Getting Past Failing

Have you ever failed someone? I don't mean once or twice, but consistently, in that you are not the person they want or need in their lives. No matter what you do or how much you love them, it is never enough. They rarely see what you have done for them or what you are willing to do for them. They are stuck in a world of their own choosing, expecting only bad and not seeing what is right before them.

Their perception of you can begin to affect your own. It is so easy to start to see yourself as inadequate or lacking, when that is not the reality. You start to see what is projected on you from the other person. You believe you are what they say you are or are not- even though no one else sees you that way.

You begin to live in their pain instead of living in the place God has called you to. He wants us to live in His light and not in someone else's darkness. When you love somone who is living in darkness, it is hard not to get pulled in to it, too. It's not because you want to join them in it, but because you know no other way to pull them out. But many times we want to pull them out before they are ready or want to be rescued. This only causes more conflict.

The conflicts take on a life of their own and you can lose sight of the good things in life. When this happens, evil has taken root in both lives. It is often a whole family affected by all of it. Everyone reacts differently, but the effects are not good.

So what do you do?  I have had to to realize that I am not the person some people see me as. I am a child of God who is loved and who has done all I can to love and care for them. I had to stop believing others' negative perceptions of me so that it didn't cripple me to do and be who I am. I had to let go of the hurts they intentionally and unintentionally inflict.These hurts come from the core of who they are and from the wounds they have in their souls and hearts and lives. I have to choose to forgive. I will choose to ask forgiveness if that will help whether I belive it is warranted or not. I will work at loving unconditionally.

None of my responses come easily. With hurt comes hopelessness and apathy. Only through Christ's work in me and His love in me can I ever respond correctly. I will fail again. But I will try again and again to hope, to love, because He does, and the joys of my heart remain when I remain in Him and walk in obedience.

Christmas

Christmas Day is almost here! As I write late on Christmas Eve, I am contemplating Christmas Past and Christmas Present with an eye on Christmas Future. I have some great memories of Christmases from the past. I think about all those that were part of them that are no longer with us or are no longer part of our lives for one reason or another. I miss many of them. They remain in my heart even if they are no longer here physically.

This year was different, too. It had some wonderful moments when the grandchildren squealed excitedly over something or quietly commented at church when the pastor asked,"What child is this?"
"Jesus...", she whispered. Some parts were disappointments because I always want peace and joy for all my family and it doesn't happen. I give those disappointments to God or I would be truly brokenhearted. And there is too much joy in so much of the celebration to let the disappointments overshadow it.

As much as we would like to plan for the Christmas future, we don't know what is in store for us. Some of us talked about doing something totally different next year. Maybe a trip or a missions experience or gifts to someone needy or...  Who knows???  The important thing is to keep Christ in Christmas. I want to whisper quietly and shout loudly with my life that it's all about Jesus. He is the real reason for the season and the joy of my heart no matter what else is happening.

A Thankful Heart

Thanksgiving is this week! We have so much to be thankful for, but often we don't realize it or we forget our many blessings. We take them for granted. Today I want to begin to count my blessings...

1. My husband- the love of my life. We have had our difficulties (neither of us is perfect, but we are forgiven and forgiving!)

2. My children- God gives us children to teach us about life, love, and perseverance!

3. My grandchildren- They are a do-over and sweet revenge on my children. They make me smile!

4. Family and friends- You know who you are...

5. A home in the country

6. Food! And almost always I enjoy cooking.

7. Books- I love to read, maybe more than eating :-)

8. Homeschooling- I enjoy teaching my children and I enjoy continually learning!

9. Writing- I need to write and I have the tools to do it.

10. My computer and my i-phone

11. A van to take me places

12. Motorcycles

13. Vacations

14. My husband's job

15. Hope- because of faith in Jesus

16. And so much more... I could never say all the things I am thankful for. It is so healing to count blessings and to see how much we have. A grateful heart is rarely a discontent heart.  I will choose gratitude because it brings joy and I love to have joy in my heart!

A Weary Win

The election is over. The candidate I worked for won! Other things didn't go as I had hoped. So disappointment was mixed with the joy of victory.  It was an exhausting, fullfilling,  overwhelming task and now it is done...

Now what? I don't know. My summer and fall are gone. Winter is upon us here in Minnesota. And I feel lost. I so poured my heart, soul, and life into the campaign that I feel like I lost a part of myself now that it is finished. I can only hope my friends and family will forgive me for my neglect as I focused so intently on what was before me. It is not that I have regrets about doing it. I felt called to do it and felt sure God was pleased for me to work on this campaign. But I may have become over zealous in my pursuit of excellence and my hope of victory.

I know I neglected my faith journey. I got lost on it. We were not attending church and I did not worship. I prayed, but I did not take time to listen to God. I just moved on. I am sure some of my friends that are not into politics moved away from me or think I moved away from them. Now I need to work at repairing those relationships. More than one family crisis happened this summer and I gave them only what was necessary; no more. I had no more to give. I had no extra time to do anything, by my choice. I liked what I was doing. I blame no one, but me.

Only now I feel depleted, empty. I don't know where to get to the place of being where God wants me. I am sorely lacking in energy. As other situations have come up, I feel like withdrawing instead of working them through. I need some space to regroup, refocus, and relax. I need to move to a different place and find the next step. I always tell my daughter to "Do the next thing." She doesn't like hearing it and I understand, especially when you don't know what the next thing is.

So life goes on, and though the characters in it may change as as the circumstances change, God is faithful and I can trust Him. He never changes and He is there for me, even when I neglected Him. Oh, the grace He offers me and each of us. I will rest in that today.

Focus- Be in the Moment!

This morning as I was reading and thinking about life, the thought that  kept coming to my mind was to focus. Focus. Be in the moment. Yesterday I talked about being too busy to hear God, and then I realized sometimes I am too busy to be in the moment. I am too busy to really hear what the people around me are saying, feeling, needing... I give a hug, but keep doing, thinking, or talking without really enjoying the hug. I hold a child and keep going with my activities. I take a motorcycle ride with my husband to see the fall colors and I take notes on what needs to be done.

I multitask on things that need my full concentration and I think I am so efficient. But in reality, I do  things not as well when I am not fully in the moment. Nothing gets my full attention. Don't you hate it when you are having a conversation with someone and they keep looking past you or around you like you are not even there? Or worse yet, doesn't it drive you crazy when someone is texting the whole time you are trying to have a conversation with them?  I get so frustrated with those things, but I am sure I do them, too. Or similar things.

A Facebook quote that came to me today said,"Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had." Wow! Instead of multitasking and trying to do everything at once, I need to learn to appreciate what is in the moment now. I need to truly "see" the people in  front of me. I want to hug with abandon and love freely. I want to focus on the beauty around me. I want to be fully alive, experiencing all God is opening me up to.

So as I am "still" before God, I am to focus.  I am to be in the moment and experience life to the fullest, bit by bit, not just in chunks missing the details. I'm already smiling because the joys from my heart are expanding already.

"Be Still"

Do you ever wonder if what you are doing is enough? Is it important enough? Is it worth your time and effort? Sometimes I feel like I am coasting through life, doing what others expect and want, but not trusting myself to even know if I am doing what I should be doing. Am I doing what my life is here to do? Am I touching lives in the way I was meant to?

Our busy-ness sometimes gets in the way of thinking, dreaming, planning, anticipating... Instead we fill our hours with the urgent, not always the important.

I just had a conversation with a friend about all of this and we both agreed that life gets in the way of our prayer life. While we both pray and pray a lot, we talked about how we don't take time to listen to God. We shoot our prayers Heaven-ward and just keep going. We are just too busy.

I long to listen to God. I know I have neglected that lately. I desperately need to attune myself to Him and His still, small voice.

Because when I am listening to Him, I am more likely to be in the right place, doing the right thing, the thing He has called me to do. I am less likely to waste time on the unimportant, the urgent things that were not meant for me. I will make better decisions and I will see those that God wants me to touch.

God's Word says,"Be still and know that I am God." I need to figure out how to be still and when to be still. That is so hard in today's fast-paced world with so many things  and people pulling at us. Yet God asks this of me and I need to obey.

If others have mastered this, please share. We can do this with God's help. We can find our way and be secure in who we are and what we are doing, after we seek Him. And that will fill my heart with joy again and again.

The Christian Life

What does it mean to be a Christian? What do you think? Are you a Christ follower? Most people I talk to would say they are a Christian. They don't all know if that means they are going to Heaven or not. They hope so. They believe in 'God'. Some of them go to church and think that is what makes them a Christian. Some rarely go to church, but occasionally pray. Some think that a decision to be a Christian at some time previous in their life has them covered. I have been thinking a lot about this as I have observed people, including myself.

What Christians Are NOT:

They are not perfect people.They make mistakes. Yet they are saved by grace. They are forgiven.

They are not always happy, but they have a deep joy that God is with them in everything.

They do not have all the answers, but they have God's Word and His Spirit to guide them.

So what are Christians? They are people who have chosen to follow Christ, to be His disciples.They live in His love and grace, guided by His Spirit. They look and talk differently than others. It isn't their language or their clothes. It is in their being. They care about others. They reach out to others. They listen to others. They meet needs. They are the hands and feet of Jesus.They stand for truth and may offend to take that stand. They are bold in their walk with God, holding fast to faith. They are all these things and more. God gifts each of his children uniquely so they can make a difference in the world He has placed them in.

It isn't enough to just go to church or to occasionally pray. It isn't just believing in God. Being a Christian should transform your life. You should be different, set apart, called.to serve. It should change what you think about entertainment, how you spend your leisure time and your money. God never asks us to not have fun, but He does ask us to refrain fom immoral behavior, drunkeness, and things that pull us from a right relationship with Him and others. He asks us to consider if what we are doing glorifies Him or not. We must live in a way different from the rest of the world. If we conform to the world's ways, we have no message of what Jesus is in our lives. People will not see Him in us.

I know I am not always the kind of person I should be as a Christian. I don't always act in love or forgive as easily as I should. I am one of those Christians who is not perfect. Nor will I ever be. But who I am in Christ affects every decision I make and how I act more often than not. I do read His Word and that is my guide for living. Hopefully people see me as different. I don't want to be like everyone else. Even if that makes me odd, or goofy, or wierd.  That's OK. I want to belong to Jesus. I want to do His will, even if it doesn't make sense to the rest of the world.

How about you? Do you want to be different? Or do you want to be like everyone else? How do you want to have fun? How do you want to spend your days? It's up to you. You get to choose how you want to live. You can live for Him or for yourself. I constantly ask these questions of myself because it helps me to stay on track. What will you choose? Will you choose God's way for your life? I hope so. His way leads to life, abundant life, eternal life. And choosing His way will put joy in your heart as it has in mine!

Being Mom

Being a parent is the hardest thing I have done. It is also the most rewarding thing I  have done. I have 6 children of whom 5 are now adults. But they are still my kids! And parenting children who are adults is impossible, but they remain your children even when all grown up. You want to spare them the hard lessons. You want to give them your wisdom from your life's experiences. You want to build them up. You want to encourage them and help them succeed. You want to still tell them , "No!" You want to protect them and hold them close. You want to love them like you used to. But they may not want any of that from you... :-(

Their mistakes can become yours as you take ownership of them when you think , "If only I had..."  "If only I had not..." You can blame yourself for their decisions.  You can blame yourself for all that goes wrong. They may blame you for what is not right in your life. You start to feel inadequate, not good enough. When I get to that point, sometimes I become immobilized to do anything. I don't believe that is where God wants me. I believe we must learn to go through conflict holding onto God and our faith with all we have so we can grow through it. But it is not always easy or fun, and sometimes it hurts a whole lot.

I am currently reading Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis. She became a mom at age 19 through adoption of several daughters in Uganda. She wasn't ready to face the challenges of being a mom at that age, unmarried, and without the support of family nearby. Yet she knew God called her to it and He would help her in the day-to-day challenges. She says in her book," I made peace with feeling inadequate because the truth is, I was. I still am, we all are. I quickly became okay with being imperfect. Throughout the Bible, God chose seemingly inadequate people to do His work.....God has a way of using inadequate people, and sometimes He calls us to reach a little higher or to stretch a little further, even when we feel we can't do any more. We simply trust Him.  And then He gives us everything we need to do the more that He is asking of us..."

Wow! If Katie as a young adult can parent several needy children in a third world country with little resources, and through her inadequacies still trust God, so can we! I know I am not the perfect parent. My kids will reinforce that! I am so far from it that I have to not only trust God through my inadequacies, but I also have to ask forgiveness for them. I just don't do a lot right. I blow it time and again. I have hurt my children. I have not lived up to their expectations. I am not their dream mom. But I don't do it all wrong either. I love them fiercely. I will defend them and stand up for them. I taught them that God's Word is truth. I showed them how to serve others.  Four of my children have their own children and I love those grandchildren, too! What blessings they all are!

I may be mom and have been for more than 30 years now, but I am still learning. I am still learning to be me. I am not just a mom, although that encompasses much of who I am. I am learning to be who God wants me to be. I need to be a bold witness of Him and all He is to me. I need to do His calling and sometimes that will interfere with being a mom or grandma. I know I will fail again. But as Katie said, I am making peace with not being adequate in what others want from me. I am imperfect, and God still loves me. He can use me if I am obedient.  I will keep trusting Him and keep on reaching a little higher to do all He wants me to.

Disappointments in Life

What do you do when life disappoints you? Do you get depressed, upset, angry? Do you get hurt? How do you handle it? Do you just push it away or let it simmer in your soul?

Recently I had a few people in my life disappoint me. One person lied to me. Another pushed me away and another hurt me by pointing out my inadequacies... Each of those things made me question the relationship. It made me wonder if I had put more value on the relationship than the other person did. It made me ask how important the relationship was to me.

Of course, emotions got in the way! I was alternately saddened and frustrated. Then when I got past those emotions, I could think more rationally about it all. That doesn't mean the hurt just goes away. It still resurfaces and I have to deal with it again. I just choose to release the hurt as it comes and concentrate on whether the relationship is worth the pain that comes with it. All three of the people that disappointed me are people I love so I am not willing to give up the reationship. So what do I do?

I confronted the one that lied to me and we were able to choose forgiveness and restoration. The confrontation wasn't pleasant, but was healing. I will not confront the one that has pushed me away because that doesn't seem to be the right thing to do right now. All of us need space sometimes and I will respect that for now. The third person may not know she has hurt me or she may have intentionally done it. Because I don't know for sure, I am unsure of how to handle it. For now, I will choose to just love her.

Life has so many ups and downs. And it is so busy... We can get so busy that we don't deal with issues with people or we can be so busy that the issues just aren't as important. Relationships are important to me and I am always more than ready to apologize if I need to and I need to often. I often speak first and then have to rethink if what I said hurt someone. But because I am so busy at this stage in my life, I want things settled. I don't like unresolved conflict. Sometimes I push for resolution when the other person isn't ready which can cause more problems. Or I just want to give up when it isn't in my time table. I am usually prepared to forgive and let go fairly easily because I don't have the time and energy to hold a grudge.

I am not sure what this says about how I handle conflict. As I get older, I am more ready to see another person's side of things. I am more able to not let every issue be a' live or die' issue. I am not less passionate about what I believe, just more understanding that others come from a different place. That doesn't mean I always agree or condone, I just try to be more patient.

Life's disappointments are for learning. I learn more about myself and others. I can become stronger or give up when faced with life's challenges. I choose to remember that God is with me and that He loves me. He created me and He is not finished with me yet! Though I may struggle with disappointments, the joy in my heart comes from knowing I am accepted by Him!

Seasons of Life

I have been aware for a long time that we have different seasons of life, but in the last few years it has been more obvious to me. How many times have I reminded one of my complaining children that this, too, will pass as it is only for a season? And as I have reminded them, I was reminding myself!

I have had a son deployed and he is just recently home. It seemed like he was gone a long time, but now that he is home, life at their house takes on its new normal. Another son had an injury that changed his last year, but it is now healed and he is back to work. One of my daughters just finished college and though she celebrates that, she is waiting to see what is next. Each has gone through a season of change and now each one is going through a different phase of life.

For my husband and I, we are in the stage of not having any parents here on earth anymore. We are facing what that feels like. We have been caretakers for the last 6 years or so and now we are not, at least not in the same sense. We are still trying to think what that means to our lives. I no longer have to take anyone to Dr. appointments or cook extra meals or grocery shop for someone else. We can plan a vacation without worrying about someone's health. But it is too soon for us to fully realize those changes yet. We haven't planned that vacation or found the extra time we would have used doing things for or with them. We are still not accustomed to this new season. We haven't learned how to function in this new season yet.

Each season has its challenges, and its gifts. I work hard at finding something to be grateful for in each season. It helps me to be more content. Being thankful makes life more enjoyable. Even the challenges can be good as they make us grow in ways we wouldn't otherwise.

Recognizing there are seasons of life helps us to face the hardships, knowing they won't go on forever.Times of uncertainty will pass. We can anticipate good times ahead and we can look forward to the changes that life will bring. The seasons of life keep us from being bored. We  know that with time there will be different things to face, different people to interact with, and different problems to solve.

I like the idea of seasons of life. I have lived all my life in a place where there are four distinct seasons. We definitely have a spring, summer, fall, and winter! Temperatures change drastically, from way below 0 to triple digits in the summer. People complain about the extremes and wish for the opposite every season. We joke about missing the snow or missing the heat, but both will come in their season. Change will happen. It is said that if you don't like the weather, wait a few minutes! Just as in weather, changes will happen in life, too. Whatever you are going through right now, it won't last forever. It is only for a season. And no matter what it is, God goes with you through it, if you want Him to.  He is the stability in the midst of change. He is what you can cling to. He will give you strength and make you able to face what is before you. Knowing that puts joy in my heart.

Peter Pan Christians

I have always joked that my now 20 year old daughter would love to live in Neverland. I teased her about wanting to be Peter Pan. She just didn't want to grow up! She wanted to continue to have fun with a childlike abandon and she wanted to keep the joys of childhood close. Time has a way of forcing its hand and she is a wonderful young lady. She has graduated from college and has a wonderful mature heart that loves and serves well. But she still loves to play and we still love the idea of Neverland. We love the movie Hook and we just watched Finding Neverland. We love practical jokes and teasing one another. We love to have fun together.

So what does that have to do with being a Christian? Last week on the radio, I heard David Jeremiah mention Peter Pan Christians. My ears perked up because of our fascination with Peter Pan. I only heard some of it, but it stuck with me and resonated with me. He described Peter Pan Chhristians as Christians who have taken that first step of faith, but have not matured into living that faith. I am saying it as it affected me, not as he said it. He talked about going into a church that had bickering and strife and how it was just like going into a nursery where all the little ones just wanted their own way. When we as Christians get stuck in our own agendas, rather than in God's, we all want our own way. I continued to think about other ways we were not maturing in the faith. When we continue to live in doubt and worry constantly, we are not trusting as a mature Christian should. When we only want to read and obey the parts of the Bible we like, we are not eating the solid food the Bible offers us so we grow up in Christ. I didn't like the idea of being a Peter Pan Christian at all!

I realized that if I really didn't like it, I better do something about it. I need to keep growing as a Christian. I have to do the things that will allow me to mature in Christ. I must pray. I do pray. I like to pray. But do I listen? I have to read my Bible everday so I am immersed in God's Word. Serving has to be part of my life. Even in sacrificial ways... I need to worship. I will desire God's will. I will want to delight in Him. I will find joy in all things. Jesus will be my strength, my hope, my love.

My Neverland that I will look forward to will be Heaven and I will live in Eternity, whole and complete. But until then, while we admire Peter Pan's youth, we will grow up because time demands it. We can keep our child-like faith, trust and joy! We can have fun! We can play and enjoy life! But as a Christian, I will mature because while I like Peter Pan, I don't want to be a Peter Pan Christian.

God, My Father

God is so good! I knew today would be hard as I had to go do a parade in the town where my father-in-law had lived. It has only been 2 weeks since he left us for his Heavenly home. Our grief is still fresh and surprises us in the most unexpected ways. Before I left this morning, I was reading in my Bible and the overwhelming truth that  God spoke into my heart was that He is my Father. Neither my husband or I have any parents left here on this earth and sometimes that is hard. We loved them and felt incredibly blessed to have them in our lives so we truly miss them. But today as God touched me with His love once again, I didn't feel like an orphan. I once again knew a parent's love, protection, and security.  God is our Father. Today that is the joy of my heart.

Why I Am Involved In Politics

Why I am Involved in Politics

Many of my friends and family don’t understand my passion for politics. Sometimes I don’t. It takes a lot of my time, energy, and resources to be involved at the capacity I am involved. My life is very regimented and scheduled during a campaign year, and I am not even a candidate. I am a volunteer. I don’t get paid. I do it because I must.

I must do it because I am passionate about my faith, my values, and my family. I want good candidates that will become good legislators because of those same things. I want people of faith that stand with me in supporting my values. I want to make a difference for my family and I can do that at a grass roots level making policy and helping to choose good candidates. I want our liberties defended and our freedoms maintained. I want my grandchildren to grow up in a country that they can be proud of.

I must be involved because God has given me this passion and the abilities to do the job before me. I feel called to step out unafraid and to speak boldly, but in love with compassion.

I must be involved because you aren’t. At least you aren’t doing my job! You may be doing something and, for that, I am very grateful. But many do nothing but complain. We need more activists. We need people to stand up for what they believe in. Our country and our state are at a crossroads and if we don’t work at keeping our freedoms, they will be lost. Our country will be different than it has been, and not in a good way. As we become more tolerant, we excuse even the worst behavior. We no longer know what is right or wrong. We lose our foundations of faith, family and values.

I don’t want to see that happen so I am involved politically. I am a Republican because their platform is the closest to my values. I support life, marriage between a man and a woman, the right to bear arms, free press, free speech, freedom of religion, and fiscal responsibility. Though every Republican candidate may not support every one of these values, the party stands behind these principles so I stand with them.

I am involved and I hope you might consider being involved, too. Together we can make a difference. We need you. We need your help. Ask me if you want to help. I am a campaign chair and I can always use more volunteers. The other candidates could use your help, too.  We need funds as well. There is much you could do. And if we all did something, much more would get done. If nothing else, at least get out and vote. Get informed, vote your values, and make a difference in that way.  

And in the meantime, don’t look at us who are politically involved as crazy. Smile at us in the parades. Let us put a sign up. Read our letters to the editor. Be glad we are trying to make a difference. It might just be for your good. We do it because we care about people! And people are the joys of my heart!

Grief...and Joy!

Death. It is so final...for those of us left behind. It can hurt so much. Yet for a believer who dies in Christ, it is only a portal that they pass through into eternal paradise. It only takes a moment for them to pass through into their new life.

My father-in-law passed away just over a week ago and I watched him during his last moments on earth. In the afternoon of the day before, he was in pain. I sensed some fear in him, too. I kept talking to him and praying for him. I prayed that God would let him pass in peace and that He wouldn't let him die until He had made his peace with God. As the day went on, he was less agitated, had less pain. He began to rest more quietly with no distress. Even with no more pain meds, he was comfortable. I sensed God's presence. When it was his time to go, he just didn't take the next breath. He didn't fight it or struggle. He just left his earthly body behind. We cried and mourned. We will miss him, but God has healed him now and he is safe in the arms of Jesus.

He was our last parent. His leaving is the end of an era. My husband and I are the elders now and bear the cloak of responsibility once held by our parents. Whether we feel ready or not, it is time.

It is said that time heals our sorrows, but I know that is not completely true. Life goes on and you continue to live it so you no longer dwell on the pain or loss. Yet many things still trigger the loss and sadness, and there is still grief that surprises us often. But death does not win out. Christ has won the victory and we will see our loved ones again in Heaven if we trust in Jesus.That victory promise is what keeps me going and renews the joys of my heart, even while experiencing grief.

Living in Disconnect

I clicked on it yesterday - Disconnect. And something in my brain clicked, too. Although I meant to disconnect my computer from the internet, I had this instant heart check with the word. That's how I feel! I am on disconnect...

 First it was with my church. We haven't been able to attend lately so that doesn't help. We live 30 miles away. I don't have a ministry there.

Then it has been with a couple of my closest friends. It isn't anything bad between us (I don't think.) Busy-ness, family commitments, and other situations have just taken up the time we would have spent together. I realized summer is half gone and I haven't had lunch or coffee with any friends. And many of our family outings have been obligations rather than just spontaneous get-togethers.

Worse yet, I feel like I am in a spiritual desert. While I am still praying, I am not sure I am listening well. I am not reading my Bible enough. I know it so why haven't I changed the situation? I think the drink I need is just out of my reach. I am tired. I am thirsty. I am weary. But I am surviving. And I will come out of the desert. I have before and God will give me the strength to do so. I know this so I am waiting. I don't know what it will take to make me reach for the Living Water I need. I have tried. It doesn't make sense, but if you are honest, you may have felt this way yourself sometimes somewhere.

I wish the answer was as easy as  my internet connection. After I hit Disconnect, I reached out and hit Connect again. It was instant. It happened. I know God is within reach, too. I know He is there for me. I know He hears me.  I need His Spirit so I hear Him as well. One of these days I will let you know that I am Connected again, on the same frequency with my Lord. One of these days soon we will be sharing the joys of my heart once more.

A New Goal

Writing takes last place lately as my day to day life overwhelms me. I tend to do what is right before me and whatever is most urgent. I love to write. I love to think and write it out. My notebooks are full of comments, thoughts, and ideas. They just rarely make it to my computer. My daughter, Mandy, has challenged me to write at least one time a week. She intends to do it as well. We will hold each other accountable!

Instead of my notebooks piling up and bits and pieces here and there, I will try to be more consistent in getting my words in order. This is my goal, my starting point. Now I just have to take the time and do it.

All of us have something we should be doing. Our hearts yearn for us to create, to be what God has created us to be. A friend of mine paints, but not often enough... She needs to free herself to do this thing she loves. My daughter blogs and reaches an international audience with her words, when she does it! Each of us have gifts, talents, and passions given to us by God. We need to develop them and use them. It gives God  pleasure and is fullfilling to us, too, when we use those gifts.

What talent or gift should you be pursuing more actively?  Do you need to set a goal to just do it? Do you need someone to hold you accountable to do it? Join the challenge. Do something this summer every week that you enjoy and helps you to grow and become the person God created you to be. Let's have fun pursing our goals. Dream with me. Find joy in stretching yourself and you will have new joysin your heart!

Death and Life...

If you had only a short time to live, what would you do with the time you had left? Life's brevity has once again forced its way into my thoughts. Someone close to me just had a heart attack. My father-in-law has lung cancer. Someone we were friends with a long time ago had a tragic accident and died. And we are all aging... With both my parents and my mother-in-law already gone to Heaven, it doesn't seem so far away as it once did. We are all closer to death than we want to admit. We are all terminal. We just don't know when our time is.

These thoughts may seem morbid to you, but they really aren't. I am not afraid to die. But I am not ready to die in the sense that I love the life God has given me. I love my family and friends. I treasure those relationships and don't want to give them up yet. I enjoy where God has placed me. I want to serve Him and be all I can today. While I have breath and strength, I want to do His will.

So back to my first question. What would you do with your time if you only had today? Or a week? Or a month? Or a lifetime, however long or short? Does the amount make a difference?  Would you live differently if you knew when your end was coming? I am sure I would, but a part of me hopes I wouldn't change all that much. I hope I am living in the place I am supposed to be, doing what God wants and fullfilling the desires He has put in me. I hope my love for those in my life is evident. I am still working on that!

One friend bought a new truck because he thought he should enjoy what time he has left. Another person just refuses to accept the inevitable, denying what is ahead.  We are all different; we would all face the possibility of death differently.

I would want to restore a broken relationship. I want to do that now, but don't know how. I would be even more intentional in sharing the hope I have in Christ. I would write letters, call those whom I care about. I would let my friends know how important they are to me. I would tell my children and my husband how much they mean to me. I would deepen my relationship with Christ. I would...

Why not do those things now? I already know that I don't know how long on Earth I have, or you have. So shouldn't I live as if the end is near and not get all caught up in what is unimportant? In Sunday School we are talking about margin. We discussed how often the urgent takes precedence over the important. How many times do we ask others to wait while we finish a task when we could have shown them some love and consideration right then? Sometimes the moment vanishes to never come again. We have all lost those moments and have had regrets.

I want to live in the present with my eye on the future. I want to plan for what is ahead, but not miss out on what is in front of me. Want to join me in this adventure and see what joys our hearts will gather together?

Broken resolutions

I had hoped to blog consistently. It wasn't really a New Year's Resolution, more of a plan, hope and/or desire. But it hasn't happened. I think of what I want to write all the time, but things get in the way. I rarely find the time to sit and write. So many things happen that I do not have control of. But I will try again...

Are there other things that you thought would be different this year? Are there things that you hoped you would do and haven't had the time, energy, or finances to do? Is there something that has kept you from doing what you hoped to do?

 What I have learned is that I must be flexible. I recently read a book One Perfect Word by Debbie MacComber that challenges you to choose a word to focus on for the whole year. You study it, learn it from all directions, and grow from it. I thought long and hard about what my word would be if I did this and the word that came to me for right now was adaptability. I feel like I am in a place where I must continually be adapting to new situations and plans, and accept what is before me. It is so hard sometimes to plan and look forward to  things, only to have them change because of someone else. Yet I have chosen to be 'on call' for certain people in my life and when they need me, I try to be there for them. When it changes my plans, I need to go with a joyful heart that says, "I care about you."

So what does this have to do with broken resolutions? Resolutions, goals are good. We all need to put goals in front of ourselves that stretch us and force us to move beyond where we are right now. We need to do things that cause us to rely on God. Yet no resolution or goal is more important than people and relationships. So instead of beating myself up for not keeping my resolutions, I am OK with it. I have not attained all my goals... Yet... Instead I have reached for other goals, doing what God has placed in front of me for this moment. I am trying to reach out in love, letting go of my ideas of what I should be doing. I tell my daughter often, "It is only for a season." No situation lasts forever. There will be times to do other things, like writing, in the future, if God wills it! If not, I know He is writing His story on our hearts and I want to be part of that most of all. That is the true joy of my heart.