in their lives. And it tells how God changes them, works in and through them. Some of the heroes in the Bible were at first failures. God, in them, made a difference.

Peter is one of those people. He failed God, denying Jesus, but went on to make a difference in the church and the world. We, too, despite our failures in our walk with God, can be used by Him. Peter gives me hope.

Urgent vs. Important

Have you ever heard of tyranny of the urgent? Have you experienced it? How many times have you done something because you had to, not because you wanted to or even had planned to? So many times we do whatever we do because we feel obligated to or are forced to. We deal with the urgent because it's, oh so, urgent.

What is the urgent? What is so necessary that we have to act on it now? And do we always do what is urgent rather than what is truly important? How do we choose which priority we accomplish?

Does someone else's crisis always constitute a crisis for us? If a friend is desperate for help, do we just drop everything and go help? If the church calls and has no teachers for Sunday School, do we agree to it because no one else is? If your child needs money, do you do all that is possible to save the situation? Do you do anything for a parent, sibling, or other relative?

When do you say yes? When do you say no? For some people, it is really hard to say no because it could hurt someone. But do you always say yes so as to not disappoint someone? What is a good justification for saying no?

I have struggled with this because I am a care giver so I want to help others. Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out who to say yes to because more than one thing pulls at me. What do I do if more than one of my children want me to babysit for my grandchildren at the same time? Well, I said yes, and yes, and yes, and had 10 children under 7 for a whole weekend! Fortunately my daughters were home and available to help. But my saying yes impacted them, too.

So when do you say yes? For me, if I have no reason to say no, I usually say yes. That is not always the best way to make a decision. Sometimes there are other circumstances that I should take into account. For example, I may say yes to having company right after having been gone. Instead of enjoying a good time with company, I may be on edge or tired, trying to meet needs when I wasn't adequately prepared to. I did this a few years back, hosting  a teacher and students for a few days after I had been gone on vacation. I didn't feel ready. I was exhausted and I did not feel like I was a good host. Or I have had people over when my own children had needs I should have been meeting. I also have committed to doing things when I could/should have been doing things with my husband or others. Some of my commitments have, out of necessity, included other family members when it was not what they necessarily wanted to do.

I also have done things because one of my children has committed to something and needed me to be there as well. Sometimes that has been just fine and sometimes it has taken away from something else.

What I feel like I need to do is to weigh my priorities when asked to do something. God is my first priority and doing His will is important to me. Next is my husband and family. Friends, church, work, and other commitments follow that. So I need to look at what I am agreeing to and see how it fits in with my priorities. And I need to weigh also what could suffer if I do what I am being asked to do.

Will my priorities get out of whack if I choose this?

The other things I need to consider are whether the activity or commitment uses my gifts and talents. Am I doing what God made me to do? Or am I just doing what everyone else thinks I should do? I need to be who God wants first or I lose myself. I also have to consider my time and resources. Some things are good, but will wear me out so I am not good for anything else. Doing what is not right for me can really be a chore and make me weary. Occasionally we will be asked to do something way out of our comfort zone and that can be good if it is from God. We learn to trust Him more and He will bless our obedience. So prayer is a big thing. I try not to say yes (at least for the big things) unless I have prayed. I would like to say I pray about all of them, but I am prone to act on impulse occasionally.

So should the tyranny of the urgent rule your life's choices? I think not, but it will at times. You have to take care of young children. You have to cook and eat and take care of your health. Many things just have to be done.  However with prayer and planning, you can make better choices and maybe not feel so overwhelmed. You can say no. And when you say yes, it will be to the right things. You will be choosing to do His will and be who He created you to be.

I am still learning how to do this. It's a lifelong process. Don't give up!

 

I'm Sorry - The Fine Art of Apologizing

I’m Sorry- The Fine Art of an Apology

                It seems to me our society has forgotten how to apologize, how to simply say I am sorry.  Is it because we don’t think we have to? Or can’t we humble ourselves to admit we are wrong? Are we afraid someone will think less of us if we admit to failing in some area? What is it that keeps us from apologizing? Don’t we know how?

                Apologizing is so simple, but so hard. It is simple to say the words, but harder to always feel and empathize with the one who feels wronged. Yet an apology allows the hurt person to feel validated in their hurt. It gives them the freedom to feel their pain and to be acknowledged in it. It also gives them the opportunity to forgive. Apologizing is the beginning of healing in the heart of conflict.

                Sometimes when we hear, "I am sorry”, from someone, we question the sincerity of the apology, and rightly so. A quick “I’m sorry” can be an easy way out. When our children were young, we wouldn’t let them just say ”Sorry…” We made them say “I am sorry. I was wrong to…” and they had to fill in what they had done. We didn’t just want an insincere apology. We wanted them to admit they were wrong and have it be a real acknowledgement of what they had done. They didn’t like doing it, but it taught them why we say I am sorry. Too often an apology is just an easy way out and it doesn’t fix anything. But if it is followed with an admittance of doing wrong and repentance, a turning from the wrong, it goes a long way towards making it better. We all have heard, “Sorry you feel that way” or “Sorry you are hurt”, but neither of those recognize the part you played in the hurt. It places all the hurt and blame on the other person. Even if an apology is not accepted, a sincere apology is the still the right thing to do.

                I recently had someone do something that hurt me. It wasn’t intentional so I wasn’t angry over what had happened. The consequences of their actions caused me some real distress and they never said they were sorry. It wasn’t a big deal to them so they ignored it even though they should have known it hurt me. I had trusted them with something and even if it wasn’t important to them, they knew it mattered to me. I just wanted a simple. “I am sorry. I wish that wouldn’t have happened.” When I am ignored when I have been hurt, it feels like my pain is stupid and shouldn’t be there, but it is. For right now, what happened hurts our relationship. I will get over it even if I never hear the words. I will forgive. But it will always be there, only a thought away. I will keep that thought from rising and will get past it eventually. I have to because the relationship is more important than the hurt. It is more important than what I lost. God will give me the grace to deal with it just as I know He has extended that grace to me over and over.

                Apologies are important in relationships, but so is forgiveness. And forgiveness is not contingent on the apology. Sometimes it has to be given before an apology is offered or even if one never comes. Forgiveness heals the hurt person, keeping bitterness from their heart.  Sometimes it takes time, sometimes it takes space. But always it brings healing in the long run.

                Apologizing may be a lost art for now. But it can be learned. Little children can be taught to say I am sorry. Adults can learn to do it, too. It may be harder for them, but practice helps. It gets easier as you learn to do it. Be sincere and say it to someone you have hurt or may have hurt. Let the healing begin. If you begin today, the fine art of apologizing will not be lost.

Separation Anxiety

My youngest daughter is off to camp this week. Though we have been apart for 5-6 days before, this is the first time she has not had the means to contact me or for me to contact her. It is a separation of the toughest kind for both of us. I have no doubt she will be busy and will even enjoy her absence more than I will. But I want her to have the opportunity, the experience to be her without me around.

She is 13, a new teen. Many feel sorry for me as I enter the teen phase of parenting again. Yet I am thoroughly enjoying it and her. Maybe because we are a homeschooling family that spends most of our time together, maybe she is just extraordinary, but I like my teen. I like spending time with her. That doesn't mean we never clash; we do. But we really do get along and we like doing things together. She is a blessing to me. She keeps me young, doing things I maybe wouldn't ordinarily do in my 50's.

My teen likes to try things so I am sure this will be the first of many times when I will have to let her go beyond my comfort zone. Parenting is training, teaching, and then letting go as they live out what they have learned. It doesn't always go the way you hope. Children don't always learn what you taught. I know this because I am not a novice in this parenting thing. I have 5 adult children, too. Sometimes I revel in the fact that my adult children are teaching their children what I taught them. Sometimes I grieve when the lessons most important to me are ignored now in their adult lives. But the one thing I have learned is to never give up on them and to never quit praying for them. No matter where they go or what they do, they will never escape a mother's prayers.

So as I suffer separation anxiety from my daughter, I am praying often. I am praying she has fun, I want her to meet some new friends. I am hoping she is loving riding horse as I once did. I am praying that her faith will grow and she will be challenged to live it in a new way. And as a mom, I am praying she eats well, sleeps well, and doesn't get hurt or sick. I also don't want her to miss us too much. Her tender heart will be thinking of us.

Separation is hard, but is a learning step for all of us. I am leaving her in God's hands (a million times a day!) and she is learning to trust God in new situations. It is a growing time and we will both better appreciate each other again. It is good because of these things, but I am really looking forward to Friday!

Volunteering

Volunteering

I am often in the position of coordinating volunteers for different things. Sometimes that is a very difficult job. Even when I have a potential volunteer list, it can be tough to get people to commit.  Often it is the last moment before they say yes. Often it is after several emails and/or phone calls.  When I have to make several contacts several times, it makes my job so much tougher. It also takes more time.

I know people are busy. I know people have varying other priorities. And I know sometimes they have to say no. I understand those things. But I also know people can do what they really want to do. I also believe more of us need to be giving of our time and talents to things we believe in.

I know when I volunteer in areas that are important to me, I usually meet other like-minded people and some of them have become friends over the years. I also feel a sense of satisfaction for contributing to a cause I believe in. I feel empowered that I can make a difference even in a small way.  It fills me up to show others I care.

There are so many ways you can volunteer. There are so many needs out there. Some of the areas you can volunteer in are lots of fun, too.

What are your passions? What do you love?  What wrong do you want to change? What do you enjoy? What kind of things are you good at? Where could you make a difference?

If, and when, you do sign up to volunteer, tell them what you’re willing to do. Give them an idea of how much time you can give. Tell them when you are able to do it. Don’t make them beg you to do it. It is so hard to be in the position of asking over and over for people to help.

If you serve with a willing spirit, it is such a blessing to everyone involved. Serving grudgingly is still service, but steals the joy from it. If you really can’t or don’t want to, don’t let the person asking ask again and again before you say no. Say no if that’s what you are really planning to do anyway. Then you won’t be irritated by the persistent asking and the person calling won’t have to repeat their call and waste theirs and your time.

Volunteering is expected in our family. It is something we do. All of our adult children still do it as they grew up with it and knew it as a part of their lives. It can enrich your life, provide you with interesting opportunities, and give you new people in your life. It is worthwhile. It is rewarding.

Next time you see a need, surprise someone and ask how you can help. You don’t have to wait to be asked. If you are asked, seriously consider saying yes. You don’t have to say yes every time, but try it! Just do it! Volunteer with a smile and enjoy the experience.

 

The Myth of Happily Ever After

The Myth of Happily Ever After

                I read a lot. I always have. As a child, I was read to when I wasn’t able to read for myself, but then I devoured everything in the house, at school and at the library. My favorite stories were the fairy tales like Beauty and the Beast, family stories like Heidi, Little House on the Prairie, Little Women, and animal stories like Black Beauty and Beautiful Joe. I liked romance stories like the Love Comes Softly series. I enjoyed happily ever after.

I expected real life to mirror all my favorite stories. I thought families almost always got along. Families were supposed to like each and like being together. They would sacrifice anything and everything for each other. Even when animals were mistreated, someone would save them. Trials came and it made the people stronger. In the romance stories, couples fell in love and lived happily ever after.

                I grew up and married my own Prince Charming. We didn’t just live happily ever after. We had problems, illness, trials, and sometimes it was hard. Marriage was difficult at times. But it was still good. It is still good. It just isn’t a fairy tale. It’s real life.

Families don’t always get along. They don’t even always like each other. Sometimes they split up and refuse to be there for each other. I actually like the fantasy world here better because I hate to be disappointed. I want everyone to get along and to enjoy each other’s company. I like family get- togethers and family parties. I want my family to be one that they could write a book about and people would be impressed by. But again I live in real life and not everyone gets along. Not everyone wants to be together. I am saddened by this, but I can’t change what others do or want. Real life does disappoint; relationships do, too. But some relationships surpass stories and are a real blessing.

Pets can be wonderful, but sometimes they are more work than wonderful. I have had pets that delight, and I have had pets that I can barely tolerate. I have been bitten and I have been loved immeasurably with unmerited devotion. I have had blind pets, deaf pets, sick pets, and pets I wish I didn’t have. Some were extraordinary; some were a pain. They were not all loyal like in the books, but some were.

Since real life has taught me that not every story has a ‘happily ever after’ ending, do I quit reading? Am I disheartened by the fact that real life isn’t the same as the stories I have read all my life? No, I don’t quit reading. I still love to read, to escape into a fantasy world of another place, another time, another’s story. I get to experience things I wouldn’t otherwise get a chance to try. I can have a mini vacation, a diversion or distraction from real life.

‘Happily Ever After’ may be a myth. It may be a fantasy. It may only be a dream. It may be where your imagination takes flight and it makes you smile, relax, or let go. As long as you don’t let it disappoint, as long as you know life is never perfect, accept the myth. Find a way to claim as much as is possible. Strive towards it. Know that while life is not perfect and happily ever after may not exist in this world, life can be good, very good indeed. True ‘happily ever after’ will only be in Heaven.

 

Review of All My Belongings by Cynthia Ruchti

Cynthia Ruchti’s book All My Belongings  is a book you will want to read.  It has characters you will want to get to know and situations you or someone you know has faced. All of us want to know we belong somewhere or to someone. The story will speak to your heart.

The story follows the main character as she leaves what is familiar to find a new life far away from what was home.  The shame she was running from wasn’t even her own. She was fleeing her past, but it was a past that would follow her unless she took drastic measures to change who she was. What her father did haunted her in her present life and seemed to project itself into her future. Would she ever be free?

How would Becca ever feel like she belonged? She had lost everything in her past and finally when she starts to let down her guard to trust again, events happen that make her want to run again. As she battles to put it all behind her and to look forward, an unexpected request forces her to a place where she must choose between bitterness or forgiveness. She chooses to be free even though the choice is hard and changes her future again.

Throughout the story, through all its twists and turns, its hurts and disappointments, a foundation of faith is what holds the characters together. Their strengths are found when they seek God’s will. Their hope is renewed when they learn to trust and then act from that faith.

I highly recommend this book because it touches the heart as well as challenging the will. We all have choices to make that will affect our future and others, too. The themes of adoption, family discord, care giving, and wondering how we belong will resonate with many. The cloud of grace that is over all of it will reassure and give peace and hope.

Thoughts on a book: All My Belongings by Cynthia Ruchti

All My Belongings by Cynthia Ruchti is a book that really touched my heart. Its focus is on the themes of adoption, caregiving for a family member, and difficult family relationships. Because I have experienced all of these things in some form, this book really resonated with me. I felt the emotions of the characters and understood the conflicts they were facing.

The story can affect you on many levels. You feel for the characters in the book and relate to them personally. I sometimes got stuck in my own emotions and remembering my own similar situations as I read. Parts of it were hard to read as they hurt, but the hope found in Christ is prevalent without being forced. The hope offered is part of an underlying foundation of strength that is present and real.

I don't want to tell you the story because it is best read and savored within your own experiences. This book will make you think. It may make you remember. You may cry. You will also come away knowing about servanthood, forgiveness, and love. I recommend you read it and feel it.

The Great Swimsuit Search

I have a daughter close to age 13. She is tall and thin. She is no longer a little girl, but she is not all grown up either. She needs a new swimsuit. And I couldn't find one!

The girls' sized ones just don't fit her. They are too wide, but not long enough. The junior sizes are skimpy. Women's sizes are too big.

I spent hours searching all the major retailers online for an answer. I saw more tummies, and cleavage than I ever wanted to. I felt like I had been searching soft porn sites. It really made me sad to see how much we expose our young girls. I don't want that much skin revealed on my daughter.

What are we saying to our young women when we only market to them clothing that doesn't cover them modestly. Do we really want them to show their bodies off like that?

I want my daughter to have a healthy view of her body, but I also want her to feel respected and valued beyond her body. I want her to dress comfortably and confidently. We were at a waterpark recently and so many of the young girls in their skimpy suits were pulling and tugging to keep the suit in place. It was embarrassing all around. The attention they got wasn't all positive. I felt sorry for them.

We did finally find some more modest swimsuits and they were expensive! But what choice did I have?

What we finally did was try on every top in every store that had swimsuits (tiring!) until we found something we could tolerate and almost like... :-) We even went back to stores more than once. we finally found a ladies' top in a small or extra small and then we took it to the girls department and found some athletic shorts that went with the colors in the top. We purchased some expensive liner type quick drying underwear for underneath and put it all together to create our own suit. It works, was way more than I wanted to pay, but she can be sure of the fit and comfort. Hope it lasts all summer! But I am guessing she will need another one before summer's end...

Restoration

Psalm 51: 12 says "Restore unto me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit."

Somewhere in the cold wastelands of winter, I lost that joy. I lost my passion. I haven't been unhappy or unproductive. I just have not had my usual sense of empathy, sensitivity, and hope. As  I look forward to spring and new life, I look forward to "renewing a right spirit within me."

I am looking for a challenge. I am seeking God's will. I am asking what I should do next. I am willing to do something different. I am not sure what form my willingness will take me. I just know I need to get on track.

My birthday is next week. Another year has gone by. Another year is beginning. I have a choice to be stuck in the past or to move forward. With God's help, I will move ahead. I have not even tried to meet any of my goals for this year so it's time. Maybe I need to review them and prioritize. Maybe I even need to set new goals.

I know I need to find the joy of my salvation and open my Bible more. I need to pray more. I need to put God in first place.

I am ready to step out of the desert. I am ready to drink the living water again.

How about you? What do you do to get out of a spiritual desert? How do you find the joy of your salvation again?

I will strive to find the joy of my heart again. As I do, I will share...

The Deep Freeze of Minnesota

Sometimes living in Minnesota is a real challenge. This is one of those times. I don't like winter. I don't like cold. And it is very cold right now! When the thermometer says -18 for the high, that is a problem. Below 0 and high should not go in the same sentence. Then add the wind chill and you get somewhere in the neighborhood of -44. You do not want to be outside for very long in that kind of weather. You can get frostbite in something like 3 minutes on exposed skin. It is dangerous. Schools have been closed because of the cold.

Our weather has been colder than Mars. It is colder than the North Pole. And did I mention I don't like cold weather?

I sit by the wood stove and plan vacations to warmer places. Cancun sounds good. My son likes Key West, Florida. Even Texas and other southern destinations are not all that warm this year. I am not sure of where to go.

The snow is already getting to me, too. I don't enjoy the winter sports so it has little value to me. When people tell me it is beautiful, I struggle to see what they see. It is white. and that is when it is clean... I like color. I feel like I am living in a black and white world. The only color ate the pine trees and that isn't enough for me. The sky has been too gray to cheer me. The days are short with too much darkness. I need light and color.

I have one hearty little plant that blooms year round and it helps my sanity as it surprises me with a bloom on even the coldest days. It makes me smile.

Why do I live in Minnesota? My children and grandchildren are all here. I grew up here.  My home is here. My husband's job is here.

But could that change? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know yet, but I am praying about it. If I am to remain in the deep freeze, God's love will keep me. I will find joy even in the cold. At least I will try...

Stuck in the Old?

As the New Year begins, it is fitting and proper to reflect back on the old year as well as plan for the new year. So before I even consider goals, resolutions, and dreams for the new year, I need to look back. What did last year hold? Was it a good year? Or a tough one? What would I want to repeat? What would I never want to happen again?

I started to think about 2013 and my first impression was that it was not a good year. I got stuck right there. Why did I feel that way? What happened that made me immediately come to that conclusion? I had to stop and think it through. I realized that it was basically one change in our family and lives that made me put a dark cloud on the whole year. While that one event has colored many other things in a negative light, it should not put a shadow over all that was good.

I needed to look at the year again without my dark glasses on. I had to push that one extremely sad part of my life out of the way so I could see all that was good. I didn't want to be stuck in the old year, unable to find peace and joy in the new year. I wanted to remember the good times, too. I want to rejoice in all that was positive.

So what was last year about? It was a year readjusting to changes in the family. It was a year to find out how to go on without having an older generation anymore in our lives. We are all older, with a few more aches and pains... It was a very cold winter followed by a summer we didn't really enjoy. Some of it was really hard. Some of it hurt a lot. Some of it was exhausting.

Yet there was much to celebrate as well! We received the gift of another granddaughter in June. Eleanor is a sweetheart. My husband got a raise. We got a different car and a different camper. We sold some motorcycles, a car, and the old camper. We went on a wonderful vacation to Washington DC and the East Coast. My daughter got a job. My son got a full-time position that we had long prayed for. I was able to reconnect with some old friends. We found a new home for our horses. Our church is getting a new pastor after being without a full-time one for over 2 years. We spent time together with family.  Those are just off the top of my head with little thought in it. If I looked at my calendar, I would probably find many more things to be thankful for. Was it a good year? Certainly! My dad always said that any day above ground was a good one! So if you are alive, It's a good day!

There were many good days! Many good days should add up to a good year. One good year should challenge me to find the good in the next.

So instead of being stuck in the old year or the old bad memories, it's time to look ahead to the New Year with anticipation and expectation. God has a plan for us and we can trust Him. We can stop letting the bad overshadow the good. We can press forward, onward, and be glad for another day, another year of life. We can remember the good and let that help us to trust going forward will have its rewards even if there are some difficulties along the way. We will continue to celebrate life and God's goodness to us. I am going to get 'unstuck!' On with the New!